The (British) Empire Strikes Back : American Idiots

Idiot – a foolish or senseless person; a person of subnormal intelligence; a person lacking intelligence or common sense.

“Don’t wanna be an American idiot” warbled Billy Joe Armstrong a little unkindly I felt. I am a huge Green Day fan having accidentally bought an early offering from them under the misapprehension I was purchasing a Prince Buster CD. I must have picked the wrong one up but, not noticing until I got home I gave it a go and I’ve been hooked ever since.

Now why do I say “A little unkindly”?

Simples.

We, the people of Great Britain, once had an empire.

Then we suddenly ceased to be ‘chinless wonders’ with handle bar moustaches and a love of dying gloriously in mad cavalry charges and drinking tea by the bucket full and nibbling cucumber sandwiches and referring to a particularly marvellous activity as ‘the hurly burly of the chaise longue’ as the late Mrs Patrick Campbell so quaintly put it.

We suddenly started to stick out our chins, use Gillette products, send the poor into battle on our behalf, drink lager beer, eat hot curry, and refer openly to a certain activity as shagging or fucking.

This came about primarily because we, the British people, thought we were far too clever to misplace an entire empire and much too open and civilised to retain the ‘quaint’ politeness of Victorian society.

Look where all that has got us.

Bradford and Southall have taken on the appearance of Islamabad and not only have many informative signs begun to appear in various languages other than English, even the English bits of the sign are frequently mis-spelled.

We were far far better off as idiots.

We ruled a large part of the world as idiots.

So, people of America, we, the British people are somewhat nostalgically fond of your idiots.

The late ‘B’ movie actor and President of the USA Ronald Reagan for example was often lampooned both here and in the States as a bit of an idiot.

We adored him. We adored him for his eccentricities. For the classic occasion he addressed Princess Diana as Princess David. For his ‘homeliness’. His ‘Aw shucks’ persona.

How the hell could this pleasantly bumbling buffoon of a ‘B’ movie actor become the most powerful person in the most poswerful country on the planet?

Easy.

America still have their version of ‘chinless wonders’. Reagan was an American ‘chinless wonder’. He presided over the American Empire.

Empire? I hear you ask.

Great Britain, some South American countries, Europe, even one or two middle eastern countries and, up to a point, Israel.

Of course you don’t officially ‘own’ them as we ‘owned’ India and ‘Australia’ and all the other so called ‘Commonwealth’ countries but America’s influence is huge almost to the point of empire.

America says “Jump” much of Europe says “How high?”

America says “Let’s blow the crap out of somewhere Britain says “On our way chaps!”

It’s a 21st Century version of an empire and it’s all yours.

We, the British people, strongly advise you to cherish your idiots.

Without them we would possibly love you all a little less.

With a stiff upper lip I bid you good day and until next Sunday, the wisdom of Mrs Patrick Campbell –

“It doesn’t matter what you do in the bedroom as long as you don’t do it in the streets and frighten the horses.”

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