The Little Critters of Nature: Good Mutation or Bad Karma?
Read Time:4 Minute, 15 Second
The little critters of nature…
They don’t know that they’re ugly! 
That’s very funny, a fly marrying a bumblebee!
I told you I’d shoot! But you didn’t believe me!
Why didn’t you believe me?!
-Stinky Whizzleteats
I myself was an ugly baby. Really. So fat, that multiple chins aren’t adequate to describe the blubber- no, I had a dewlap. I was also a drooler, and had an enormous head. My hair was clear. Like fishing line. You could see through it- no pigment at all. And I had a wandering eye, that mostly wandered in- making me look like a cross-eyed retard. Plus I was profoundly nearsighted, (getting glasses at 18 months- not that I wore them) so I fell down the stairs and walked into walls a lot. Basically I sat around cross-eyed, covered with bruises, straining to hold up my head and drooling on myself. Had I been born in a different century, I most certainly would have been left exposed on a mountaintop as wolf food. My mother was so sure that I was going to be “simple” as she so delicately put it, that she worked extra hard with me so I that I would not live up to my moronic appearance. I have a baby picture of myself- that never fails to elicit guffaws of laughter from my own children- who, being beautiful, simply can’t wrap their brains around the fact that they could possibly come from the same genetic stock.
Perhaps it is because of these humble beginnings that I appreciate those things that have intrinsic beauty, or are zenlike in their unattractiveness. Like chihuahuas, hairless cats, and scrotums.
I once had a chihuahua who was the apotheosis of ugly. We used to joke that it would be a predator’s wet dream to find her out in the wild, wandering about- a mobile, unfried chico nugget. Her tongue always hung out, so we called her Toady. She would submissively drag herself along the ground, only using her front legs. Her asthma was pretty bad, and she snurfled and snarkled like a truffle pig all the time, but more so when dragging herself.
At one sci-fi convention, I had her with me for comic effect and I happened to meet Tom Savini. Even the master of special effects awesomeness had to bow down before the Toad! He ran and got his video camera to tape her. No doubt he uses her for inspiration when trying to engineer a legless zombie crawling along. I am flattered and proud that I had been able to give this man even just a moment of entertainment, vicariously through my ugly dog.
One must not forget that the ridiculous chihuahua is, like all dogs, a descendant of the noble wolf. It was Mankind that perpetrated this upon the canine species, through selective breeding. We are also responsible for hairless rats and glowing mice. (Well they technically only glow under UV light- more like fluoresce.) Canadians have even invented a pig that when fed its unnatural fattening diet, craps out 65% less phosphorus. This tinkering with genetics has been explored and vilified by both sides of the political spectrum. Gene therapy is something the afflicted look towards to cure their conditions, but it is also a means to prevent those conditions from ever occurring. Even if we are advancing toward a Gattaca like future, with designer babies and ubermen, just the steps along the way are sure to create havoc of their own.
Now that we no longer abandon the weak and sickly at birth, only Uncle Darwin has a role in naturally selecting out the unfit. We all chuckle at the Darwin Awards and tales of hapless idiots who blew off their nutsacks while gigging frogs, or who deservedly self-destruct in some other outrageous manner. But what if we start messing around in ways that inhibit natural selection from occurring, even outside controlled conditions?
We have created alfalfa that is “Roundup Ready”, meaning it can be sprayed with glyphosate and live. How might one kill it should it be necessary to rotate the crop? What about farmers who don’t want to grow it? Legislatures, laws, and regulations can’t stop insects from traveling and wind from blowing pollen around. Crossbreeding with an engineered crop puts wild populations of plants at risk . As long as pollen moves freely, we can’t enforce the genes to stay merely in the plant where scientists want them. The genie is out of the bottle. Once we create a monoculture of something, we lose the benefits of biodiversity and the chance of naturally occurring beneficial mutations lessens. And once the genetic pollution of the wild stock begins, there is no containment device that could work.
While I doubt that the insects that consume the pollens from these engineered plants will be grievously mutated into giant stinging nightmare swarms hell-bent on destroying humanity, there is a niggling fear that we have done wrong by Mother Nature, and she will find her revenge somehow. I think I need a Happy Helmet.
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Mother Hen,
Interesting and uplifting post,thank you!
Our house has always attracted cats for some reason.We have one “princess” named Dulce and the rest are misfits who nobody seemed to want. Plus there are the usual characters who seem to come and go. Various neer-do-wells who visit the smorgasbord of cheap dry food and an occasional sandwich.
Ok the sandwich-I’m a vegetarian and someone once gave me a breakfast sandwich at Starbucks so I put it outside for the strays.
My daughters both observed the breakfast sandwich on a plate on the back porch and remarked how those guys got better service than they get.
We have 7 cats ourselves. Two of them are Krell’s fault; but they all have an interesting history and compelling personalities. Do you eat eggs and milk or honey? I was a vegetarian for a long while, but couldn’t have lived without cheese and cake. And sushi was finally my undoing.
Why wouldn’t a vegetarian eat honey? It’s just pollen and bee spit.
Mother Hen,
I think I’m what one could call an unprincipled Vegetarian.I don’t eat red meat or chickens/turkeys, but do eat fish (sushi too)and I’m sure the fish want to stay alive as much as any creatures.
My big girl is vegan. I don’t like dairy products much so don’t consciously avoid them, just kinda works out that way. I eat a lot of honey,cause I’m a coffeeholic and put honey in my coffee.Which would probably annoy bees who would see their hard work being misused, possibly.
7 cats! are they indoor/outdoor guys? we have 2 indoor cats and one indoor/outdoor. Plus the neighborhood jerks.One of whom sprints for my house whenever he spots my car so he can be fed.
One is outside all the time (except in the blizzard) because she refuses to use a litterbox. Another two are outside by choice, but will come in for attention. The others come and go in and out. We have enough room for them to all have their own “territory” (which applies only to the 4 males) but Krell’s cats hate each other.
Depending on your reasons for being a vegetarian, some people who are go as far as to use no animal products at all- like eggs, fish, honey, leather, etc. I think that is extreme and nutty. I figured it didn’t “count” if I called myself a vegetarian and still ate animal protein.
Still finding it difficult to prepare any meat (handling it grosses me out) and forget about cleaning a fish, killing and gutting a chicken- unless I was on Survivor and dying of hunger of course.
Hell, we humans can’t even introduce a rabbit to Australia without decimating an entire continent. I just don’t see how we can fiddle with genes and not screw it all up.
very true Bee. Interestingly, I don’t think I’ve ever read a story or seen a movie about clones that has a happy ending…
Hello Mother Hen,
I should start by confessing that Tom Savini’s a big hero of mine…
Despite a lot of our “meddling” with Darwinian selection (our meddling is part of nature from a certain perspective but that’s a whole other can of Chef Boyardee worms) we shouldn’t ever forget that compassion, is an evolved trait. One of the first items listed in the “People’s Chronology of Time and Achievement” is evidence of Neanderthal’s caring for his sick and aged. It’s probably why we can lose our composure over the cuteness of a baby, or the spectacularly homely qualities of a pug.
As I look at the vitriol spewing forth in our country related to Healthcare and other issues, it would seem we’re somewhat in mid stream in our evolution… many of us would jump in a river after a drowning dog, and yet far too many of us are okay with letting our sick and aged drown in medical costs and debt in America.
So it goes.
-SJ
I have a very large hairy spider residing in my garden shed. Everyone who sees her believes she is terrifying…except me.
She sits in my hand quite happily and nibbles on the remnants of flies I pull from one of her webs.
My wife thinks I’m nuts.
She’s quite possibly correct.
My spider is called Charlene. I have no idea why.
At first I thought your reference to the spider was a euphemism for something else…but I am now guessing it is a wolf spider of some sort? (I like spiders). The spider in the famous E.B. White story is Charlotte- perhaps a subliminal cue for your arachnid name.
While reading this post, I casually mentioned that “well that is nice what people are saying about your post” to which Mother Hen exclaimed….”Well at least after reading my posts you don’t get the impression the world is going to end in a fiery HELL DEATH”……ya gotta love her!
This was a delightful, kind, Friday read! TY mother Hen. Chock full of wisdom and that sublime tolerance that signifies a good heart / clear mind.
Enjoyed.
🙂
That picture at the top reminds me of Orly Taitz…..
Chihuahuas and other modern dog breeds are the products — or victims, if you prefer — of millennia of selective breeding by humans. Such forms would never have arisen naturally, and most would probably not last long if humans were out of the picture.
Our other domesticated animals, as well as domesticated crops such as wheat, corn, rice, bananas, apples, etc., have all been drastically modified by millennia of selective breeding by humans (not necessarily intentional). In some cases their wild ancestors looked so different that we would not recognize them if we saw them today.
Modern genetic engineering basically provides us with a more efficient way to get the same results.
As for humans, fairly soon we will be able to start taking over from nature where our own genes are concerned — people with genetically-transmitted suceptibility to disease (such as, say, hemophilia) will have the option of deleting the bad gene and replacing it with a healthy one.
Dealing with persistent stupidity will have to wait for more advanced techniques, though.
It could be ORLY TAITZ…and dogs truly are the victims Infidel.
Thanks Mother Hen. I just got done laughing my ass off while watching the Ren and Stempy clip linked at the end. That’s high culture.
No sir! I don’t like it
Mother nature cannot help but nurture and protect and if something is irritating her and upsetting the equilibrium she will restore balance. It’s what living, breathing organisms do.
Very true my friend.
What an extraordinary read Mother Hen. As an animal lover I can appreciate every word. I live in an agricultural area, as a matter of fact I am surrounded by crops, which brings me to my point: crop dusters. During the summer their endless spraying fills the air with a chemical smell that sticks to everything. I cannot help but wonder what that does to my dogs, my birds, my neighbor’s chickens, my other neighbor’s cattle and hogs, not to mention all of the wild creatures. It worries me. It worries me a lot. This is Georgia and they are not known for due diligence when it comes to protecting living things, including people.
A friend lives on acreage outside of town that is bordered by some mega farm. It was “dusted” with herbicide, but no one checked (or gave a crap about) the prevailing winds which caused this family to lose their trees, grass, shrubs. They had horses, and rescue dogs and cats, but i didn’t hear if it affected them. (The duster was filmed making a second run actually over their property!) It is in court, but replacing old trees takes time, and they are old themselves.
Oh man…I have a lot of trees, some of my oaks are well over a hundred years old. I also have a farm pond that is loaded with fish which I of course feed daily. The water is crystal clear and it is more like an aquarium. Every time I smell that chemical odor I worry.