Animal Fat and Testicles Wrapped in Synthetic Skin is ‘Bad For You’ Say Doctors

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Consumers have been left shocked after learning that eating processed animal genitals soaked in saturated and fat wrapped up in synthetic bags known as ’sausages’, increases the likelihood of heart disease, according to a recent study.

The news is likely to come as a shock to many consumers who, if the results are news to anyone, believed that eating sausages was a good way to ‘eat yourself healthy’.

Lead researcher Renata Micha told us, “What we have discovered is that consuming minced hooves, anuses and eyeballs – whose taste is disguised with copious amounts of salt – is bad for you. I know, I couldn’t believe it when we got the funding either.”

“Our studies also showed that sausages also caused significant vomiting, but only when we explained to the test subjects exactly what was in them.”

“We honestly thought people already knew sausages were like the contents of a particularly low-budget bush tucker trial – minced, smothered in salt, and forced into a small synthetic bag – but we found there are significant numbers who pretend not to know how they are made.”

“They’re a bit like holocaust deniers in that respect. We’re sure that deep down they know exactly what happened, but for some reason have chosen to block it out.”

A MILLION THANKS TO NEWSARSE

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Holte Ender

Holte Ender will always try to see your point of view, but sometimes it is hard to stick his head that far up his @$$.
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13 years ago

I’m missing my papaya hots from NYC… thanks a lot! LMFAO I think everyone knows that sausages are kinda ‘iffy’…. let alone carcinogenic. Am I right?

Reply to  Gwendolyn H. Barry
13 years ago

I’m in NYC, and I have hot sausages and hot dogs more often than I pray to Gods…

Reply to  Gwendolyn H. Barry
13 years ago

I’ll think of you when I’m having some tomorrow Gwen.

13 years ago

Nutsacks and buttholes are not good for anything but the metaphorical consumption that occurs when you read my articles at MMA. Even my daughter refuses to eat “lips and assholes wrapped in bung” (hot dogs).

Reply to  Mother Hen
13 years ago

No! No! Not hot dog too???

Reply to  Jerry Critter
13 years ago

Oh crap…after hot sausages, hot dogs was my second love…

13 years ago

[…] Con­sumers have been left shocked after learn­ing that eat­ing processed ani­mal gen­i­tals soaked in sat­u­rated and fat wrapped up in syn­thetic bags known as ’sausages’, increases the like­li­hood of heart dis­ease, accord­ing to a recent study. The news is likely to come as a shock to many con­sumers who, if the results are news to any­one, believed that eat­ing sausages was a good way to ‘eat your­self healthy’. Lead researcher Renata Micha told us, “What we have dis­cov­ered is that con­sum­ing minced hooves, anuses and eye­balls — whose taste is dis­guised with copi­ous amounts of salt — is bad for you. …Read ahead […]

13 years ago

How about what is in the picture, some kraut, and a nice cold beer? Just this one time….

13 years ago

As I say to the wifey…a sausage is a sausage…;-)

Jess
Reply to  Holte Ender
13 years ago

To me it looks like a heart attack or stroke just waiting to happen, all that grease.

13 years ago

Actually, sausages made of testicles is tailor-made for teabaggers.

Reply to  Jerry Critter
13 years ago

It’s necro-teabagging (and necro-rimming with the anuses) — sounds like the kind of thing a Bible-thumping preacher or Republican politician would be caught doing.

Reply to  Infidel753
13 years ago

Sarah anyone?

Admin
13 years ago

I don’t know what the problem is. The article made me hungry!

How about some “DIGGS” guys??? Just click the little thumbs up thingie 🙂

Jess
Reply to  Professor Mike
13 years ago

Begging and nagging, nagging and begging not a good look, it’s equal to the ugly cry. I keep forgetting to do that, but since you are totally all bossy about it, dug.

Reply to  Jess
13 years ago

Thank you dearie 🙂

Jess
Reply to  Professor Mike
13 years ago

I left myself a daily calendar msg, if you go to Mike’s house, digg everything. Rinse and repeat, so you are not found dead from bossiness and your cats are eating you 3 weeks later, on voice mail. Hubby asked what are you laughing at and when I had him listen to the reminder, I got the, only J’s husband can deal with this, eye roll. I keep myself humored and occupied for the most part leaving myself silly messages. Simple things, they say, delight simple minds. We’ll see if the reminder sticks.

=^_^=

Reply to  Jess
13 years ago

Digg! Facebook! RSS! SEO! Reddit! Bah, humbug! I’ve barely just figured out what Twitter is. They’re inventing new internet stuff too fast to keep up.

Reply to  Infidel753
13 years ago

Alas, I have yet to figure out twitter…so this diggs stuff sounds like sausages, in that I don’t know what it is or is in it.

Reply to  teeluck
13 years ago

The only reason I know anything about Twitter is that I’ve read about how the Green uprising in Iran uses it to organize. I myself have never actually twoten (twitted? twat? what’s the past participle of that?) anything.

Since Mike is so into Digg, I figure it’s some kind of old Germanic plural of “dog”.

Jess
13 years ago

What shocks me is people who did NOT know what goes in the food.

Jess
Reply to  Holte Ender
13 years ago

AYUP and I tell people they should watch it, see what they are eating. I always like to know what is going on with my food and what I put in this body. I only get one while I am here, so I want to keep this one in good shape.

osori
13 years ago

I wouldn’t be surprised to find Glen Beck is made out of those same ingredients.

13 years ago

Thanks, Holte. Next time I sit down to some sausage and eggs, I will think about balls (eyes and “you know”), anuses, and fat! Ummmmmmmm! Pass the haggis please.

SJ
13 years ago

@Holte,
-next thing you’re going to tell me I shouldn’t watch C-Span to find out how particular laws are being made and how.
Party pooper.
-SJ

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