Ice Age Dildo Predates Priapus

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When the Goddess of Beauty gets it on with the God of Wine, what kind of a Deity might result? A woody-wielding fertility god with a permanent boner of course!

Priapus was only a minor god by Greek standards, but his name is still in use, associated with a medical condition most men wouldn’t mind admitting they suffer from: huge, painful (that’s what she said!) erections.

Ironically Priapus was infertile, and cursed by Hera to be ugly and dirty-minded. Basically the epitome of a useless horn-dog. (Given this history it is surprising that his image has not been appropriated for use as an internet troll icon!)

Priapus was also the patron god of the luckless, sailors, fishermen, and others who might need the fates to intervene favorably against the evil eye. Certainly one could put an eye out should he fall against any statuary depicting the engorged genitalia! His image (or at least the important “divining rod” aspect of it) has been found on sunken sailing vessels, proving his importance as a navigational tool.

It might be harder to tease out all of Priapus’ roles in the generally phallus-obsessed culture of Greece. The erect phallus was a ubiquitous presence in Greek sculpture and was associated with territorial marking and possession, (not unlike today!) It was thought of to have an animal-like mind of its own, separate and distinct from the man’s own mind and control. Any teenage boy summoned to solve a problem on the blackboard in front of the class can testify to the truth behind that!

So whether or not it was Priapus the god, or just the phallus in general that was revered, archaeological evidence is swollen with examples of the tumescent tool as conveyor of luck, fortune, fertility, protection, and dominance.

Ancient Greeks weren’t the only folks with a phallus fascination. In 2005 German scientists found a realistic, highly polished, life-sized phallus that dates to be about 28,000 years old. Although it was scored from having been used knapping flints, it was no doubt also used as a sex toy, proving that even Ice age men could have benefited from a little Viagra-induced Priapism! Read about the original discovery here!

About Post Author

Carol Bell

Carol is a graduate of the University of Alabama. Her passion is journalism and it shows. Carol is our unpaid, but very efficient, administrative secretary.
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13 years ago

When I first saw this headline I read it as “Ice Dildo” and thought “that sounds pretty uncomfortable”.

I’d think a stone one wouldn’t be much of an improvement. How prehistoric people must have suffered from the lack of modern materials!

13 years ago

Is that a priapus in your pants or are you just happy to see me?

Cuckleburr RN
13 years ago

I was an operating nurse for years and had the occasion of helping to relieve priapisms….by jamming two large bore needles on each side and down the center of the penis to drain the blood. Yikes, it was a bit gory, but the alternative was permanent impotence.

Reply to  Cuckleburr RN
13 years ago

EeeeeeeeYikes!!!!!!! That hurts me just to read about it.

Reply to  Cuckleburr RN
13 years ago

Aaaaaaaahhhh…..just describing that procedure seems like it should cure at least half of them!!

13 years ago

Mother Hen writes..”It was thought of to have an animal-like mind of its own, separate and distinct from the man’s own mind and control.”

No control,eh?? Hey, how do you think I drive to work while drinking coffee and filling out the Sodoku.

Jess
13 years ago

I just saw a show with Katie Morgan recently, where she was talking about these.

13 years ago

So that’s why they call me Priapus…hmmm

13 years ago

Dionysian or Hermetic, any Horned God is a friend of mine…. Not for why you might think…
Here is a master for the fields, for fun and in a masculine oneness with the nature surrounding you!
Nice catch, not often you find a reference to Priapus! Fertility means creative….I feel like Pan is my mentor for many projects.
The artifact itself looks a bit like some of the north American Nations’ head crusher artifacts… carved from American blue stone. I have a one I use as a mortar.
It’s a cool post!

Reply to  Gwendolyn H. Barry
13 years ago

You might be interested to know that Priapus bludgeoned a donkey to death for braying at just the right moment, thus awakening the person he was sneaking up to bang. I resisted the urge to mention that tidbit, knowing it might lead to the unfair stereotype that Greeks were notorious ass-pounders.

Reply to  Mother Hen
13 years ago

But Greeks are notorious ass-pounders!

13 years ago

28,000 years ago they wouldn’t have had that “pink viagra” stuff, so I guess this is what they used instead? Probably cheaper at least.

Reply to  Infidel753
13 years ago

LOL! No doubt Infidel!

Admin
13 years ago

Wow this great! I knew none of the history behind the latin priapism. Now I hope someone Diggs it!!!! I assume it is on Reddit because it will be a biggie!

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