Lessons from Celebriworld: Bombshell and Bieber and Depp, Oh My!
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Beyond the noise of the mighty Iron Man 2 hype machine, there was other notable show-biz news this week. Here’s some of what I learned.
YOU DON’T NEED INTELLECT TO BE A KINK MODEL: Michelle (Bombshell) McGee is the heavily-tattooed model whose fame multiplied when news broke that she bumped uglies with Sandra Bullock’s soon-to-be-ex-husband, Jesse James. He couldn’t have picked a trashier-looking ho. As Bill Maher said, she’s a girl you can take home to murder the parents. Anyway, Bombshell has expressed regret over her role in breaking up the Bullock-James union. Kinda. You see, tattoo girl says it’s partly Bullock’s fault: “They slept with nine dogs in the bed … She liked to sleep with all the dogs in the bed.” Also, McGee wants to clarify that, contrary to what some reports may lead you to believe, she’s not a white supremacist – she just values “white pride.” Got it, Bombshell. Read ya loud and clear.
JUSTIN BIEBER IS CANADA’S GREATEST THREAT TO WORLD PEACE: Last month, the international pop sensation from Canuckistan sparked chaos in New Zealand, where a screaming mob of young girls gathered to welcome him at an airport, and jostled his mom a little. A free show in Australia had to be cancelled after some of his young fans were trampled in the pre-show frenzy. Now some of his crazy fans havereacted poorly to Bieber’s friendship with Kim Kardashian. How poorly? Death threats. Le Bieber promptly tweeted to his legions of fans to chill the eff out, and they did. Dude’s only 16, but he already has a greater global impact than the last three Canadian Prime Ministers combined.
JOHNNY DEPP FIGHTS CRIME WITH HIS FACE: The handsome mug of the guy who plays Captain Jack Sparrow in Pirates of the Caribbean movies appears to have special crime-fighting powers. Depp intervened when a mugger, armed with a broken bottle, accosted singer Stephen Jones in Los Angeles. According to a so-called insider quoted by an esteemed tabloid, the mugger “looked at Johnny and said, ‘I ain’t stealing from Captain Jack’ and put the bottle down. Johnny gave him a few bucks and told him to straighten up his life.”
ROMAN POLANSKI DOESN’T UNDERSTAND THE CONCEPT OF FAIRNESS: The Chinatown director, still fighting extradition in Switzerland, writes “I only want to be treated fairly like anyone else.” Hey, Roman, howzabout you be treated fairly like anyone else who drugged a 13-year-old, then vaginally and anally raped her, then fled the United States before sentencing, then lived in opulence for decades afterward? (Sorry, but unrepentant child rapists just don’t bring out the funny in me at all.)
JESSICA SIMPSON WISHES SHE WERE EVERYTHING SHE’S NOT: The former Daisy Duke came out of last weekend’s White House Correspondents’ Dinner (How did she get in? Are there no standards?) with a new idol. I wonder how her preacher daddy feels about that? Simpson wants to be Michelle Obama. “Everything she does, she exudes confidence,” the sometime country singer gushed. Good role model, Jess, but I think your aiming for an unattainable goal. Sure as Chicken of the Sea ain’t chicken, you’ll never be anything like Ms. Obama.
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My best mate claims he would go queer for Depp. Just so you know.
What’s a Bieber?
It is like hives in the middle of your eardrum, when you hear a teenager whose voice hasn’t cracked yet. May cause some bleeding from the drum and all but the good news is, there is an ointment for it. I won’t tell you how they administer the ointment, since it will cause you to double up and grab certain areas if you are a guy. As we ALL know, guys get sick worse than the wimminz do.
When she speaks my dogs howl if within earshot. I brought two of them in when I played the video and they howled and whined. Poor guys. I realized I was torturing them so I turned down the sound, gave them a boneless pork chop, and let them go back to their squirrel chasing hobby.
I meant to put this in the first comment but I forgot. If I had a complaint it would be that we can’t edit comments. It won’t stop me from visiting though. This is the second time I have read Mr. Stimpson. I made a comment once but it disappeared for some reason. Is he a regular now? I see he has a couple of other stories. My wife loves the celebrity stuff. Enjoyed the read Mr. Stimpson. Thanks.
Johnnyredfox,
Actually the series “The Simpsons” is based on Stimpson’s life growing up. Due to copyright reasons the producers removed the “T”.
Stimpson cites Ned Flanders as the force behind his own religious fanaticism.
Well that explains everything!
Thanks for the kind words, johnnyredfox. I did see your disappearing comment last week in my email inbox. (Comments on a post are forwarded to the post’s author.) I inquired about why it didn’t appear in the discussion thread, and was told it’s a glitch that sometimes afflicts new commenters as the comment software thinks it may be spam. Nothing personal, you see, and I’m glad you didn’t take it so.
And yes, I am one of MMA’s contributors. I’m the token Canadian.
Think you hit paydirt with celebrity posts Mr. S.
Johnny thanks for stopping by and saying so many nice things. My sources tell me that readers will soon be given the option to edit comments, perhaps with the next release which is currently in Beta.
I read he was a wild guy. Lots of people were afraid of him for some reason.
Yes he was wild, but I don’t know why people would be afraid of him. He was a lot of fun. Drank, smoked, smoked, drank, partied, smoked, and etc.
Mike, did HST corrupt YOU, or did you corrupt him ? Inquiring minds have a right to know.
Hmmm…That is an interesting question my friend. I think, however, that answering that question might incriminate me therefore I must refuse to answer. If you ever visit the Sugarloaf Lodge at MM17 on Sugarloaf Key in the Florida Keys you could ask some of the older folk. They will remember him, and me, but better not to mention me. I’m still alive 🙂
No, no Nazi garb. Other than that, though, a dead-on ringer!
“Bombshell” is the type of girl who I used to watch strip in my early 20s. Way back in the hey-day, so to speak.
ha ha! But those strippers weren’t wearing costumes anything like Bombshell’s in that thumbnail above my post, right?
Did you Hunter Thompsoneros ever read Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas? Oscar Z Acosta was his lawyer friend, the Brown Buffalo who was Samoan in the book.Disappeared in Mexico shortly after and was never seen again.
I never said he was a nice guy, but he was damn fun to party with 🙂
I love that book! Made me a huge HST fan. After reading of all their adventures, it wouldn’t surprise me if they went down to Mexico and did more drugs than they could handle and wandered off into the desert. MM knew him! How awesome is that!
Well, as the outed Depp head here, not only did he do this, he does a lot of good things. Hunter S Thompson and he were close, close personal friends. Thompson’s Prisoner of Denver, is going to be made into a movie and JD may be reprising his role as HST in it.
It was about a girl in Denver that had been charged with murder, even though she was sitting in the back of a police car at the time. She was given a life sentence with no chance at parole and HST enlisted Depp, Nicholson and some others, who aided her in getting it overturned. HST had written a piece in Vanity Fair about it with a police reporter named Seals. I just have way too many Depp sites I visit where I know this information.
The rest of the celebutards I don’t care, so dog them all you want 😉
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I knew Hunter S. Thompson quite well. He used to hang out at my hang out on Sugarloaf Key. I could tell some stories, but they would surprise no one, except for those who see me as a saint 🙂
🙂 there are people that see you as a saint? Wait is that a trick like , Barack Obama was born in America or something?
LOL LOL! Good Jess 🙂
Jess: I hear Johnny Depp swindles widows out of their pensions, and makes coats out of puppies. 🙂
Stimpson, if it is not on any of the sites I visit it is not true 🙂
My daughter calls Justin Beiber “Just-a Dweeber” to the consternation of all her obsessed friends.
For anyone to think of smacking Johnny Depp in the face is akin to spray painting a Picasso. Desecration of the worst kind!
Honestly, I cannot believe how popular Bieber is. It boggles the mind. Depp’s popularity isn’t so puzzling.
I’m with Oso on this one actually. I had never heard of the first two and I am just as protective of Johnny Depp.
Stimpson,
You are my lifeline to the celebrity world! I’d never heard of the first two, Bieber and McGee (to be fair possibly neither has heard of me either)but now in case the subject comes up I can discuss them knowledgeably. Or at least remember which is the guy and which is the girl.
Now Depp is cool-I’d say that anyway but anyone speaking badly of him risks the wrath of Jess. Both my girls have liked him since they found out he’s part Indian.
I echo your sentiments on Polanski-guy’s had more than 15 minutes of fame plus he’s a disgusting dirtbag as you point out.
My youngest is a big fan of Simpson, it’s somehow shoe-related and don’t want to know more.
As your writing fame spreads no doubt there will be some people assuming you’re Simpson’s husband.Or Dad or brother. I’d suggest changing your name to “Simpson” to take advantage of the situation. Might be some opportunity there to swindle the public.
I agree! Simpson will bring more readers. A lot more search engine friendly 🙂 Always thinkin’ ya know 🙂
Well, I like the idea of swindling …
ROFLMAO!!!!!! I sense there is no “break” in the offing for me 🙂 Sighhhhhhhh……..
Mike, DADT.
tsk tsk, we have Bee with her swinging dead cats around in tiny spaces and Mike sleeping with dogs(no judgements) 🙂 It’s Armageddon I tells ya, Armageddon.
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that’s right.Bee may be doing that at the new place.Really knows how to alienate teabaggers. Four or five head-whacks with a dead cat and Bee doesn’t even need to discuss politics to piss them off. Well she’s right though.
LOL! Poor dogs 🙂 What’s with Bee and the dead cats?
Good writing, Stimpson. “They slept with nine dogs in the bed … She liked to sleep with all the dogs in the bed.” That sounds like Mike’s dream girl.
Ha ha! Mad Mike probably wouldn’t disagree.
Hey! They were little dogs. It takes a real man to sleep with German shepherds. Well, you know–in the same bed. Not to “sleep with.” You know what I mean right? 🙂 Not to “sleep with.” Shit. I should just start again 🙂
Oh no, Mike. We understand you very well … 😉
Oh dear.