Lessons from Celebriworld: Sex and Drugs and James Bond Edition
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The Gulf Coast shoreline is covered in oil, and the markets are as nervous as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rockers, but I’ve been focused on what and who movie stars are doing. Here’s some of what I learned.
‘SEX AND THE CITY’ IS A MAN’S WORLD AFTER ALL: It stars four women, and it’s based on the writings of a woman, but apparently someone with a penis is in charge. Kim Cattrall (Samantha) says a third SATC movie is up to writer-director Michael Patrick King. “Well, I think the only way [the movie series] will continue is if Michael feels there’s more to be said,” she told MTV News. Reviews for SATC 2 have, by the way, been overwhelmingly negative. Not that poor reviews will prevent stampedes of women from going to see it this weekend.
LINDSAY LOHAN IS HIGH ALL THE TIME: … At least, that’s my impression after watching this interview the actress gave the day before her latest court appearance:
I’ll bet a rainbow of colours comes out when LiLo pees, and the contents of said pee are as toxic as anything dumped by a meth lab. Anyway, she got her knuckles rapped in court Monday and now must wear an ankle bracelet that supposedly can tell whether she’s been boozing.
007’S LOVE GUN SHOOTS FOR GALS AND GUYS ALIKE (MAYBE): Women with a crush on Daniel Craig will be shaken, if not stirred, by a report that he’s possibly gay or bi. The report is from that pillar of journalistic integrity, The National Enquirer, so we just know it must be true that the two-time James Bond was seen in a California bar kissing a dude. The divorced Craig has been dating a gorgeous woman named Satsuki Mitchell for years. The tabloid’s unnamed “stunned eyewitness” passed a polygraph test, which means only that the source believes he or she is telling the truth; whether the source is mistaken is another matter.
ORLANDO BLOOM IS THE NEW, YOUNGER JOHNNY DEPP: Bloom, who was in the Pirates movies with Depp, has signed on for The Three Musketeers. I mention this only as an excuse to feature the following clip from Extras, for Jess:
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Do you expect me to ask?
No, Mr. Craig, I expect you to tell!
Gwen
I could watch Brad Pitt read the phone book. To tell you the truth I don’t even remember half of it, I was a little more than slightly inebriated when we went to go see it. I do remember Christopher Waltz just being a bastard in it and Brad’s funny whatever accent. Sean Connery is the best bond ever, IMO.
Yea, Brad Pitt has some talent too! But the rest of that movie… I actually paid for it and turned it off after 40mins. I don’t do that often… and I’ve loved Tarintino since I don’t know when. Yeah, I once thought that way… about Connery. I think clothes hang better on Pierce Brosnon. And Connery kinda left my good guy cupboard when I found out he’s a domestic abuser. Really upset me… its none of my business, btw. But, it damaged his image with me. My fav Bond movie is actually Live & Let Die though… funny that.
Lawyer… yeah… what up wit dat? How DOES she make a living?
I thought IB was terrible. I watched it all the way through because I paid for it in the theater and that is the only reason.
LiLo is a loopster. Remember the cute little girl in The Parent Trap. What does she do to make money these days? Just stay high, get arrested and say stupid crap?
She has done some modeling shoots and has a tan in the can spray she hawks along with leggings. Recently she was doing some work with Ungaro’s fashion line, but got fired from that. Supposedly she is going to start filming on a movie about Linda Lovelace and she will be in the next Robert Rodriguez movie, Machete I think it’s called. Damn, I know ENTIRELY way too much about celebrities, some of them anyway. TMZ/ Gossip Cop are the devil.
She has had trouble getting work, I understand, because of the matter of completion bonds. It seems insurers are reluctant to put up money guaranteeing completion of a film project when they doubt that a star can get through a six-week shoot without getting arrested, landing in the drunk tank, going missing on a stoned bender, etc.
Exactly and the Linda Lovelace bio pic, that is what she was touting in Cannes last week, apparently does not have the blessings of the owner with the rights to it. Big old mess and she is just not helping herself at all. Still going out and partying, minus the drinking but if twere me, I would have my ass out of the public eye and keeping myself under the radar, till all my court stuff was finished. I know she had reached out to some people that helped Brittney Spears with her comeback from the dark side. The woman that put up her bail last week is some kind of financial wizard and happens to be a tamborine banger for Jesus, that supposedly keeps her clients in line. Maybe that is what she needs. Not like she has the support of semi sane parents either.
I remember seeing a link to that Machete movie, with that short long haired chican always plays the bad guy? “They messed with the wrong Mexican”.
AYUP, Danny Trejo, badass guy. The Machete name was from his character in Spy kids.
That’s it! Danny Trejo. As I was typing had to rescue Dulce.She was worked up cause of birds outside, leaped and got caught in the thing that raises/lowers blinds? Twin cords with a pull thing? Anyway she sailed between the cords and they wrapped around her belly. Pulled the blinds up while she was spinning around. Rescued her,now need to duct tape the cord so she doesn’t get hurt.Kids.Actual kids and feline kids and virtual kids.A dad’s day never ends.
I got this plastic tubing at the hardware supply place and kitty proofed the blinds in our room. It is like a foamy tube and it fits right over the cords so kids and pets don’t get all tangled up in them. Kind of a foamy tube(technical term if you don’t know) that opens in the middle, and just fits over the wires of my computer at the back of the desk or the window blinds where the cats like to climb in our room. Duct tape would work too and since it is man’s best invention well.
Thanks Jess! Got to look out for kids no matter their species.
@Jess: did you actually like Inglorious Basterds? O my.
This was fun Stimpson! I only want to see that parts with Liza in it … SITC, that is.
Lindsay L. is just wasted… I remember a few young years of lost weeks of… oh nevermind.
But I do think she’s nutz to go clubbing while a judge is watching.. from experience, that’s a NO NO NO!
I don’t care about the sexuality of Daniel C… he’s a great Bond. Becoming my fav.
I thought Orlando Bloom (what a hellva name!) was Orlando Bloom?
LiLo has repeatedly shown disrespect to the justice system. She was lucky to get such soft treatment from the judge on Monday.
Re: Mr. Craig, I really don’t find the Enquirer’s story credible. One “eyewitness”, who possibly saw things through beer goggles, quoted in a story 10 days after the event. If a major star like Craig had passionate liplock with another guy in a public place, there’d likely be more than one witness blabbing about it. I just used the story for the amusement value.
SATC I got into for about a second and a half the first season. Don’t like any of them and certainly won’t go see this one. Who cares really if Daniel Craig is straight, gay or bi? He does his work well and that is all that should matter isn’t it?
Lindsey Lohan was really good in that Georgia Rule movie and the one with Meryl Streep and Lily Tomlin, forget what it was called. She apparently wanted some Chanel stickers to pimp up her SCRAM thing, so she could wear a dress.
Harumph about Orlando being the younger Johnny Depp, thanks for thinking of me though 🙂 I think he is going to be the Duke of Buckingham and the guy that was in Tarantino’s Inglorious Basterds, as the nasty German, will be the cardinal. I’ll go see that.
In sadder entertainment news, Gary Coleman passed away today. He was only 42 yrs old.
Yeah, Gary Coleman’s death was such sad news today. Another troubled former child star. He gave us so many laughs. He’ll be missed.
Lindsay L could have been a great actress if she weren’t so incredibly f****d up. What a waste of life…
The girl rocked it alongside Meryl Streep – Meryl Freakin’ Streep! – in A Prairie Home Companion. No doubt, she is a good actor. I make jokes about her troubles, but I seriously do hope she gets better.
I hope she gets better also Mike. She has such talent. As to her addictions – well I have enough of my own so I would be the last person to judge. Great stories man…
1)”if Michael feels there’s more to be said”.Huh,I can’t imagine this show ever had anything to be said man!
2)Sounds the way I think I sound when a cop profile stops me and I can’t seem to STFU.
3)LOL shaken if not stirred!
4)A young Johnny Depp. That makes me feel like a really old Al Osorio.
Another great one Stimpson!
Thanks. And I’m sorry for making you feel old.
Ain’t you man it’s Mother Nature. She’s a mean mother.