The Dinners Version Of The United Nations

As England and the USA aren’t playing tonight I couldn’t be bothered with a World Cup report.

The Germans are playing so I suppose I could insult them but everyone insults them so there’s no novelty in that.

I know! A Four Dinners novelty post.

Something about when I was actually nice to an immigrant! – well quite a few actually.

Oh eck…there goes my reputation as a rabid rascist…;-)

Anita is Asian. Indian as it happens. She had an arranged marriage and it’s been very successful.

When she moved in across the road with her then non English speaking hubby nobody spoke to them.

After about a week I finally saw her for the first time as we came out of our doors at the same time.

“Mornin’!” I said cheerily

Anita looked around slightly bewildered and then pointed at herself as if to say “Are you talking to me?”

“Settling in ok?” I asked

“Well apart from everyone ignoring us I suppose so” she answered.

“Oh don’t mind that lot. They never speak to any new people for at least a year in this street. You’re an ‘outsider’ for that long.”

That night I answered a knock on the door and it was Anita’s hubby.

“Ying tong yiddle Aye Po!” or something like that he said, waving his arms about frantically.

“Uh?” I replied.

“We have a leak. Can you help?” called Anita from her doorway.

I popped over and turned off the stop cock. The pipe leak was in the loft. Having a bit of copper piping in my shed I did a quick soldering job and said “That’ll hold it for a day or two but you’ll need a proper plumber to fix it for good”

From that day on Anita and her family have been my friends. I even helped her hubby learn English.

“You shake hands like this” I said, shaking his hand, “and the traditional greeting whilst shaking hands is ‘fuck off”

He duly demonstrated his new found English tradition when Anita’s parents arrived for the evening.

I happened to be in my front garden.

Hubby shook his father in law’s hand and said very politely “Fuck off”.

Father in Law looked slightly alarmed and Anita immediately looked across the road to me.

“Dinners!” she shouted as I beat a hasty retreat indoors.

I get a home made curry pretty much every month and have done for the last 18 years.

Hubby and Father in Law saw the funny side and, to this day, often great me with a cheery “Fuck off!” if they see me driving by teaching a pupil to drive.

Ewa (pronounced Ever) is a Polish immigrant. A young girl who came over here alone to make a better life.

The Asian lady above isn’t Anita but the pic below is of me and Ewa….

My former employer sacked her quite simply because the manager, who was a fat middle aged female was jealous of Ewa’s popularity with the men – and everyone else come to that.

Fortunately for Ewa and unfortunately for said fat female boss I was the union rep in that particular cargo shed.

I tied the company up in legal knots, got Ewa reinstated and said fat female boss was removed shortly thereafter.

Ewa’s dad rang me from Poland to say ‘thank you’ for looking after his daughter.

To this day she calls me ‘Dad’ and, slightly to the wifeys alarm has taken to calling Carol ‘Mum’

“You’re my second mum and dad because you care about me and Dinners looked after me” – awww…it leaves a lump in the eye and a tear in the throat eh?..;-)

Mo Noor was something of a spokesman for the muslim employees in our cargo shed at Heathrow.

The company had agreed for the union Convenor (the highest union rep) to be seconded to work directly for the union for 1 year. I was appointed acting Convenor by the union committee – mad fools that they were…;-)

The muslim employees had to pray in the locker room – clearly unsuitable as other employees frequently crashed about laughing and joking – as they were quite entitled to do.

I negotiated with management and a ‘contemplation room’ – in a disused office was the outcome. For the use of all with prior arrangement including the muslim employees who could now pray in peace and quiet.

“Allah will bless you” said Mo on behalf of the muslim union members.

Welll, better than being blown up in Allah’s name I suppose…;-)

‘Russian’ Nick – who is actually Lithuanian but, in the eyes of my former union members was close enough to Russia to be ‘Russian’ Nick was sacked for too many days absense.

His wife, still in Lithuania, was playing around and he found out. He hit the bottle and went completely off the rails.

I got him re-instated using the legal jargon that the company were obliged in law to first offer him ‘counselling’ as an alcohol abuser.

Management hated me even more but ‘Russian’ Nick got his job back and has stayed ‘clean’ ever since.

His Lithuanian girlfriend he met shortly afterwards gave birth to a gorgeous baby girl last year and Nick gave me a Russian Bear hug – which was totally unneccesary. He also gave me several bottles of vodka which, whilst unneccesary, were gratefully consumed.

Can’t abide bloody immigrants. Get rid of ’em!….not these immigrants…they are decent people making their way and paying their way…

It’s the other kind I’m on about.

Spongers and scroungers and piss takers. If that makes me a racist or a xenophobe I think I rather like it…..

Takes all kinds to make a world eh?

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