Hurt Is A Much Abused Word

I know a man. He was physically abused as a child.

He married and had a child of his own.

She is very clever. An intellectual young lady who is destined to make a great life for herself.

The girl has a friend. The friend is not an intellectual. They are ‘chalk and cheese’. They met through gymnastics. They were both extraordinarily good at it.

The friend has a severely abused background.

She is ‘streetwise’ but trusts nobody.

She often ‘stays’ at the home of the man, his wife and their daughter as she knows she is safe there.

Her mind is not always the same as we would recognise as ‘normal’.

She occasionally does strange things.

She harms herself with razor blades – as a result, the man keeps his razor blades under lock and key.

She comes into their home during the day when the man and his wife are at work and the daughter is at University and, sometimes, drinks a lot of alcohol and they return home to find her asleep on the floor.

The man carries her gently up to his daughters bed and tucks her in.

This stopped when the man locked the drinks cabinet rather than take the door key away leaving her nowhere to go.

She has ‘issues’ as they say. She breaks open the drinks cabinet. The man buys another, stronger drinks cabinet.

Eventually he locks the drink in his garden shed.

She lashes out. Sometimes at the man and his wife who try to help her.

She never lashes out at the daughter though. The daughter is her friend. The only girl who will stand by her and be there for her.

The man and his wife will always be there for her too – she sort of knows this but they are adults.

Adults caused the pain so they are the enemy.

The man understands this and forgives her always when she lashes out.

One day she may find someone who can care for her for the rest of her life.

It’s the least she deserves.

She’s so so sorry for the way she is. She tells the man and his wife this often.

She wishes she wasn’t the way she is but her life…her childhood… has made her what she is.

Maybe the love and loyalty of two adults no matter what she does – and you’d never believe in a million years some of the things she does – will ultimately make the difference.

She’s sorry she hurts people.

Not physically as a rule – although it has happened before.

The man has a small scar on his back from a (small) carving knife when the lost girl was very angry at the world.

Fortunately she adores cats…which is a good thing…

“It’s ok” said the man, “no real harm done. It didn’t go in very deep”

“I’m sorry daddy” said the lost girl.

At least she’s safe.

She always will be.

It makes the man feel he is what humans should be.

She really is sorry for what she is…who she is….

Even if she’ll never really believe it.

(This post is meant as some kind of explanation and is far more personal than I am comfortable with to be honest – but only for two people. I hope the rest of you can ‘read between the lines’ and sort of get the gist….)

Nite America

4D x

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Posted by on July 20, 2010. Filed under Commentary. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. Both comments and pings are currently closed.
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12 Responses to Hurt Is A Much Abused Word

  1. The Lawyer

    July 20, 2010 at 6:06 pm

    Has she explored therapy? I don’t ask that in a snarky way, but in all seriousness.

  2. Jess

    July 20, 2010 at 6:07 pm

    Ya big softy. Has she tried talk therapy or getting involved with people in her own situation to work things out? Maybe medication would help with the rage, if that is something she would consider temporarily till she gets to figuring things out. Maybe get her to some kind of therapy, being her surrogate dad and she trusts you. I just think we, all of us, have the ability to transcend whatever happens to us, good bad or indifferent. It takes some of just just a little bit longer to accomplish that. We humans just have the capacity for resilience no matter how bad things get, things could always be worse you know. I know that is all easier said than done, but I swear if stories/lives like ours, 4d, can be changed so can this girls.
    You get to the point where you feel entirely useless and worthless, if you allow yourself to wallow in it. Been there, done that, have the tee shirt. I still can be very shy about trusting people myself, to this day, because of childhood abuse but you(generic) survive with sheer will and determination. I guess what I am trying to say, is just keep being that cushion she can lay back on and talk to, or just be there for her.

  3. fourdinners

    July 20, 2010 at 6:20 pm

    Lawyer – she was arrested for ‘Actual Bodily Harm’ of her last shrink. Don’t ask me…the ‘man’ bailed her out after her family disowned her – they were too busy getting stoned truth to tell. The ‘man’ wonders whether he should have just stayed down the pub…;-)

    Jess – ‘Ya big softy’ – I said it was me? Mind you my back pain went so it must have just gone deep enough eh?…;-)

    Look…there’s a reason for this post. Something happened and I found out and needed to explain to a couple of good eggs. Wasn’t sure how to exactly. I thought of mailing them but too knackered so posted instead and there you go.

    The kid’s ok and will be. Trust me I’m from Oldham.

    that’s it…

    nite peeps x

    • Jess

      July 20, 2010 at 6:35 pm

      Not in so many words did you say it was you, but it sounded like you, so that was good for me to go on and do the assuming thing. Nothing the matter with being a big softy and having a big heart, all the best people have that trait :). You are a hero to this girl because of what you and the lovely Mrs 4d are doing to help her. My daddy was too and I love/d him with everything I had and then some. I always will, for what he and my mother did for me by choosing me to be theirs. I think sometimes getting an outside view of things, is always a good thing to do. I know myself, when I start feeling rage or anxiety, I tend to isolate myself and get into the dark recesses of my mind I don’t want to be in (it can be scary in there) so I call someone to talk things through. Maybe you just needed an extra set of eyeballs, or just the ability to vent. Well glad she is home and safe for the time being. I don’t mean to belabor this point, but try talking her into some kind of therapy so she can get tools to help herself figure this out, with your help. I have a few books on the shelf, I read, I will look for later and get you some titles, maybe she would be interested in reading that she is not alone with her thinking, and others have survived it and she will too.

  4. The Lawyer

    July 20, 2010 at 6:24 pm

    Good luck. Fucked up parents sure can fuck things up. My own dad had the where with all to break a bad cycle. But busting out of that nasty whirlpool is the exception, not the rule. I’m lucky that I don’t know what that’s like.

  5. fourdinners

    July 20, 2010 at 6:25 pm

    also she just arrived….all’s well…

  6. MadMike

    July 20, 2010 at 6:28 pm

    Good night old beaner…..

  7. fourdinners

    July 20, 2010 at 6:28 pm

    If I said I once walked in and found her head butting the brick wall of my garden shed you’d get the idea.

    She sits there watching TV and cuddles the cats gentle as anything. She sits on my lap or the wifeys and hugs us.

    Then, without warning she’s off on a tangent.

    I reckon we’ve got through several dinner services over the last couple of years.

    It isn’t her fault.

    I’ve got the T-Shirt but hers is even bigger than mine.

    Oh shut up Dinners and go to bed.


  8. fourdinners

    July 20, 2010 at 6:29 pm

    nite mate. Thanks.

  9. osori

    July 20, 2010 at 6:54 pm

    fourdinners, God bless you for this. You’re a good person.

  10. fourdinners

    July 20, 2010 at 7:15 pm

    Oso – just got up for much needed pee…too much information!…;-) and I haven’t switched the bloody pc off…again…

    No I’m not mate. Just a bloke going his own way. Just hoping ‘my way’ isn’t always the wrong one. Sane as everyone else eh?

    Right. Switch the bloody thing off. Nite again.

    hehehe…my lost girl heard me and opened the box room door and said “Can I use the pc daddy?”

    “No you bloody well can’t! Get to bed!”

    Flamin’ ‘ell…she has done as well!

    Jacqui’s home tomorrow. Do for me.

  11. Teeluck

    July 21, 2010 at 3:08 pm

    Shit, you make it hard to make fun of you, you SOD (son of dragon lady)…but piss off!!! and we love ya, ya big cuddly puppy you.