No Beer And Lots Of Teeth

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Continuing my religious theme, certain Mormons have a lot to answer for.

As I freaked out to David Bowie with my spikey hair and then Slade with my number 1 crop and Doctor Martin boots in the early 70’s an enormous shock was about to occur.

Britains number one pop music show at the time, Top Of The Pops, was about to introduce me to singing teeth.

The Osmonds. The thought of Marie giving me a blow job and succumbing to lockjaw gave me nightmares for months.

Where did they get those teeth? Do all Mormons have teeth like that? Are Mormons descended from horses or what????

“Mormon” is a nickname for members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

Precisely what the Former-day Saints had done to upset them and be left out in the cold remains a mystery to me.

They assert that Jesus Christ appeared to Joseph Smith in 1820 with the express purpose of restoring His Church and gospel in its purity and fullness to the earth.

Just as well old Jesus didn’t appear to Joe Smith in the last few decades or Joe Smith wouldn’t have founded a religion, he’d have been locked up in a padded cell in a straightjacket with a stick between his teeth…..always assuming any sticks would fit between Mormon teeth…..always assuming The Osmonds are genuine examples of Mormon dentistry…..

Marriage between worthy individuals is intended by the Lord to be forever by virtue of a sealing ordinance in holy temples.

mmmmm…good job they say ‘individuals’ plural. What’s all this about having two wives then? What are they? Masochists? They like getting nagged in stereo?

“Actually” advises the wifey, “I think they can have more than two”

What???? Nagged in quadrophinc sound????

To add to which they can’t even drink beer to drown out those wifey’s jabberings when the sport is on TV.

I think we must retain a degree of sympathy for the Mormons.

Let’s face it. Any religion that enforces underwear like theirs can only attract lunatics with large teeth.

Clearly mad as hatters.

My previous forays into the mad sad world of religion can be found –

here….

You Can Call Me Al

and here…..

What About The Ducks?

Laters and let’s be careful out there….and surely they weren’t wearing Mormon underwear in this vid????

About Post Author

Carol Bell

Carol is a graduate of the University of Alabama. Her passion is journalism and it shows. Carol is our unpaid, but very efficient, administrative secretary.
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13 years ago

Demeur : Been on so many hit lists I’ve lost track. I’m a white English male Gloria Gaynor I am….I will survive, I will Surviiiiive!…;-)

Demeur
13 years ago

After that last post I wouldn’t be surprised if you’re not at the head of the Muslim hit list.

13 years ago

See what not drinking beer and flossing your teeth turns you into?

13 years ago

I once received death threats from Christian fundamentalists after one of my internet radio shows.

I can’t think why…;-)

Just wait until I get to Scientologists! Oh boy! That WILL be a good post!…;-)

13 years ago

[…] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Kim K., Michael Scott. Michael Scott said: RT @madmike1 No Beer And Lots Of Teeth http://bit.ly/cLShPC […]

13 years ago

And I thought my dancing was dorky. That singer can’t decide if he’s doing the Soul Train shuffle or Oktoberfest Chicken Dance.

I tried the chicken dance once, trying to lure Mother Hen into my Den of Iniquity but unfortunately it laid an egg.

Reply to  Krell
13 years ago

LOL!

Admin
13 years ago

LOL…Good post old beaner.

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