INostrils: Music in Your Nose and Overcoming Writer’s Block

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Some days I feel that it is imperative to write. Like today. I spent three hours this afternoon composing an article only to throw it out like last week’s trash. It happens. Five paragraphs on the way to posterity and it hit me–“This is crap and should never see the light of day.” I close Word and opt not to save.

After a failed attempt to put the most mind-blowing stuff into the English language, only to abandon it like a red-headed step child, a small degree of depression has to be reckoned with. Thoughts of failure, weakness and impotence populate the psyche. Then the most horrid of notions burst forth from the darkest recesses of the soul: I’ll never write again. It’s over. I suck!

[Enter oldest child]

“Daddy! Daddy! Come here!”

“Yeah, what?” I asked.

“Come check this out,” she said. I came out of the alley behind our house, where I was standing feeling hopeless and idiotic, to the back yard where my daughter was standing at the porch with the ear buds to her IPod stuck up her nose with her mouth open. “Can you hear the music?” she asked. I acknowledged that I could. She closed her mouth and the music was muted. She opened her mouth, and I could hear it again.

“Let me try,” I demanded. Making sure the “right” ear bud went into the right nostril and the “left” bud in the left nostril, I gave my daughter the wink to crank it. OH! A symphony in your nose. I could actually feel the sound coming out of my mouth. I implored my daughter to get the youngest one, this being an experience only an evil bastard would not share with others.

Thank God for weird crap like this, or I might still be standing in the alley, bewildered and forlorn.

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C.H. McDermott

C.H. McDermott is a jack-nut doing what he loves best, which changes with each passing moment.
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13 years ago

Could be starting a trend here, the iNostril I mean, the pissing outside is well established.

13 years ago

Great. Now the Krellborn want to try.

We have a special “piss tree” outside in the back yard. There is no point in going all the way in unless you have to wipe.

Jess
13 years ago

You are a cool dad. It’s things like this that matter. Stupid stuff and then the embarrassing recalling of the tale at Thanksgiving dinner. Just like a guy to want to make sure it works though. Kind of like the dad it gives the flies a shock so you might not want to touch it. What does male ‘rental unit do, fires it up and touches said thing. Hope you cleaned those ear buds after being up the noses of the crumbsnatchers.

13 years ago

That was hilarious!

Plus you got some quality Father,Daughter time. I bet you feel like the best of “buds” now!

Osori
13 years ago

Best part of being a parent is sharing this kind of stuff with your kids, instead of being the adult who tells them to go do chores.

Hanging in the alley when the kid called you huh?

Reply to  Osori
13 years ago

I might have been taking a whizz.

Osori
Reply to  The Lawyer
13 years ago

See that comes down to the real problem between the sexes. It’s not the Mars/Venus stuff or us not sharing our feelings or them buying shoes or worrying about their butts looking too big.

It’s women not understanding that guys just naturally piss outside whenever we feel the need. Ladies will notice their husbands coming back into the house, ask what we were doing and are deeply unsatisfied with “Uh, nothin'” but are outright disgusted with “Taking a piss”.

Perhaps there should be a non-denominational urinal built at ground zero.

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