Musing From The Edge: A Great Simple Man
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What is a successful life these days? What marks our legacy? I am left asking myself these questions after a conversation with a very old and very dear friend of mine who is dying. One might expect me to save at least part of this for his eulogy but it is best, I think, that these things be said now. We hear so many people say about someone who has passed away, “he was a good man.” Well, in the case I want to say this before he passes away so that he knows what I said and I that I mean it from the bottom of my heart and soul.
Far too often these days we hear people talk about a good solid American. The kind of person this country was built on. Well I know one very well and though he is not my brother by blood, he is my brother in every other way. From the first day I met Thomas and shook his hand I knew we would be close friends forever. I first met him right after he had married my oldest sister and there was something about the way he looked me straight in the eye with a firm hand shake and simply said, “I am really glad to meet you. Becky has told me a lot about you.” It wasn’t a slick how are you doing, glad handed hand shake like you get many times these days. His hands were those of a working man. Big, calloused, strong and yet accepting and he embraced mine. Just the way he carried himself and handled himself you knew you were in presence of a strong, principled man. One who worked hard for a living and was not ashamed of what he did.
Over the years my relationship with Thomas grew stronger and my respect for him grew in the same proportion. Coming out of a poor family in North Mobile family that virtually grew or hunted most everything they had for food. Most people from the city back then and now would call then hicks, rednecks, or whatever. But the loss was theirs for they never knew the goodness and strength that this family had produced for the world. For the most part Thomas and I became closer than even two brothers could have ever been. I watch him handle problems with his family in his own quiet, steadfast way. I don’t think I ever saw him really lose his temper. He spoke to you in a very direct manner and when he finished you had no doubt as to how he felt about you nor the topic of conversation because he was very clear about both. There was never any meanness or anger, Just straight, right at you how he felt. If you didn’t like it, you knew the way to the door. That was just his way. No hidden agendas, no manipulation, no beating around the bush, That’s Thomas.
I think my favorite times with Thomas was when I went down to Mobile County to visit my folks I would go do to Thomas and Becky’s house when we were a bit younger and the first thing we talked about was an all night fishing trip to Gulf Shores. This was long before it had wrapped itself in the tourist blanket dollars as it is today. We would go over to the state pier and buy some frozen shrimp and sit out on the pier all night fishing, drinking coffee, and just talking. Most all of the time we never caught enough fish to bring home but that wasn’t the point. This became, for a short period of time, a ritual for he and I where we shared our thoughts with one another. While not a highly educated man Thomas had an extremely sharp mind and clarity of vision. He understood things that great learned minds pondered over for years.
Right now Thomas is in a fight for his life. I am sure there was probably things he could have done in his younger years to take better care of himself, had he known to do so, or if he had chosen to at the time. That is probably true of a lot of us above the age of sixty these days. There are perhaps genetic factors going on right now that no one has control over. All I know is there a very special man who has worked hard all his life to rise above his beginnings, has raised to great children who are carrying on in his character, that is hanging on to life by a thread in the University of Alabama Hospital. If fate or God, or whatever forces that be see fit he may be a candidate for a surgery that will allow him to continue in the world for a while longer. If not his days may truly be numbered and a major part of me and my world will leave with him.
Oh yes, one other thing Thomas loved …. ROLL TIDE ROLL
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Very nicely put, Dad. I really really hope to have more time with him too. Looks like the surgery is on for Tuesday as of now…..I hope that they are actually able to go through with it this time. I’m especially glad that I’ve been able to help them by inviting them into my home. I guess we just keep praying for him and wait to see what happens next.
My thoughts are with you, your sister and their kids, as you go through this journey with your friend and brother in love. Gotta say what you need to say, when people are here if and when you can. It seems to me, part of his legacy will always be here, in the friends and their obvious love for him.
Thanks Jess. You are right. I can only hope that I can make others feel the way he has made me feel all these years.
4D you always have a way of saying the right things in the fewest words. Thank you.
You value him and he values you.
I hope you don’t lose him but if you do, for what it’s worth, you made each others life better than they would have been.
That’s friendship.
All the luck in the world to him. I’d pray if I could…I’ll ask the wifey to next Sunday. She will you know.
4D x
Thomas is lucky to have a friend like you Bill. You are both lucky. Friends slip out of your life as years pass, good friends never do.
Thanks Holte. I do feel lucky that he is in my life and I will feel always be grateful for what his humbleness has taught me.
Bill, I’m glad for both of you that you guys became such close friends, and I’m saddened at your friends illness. I hope for him and his family, and for you that he will get that surgery and have many more years of late night fishing with you.
Oso, I doubt that we will get to do any more all night fishing but I hope we will have a lot of time to talk about those days.
I may rant a lot about living in a red state, but most of the people around here are good-hearted straight-shooters like your brother in law. It is a terrible thing to watch a loved one go through what he must be having to endure. Hospitals are awful places to visit, but even worse to be. Spend as much time as you can with him. Thank you for the reminder that we all should tell the people we love how important they are to us, while we still can tell it and they still can hear it.
You have my deepest sympathies.
Mh I sit and ponder the loss I will feel when he passes and you are right. When spend too much time taking those nearest to our hearts for granted. I plan to make the most of what time we have left. I hope he can have the surgery and I hope it works for I need to make up for lost time.