The (British) Empire On Strike

Read Time:4 Minute, 5 Second

When I first began posting on MMA it was under the guise of ‘The (British) Empire Strikes Back’

Not that we have an empire anymore mind, and not that what remains is capable of the simplest Ali shuffle let alone striking anything larger than a Swan Vesta match.

Still. I do like our history.

For example, in 1945 our sense of fair play was evident at the end of WWII when we consoled the Germans with the famous British line of “Oh well, it’s not the winning; it’s the taking part that counts”

…or when patriotic fervour gripped the nation in 1947 when Princess Elizabeth married Prince Philip : aka Philippos Schleswig-Holstein-Sonderburg-Glucksburg : and the couple were asked not to do their wedding vows in German. Philippos gracefully agreed to change his surname, speak English and solemnly pledged to serve The British Crown with a lifetime of embarrassing right-wing outbursts and vaguely racist gaffes.

And let’s not forget the Korean war in 1950 when Britain and the USA determined to prevent South Korea and Japan from going all communist on us ensuring they could both then develop free market economies and wipe out British and American car industries a few decades later – good call Empire (and America)…;-)

…and then there was The Suez Crisis of 1956 when Britain were humiliated after going against the wishes of the USA government and promised to never do it again…..;-)

The 1960’s saw a Labour (Socialist) election win in 1964 when they promised a ‘white hot heat of technological revolution’ – later cancelled with ‘replacement bus service now in operation’…..

…and who could forget the ‘Summer Of Love’ in 1967 followed by the Autumn of Throwing Up Every Morning…now that’s what I call an Empire baby boom!

In 1971, decimal coinage was introduced to annoy old people whilst in 1973 Britain joined the European Economic Community only to discover that foreigners don’t actually understand English even if you shout it at them.


In 1977, the Queen’s Silver Jubilee, saw Royalty vying for attention with punk rockers – their foul language, drunken behaviour and Nazi armbands outraged and disgusted The Sex Pistols….

As the 70’s ended, in 1979 Margaret Thatcher became our first ever female Prime Minister. Shots were heard as her car approached Westminster. She was asked to hand over the gun and close the window….

As the 80’s arrived, Prince Charles, in 1981, married Lady Diana Spencer after extensive searching for a suitable bride who wouldn’t cause any embarrassment. Shockingly, her marriage vows failed to contain the word ‘obey’, declaring instead that she would ‘Love, honour and then utterly humiliate the Royal Family with a string of embarrassing revelations after being shagged by Major James Hewitt’.

Argentina invaded The Falklands in 1982 – presumably as they were running short of sheep, in 1984 the Miners went on strike for a year and our British Police hit law abiding members of the public over the head with batons for having the temerity to travel legally around the country.


The 90’s heralded a new Empire dawn as Mrs. Thatcher was rendered unemployed and blamed er….Thatcherism….um…..her best pal Ronald Reagan later suggested she seek the advice of his good pal Princess David seemingly forgetting that, a) she was female, and b) she was dead.

In 1997 another Princess…Tony Bliar was elected in a landslide victory including over 100 women MP’s. At Prime Ministers Question Time he is forced to ask them on which week of each month they may vote erratically…..

Also in 1997 the British public are asked to believe Princess Diana lived her life like a ‘Candle In The Wind’ – unfortunately, Henri Paul lost his ‘no-claims insurance bonus’….

….and so, to the 21st Century….

The Millenium Bug fails to bring planes falling out of the sky to the disappointment of those who hoped several might crash onto The Millenium Dome.

In 2003 Britain’s shrinking empire joins America in a war in Iraq to prevent Sadam Hussain from using his weapons of mass destruction or his giant Death Star.

In 2008, British Capitalism finally implodes to the delight of the Socialist government who take over the banks only to find there’s no money left in them.

…and in 2009 Cameron and his Old Etonians take charge preparing for another decade or three with upper class idiots in charge.

…and that, MMA, is the potted history of The British Empire as related to me by my Grandad re 1945 – 1956, my dad 1956 – 1964 and me 1964 to the present day.

With enormous thanks to John O’Farrell from who I have cheerfully plagiarized a bit..well…quite a bit actually…well..most of it really….well? It’s been a long day!….Sorry John….sue them…they have more money than I have…;-)

Nite America and let’s be careful out there….

4D x

Enhanced by Zemanta

About Post Author

Carol Bell

Carol is a graduate of the University of Alabama. Her passion is journalism and it shows. Carol is our unpaid, but very efficient, administrative secretary.
Happy
Happy
0 %
Sad
Sad
0 %
Excited
Excited
0 %
Sleepy
Sleepy
0 %
Angry
Angry
0 %
Surprise
Surprise
0 %
0 0 votes
Article Rating
Subscribe
Notify of

14 Comments
Newest
Oldest Most Voted
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
13 years ago

What a great theme you have 🙂 your web-site articles are pretty useful too. Many thanks 🙂

Admin
13 years ago

I love this! This is Four Dinners!

Jess
Reply to  Professor Mike
13 years ago

I learned two things tonight. I had no idea what an Ali shuffle was. Hubby just rolled his eyes when he said probably Muhammad Ali and how he fought, yeah I could kick my own ass on that one and the whole Swan Vesta match. I thought it was something between something called Swan and Vesta, you know like a tennis match or something. I know, typical American youngster, that knows nothing about the world outside. 😉

Oso
Reply to  Jess
13 years ago

Ay Jess, guess that dates me.I used to be able to do a decent Ali Shuffle then jab. When I was in high school I wanted to be a fighter, Ali was a heavyweight and on a good day I was 140. But I tried to fight like him anyway.

13 years ago

Your video reminded me of the more American version of that show.

The views and opinions of Archie Bunker do not necessarily reflect those of me.

13 years ago

The worst thing about Diana’s death was all the play it got in the news media – all Diana, all the time. Second worst: the elevation of Princess Die to near sainthood. Or maybe the two are in a tie for worst.

osori
13 years ago

fourdinners,
what’s odd is it seems as we grown in technology empires seem to shrink in terms of time. The Romans lasted what,1000 years in one form or another? The Ottomans 600. British maybe 200, the US about the same. Wonder if whoever’s next will last less than 100?

13 years ago

Jess…Diana’s death was not a good thing. The modern era?????

Brits everywhere went GAGA…and not Lady either…

A sweet young slapper died and we threw roses on her funeral procession???…..

One of many days that England died babe.

England…please get a life….before you lose the one we’ve got eh?

Jess
Reply to  fourdinners
13 years ago

When I say modern era, I mean the whole being out there with people, who the royals typically didn’t go out and meet right. She was willing to be there, sit and talk to them where the rest of them did the snobby looking down at the serfs, like they are better than everyone. Seemed she was more normal than the rest of them appear to be. People everywhere went gaga when she died, not just in England, you guys just felt it more, being so close and having her be one of your own for lack of a better term.

13 years ago

as a matter of interest..or probably not…the blond bloke is the father of Cherie Blair…she of the ridiculously wide mouth and wife of Princess Tony….

…if only he had known he’d have had the snip eh?

13 years ago

close enough…;-)

13 years ago

Jess…one son is hers and Prince Charley’s…the younger is hers and Major Hewitts…although we pretend he isn’t…

…trust me I’m from Oldham…;-)

Jess
Reply to  fourdinners
13 years ago

Right what do you guys call them over there, the heir and the spare.

Jess
13 years ago

the part about Thatcher closing the window is funny. You know Sarah Palin loves her, even though she had no clue who she was. I remember when Princess Diana died, I watched everything I could as far as the coverage. Seems she brought the country into the modern era with her freshness and her two sons. I felt so bad for them losing their mom when they were so little. Yuck, Tony Blair should be sharing a cell in the Hague with Bush, Cheney and the rest of them as war criminals.
You guys make really good movies too, so no trivia history would be complete without saying that 🙂 Oh and I had to look up what a Swan Vesta match was, I thought it was some kind of game or something when you said strike< i thought players vs owners or something like that. The things you learn on the internets from foreigners 😉

Previous post Celebrity Sex & Drugs & Rock ‘n’ Roll
Next post The Boss!!!
14
0
Would love your thoughts, please comment.x
()
x