FOX NEWS: Scaring white people since 1996 and damn proud of it
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I don’t allow members of my household to turn on Fox News. Then again, since the members of my household are all dogs, this is not a problem.
My main concern, however, is that within less than 48 hours all of that will change and an actual person of the human persuasion will be arriving for an “extended visit.” It has been brought to my attention, that although a liberal thinker, this person actually enjoys FOX news, because she appreciates a different perspective. So, what do I do? Do I apply the dog rules to all of those who have beating hearts? Should I be afraid? Should I be very afraid? Please help me out. I need you….
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OK, Mike, I am aware of your problem. I know that the person to whom you are referring is smarter than you (at least we let her think that for a long time). You must remember that she is smart enough to see through their BS. My suggestion is to quickly train your non human companions roll on the floor and yelp every time the TV is turned onto FOX. That way you don’t get blamed for it and she would really feel bad for the dogs. You can yelp for days and she would just tell you to get over it, but she really loves the dogs. Also, get her to drink some thing other than wine.
Okay, cracker, listen up. This is what you do. Get yourself a pen and paper, and take notes, then write about it. Remember, I did this for my first four posts at MMA–A Beckwork Orange. It can actually be fun, as long as you have alcohol handy–lots of alcohol.
Oh yeah that is rich. Torture the poor guy, the way you were tortured watching that. You want him to get some kind of alcohol poisoning don’t you? Remember how close you came to insanity? No, ask Mrs Mc, I’m sure she’ll tell you.
It is my understanding that you can only get alcohol poisoning if you drink cheap booze. Uh oh…..
Hmm, I thought it was from over consumption of alcohol, not just cheap stuff. I’m going to check the Google on that, I’ll let you know what I find.
LOl lol lol…A Beckwork Orange…Poor Anthony Burgess. He had no idea of the monster he created 🙂
I’m of two minds here. If extended company is female, I am certain, just CERTAIN you could find other ways to occupy time, than being in front of the idiot box. Now if this other person is male, you could organize some drinking game, he would be passed out within 5 minutes if they use the words Fox News reports… in a serious way.
Were I in your shoes I would just say the tee vee is broken, and bring out old swatches of curtain material or something. Less boring and you would have better conversation around material. I too, have to admit to watching the Beckerhead once in a while, in the hopes the day I watch is the day he goes totally off his head and explodes on air. I know this might make me a bad person, but I have come to terms with that and I’m ok with it.
“old swatches of curtain material?” How about a bottle of scotch, a glass of wine (for the Human Person), a few bones for the dogs, and the DVD of Zombies? YAY!!!
See that would be the “or something” I mentioned. Always things to do rather than tee vee, especially Fox.
My family and I used to watch FOX for the pure entertainment. It was always good for a laugh. Fortunately the Japanese aren’t big fans of Glenn Beck et al, so now we have to look elsewhere for our comedy. Fun read Mad.
This is a lethal version of the hammer technique, but the young lady may be armed with a .45 ACP!
Take a number 5 hammer to the TV.
You know about me and TV’s my friend. I just couldn’t possibly bring myself to do it.
If all the world is ketchup, how can there be bottles or a stage? Huh?
Hey yeah!! How can that be? The dogs will be suspicious for sure. The Human Person…well I don’t know 🙂
Let her watch, and watch with her. Be sure to position a large, empty bowl between your knees before settling back. She will ask “Why the bowl” and you will tell her it is in case you feel compelled to puke, you will at least not soil the carpet.
As for the dogs, make sure they are out of earshot should any of the screeching harpies come on. Or little earplugs…
“…or little earplugs.” ROFLMAO!!!!!!!! Thanks MH 🙂 🙂
No problem with Fox news. Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer. As the great Frasier Crane once said, “I better copyright that before some unscrupulous hack steals it.”
Another story comes to mind. Imagine all the world is ketchup. Imagine a stage. In the audience is a large bottle of ketchup and small bottle. On the stage are two large bottles of ketchup, one standing and the other lying on the ground, broken, and leaking its contents. The large bottle in the audience leans over to the small one and comforts him with these words: “Do not worry, son, they are only actors and it’s not real ketchup.”
Make sure you tell this bedtime story to your dogs before your guest arrives.
The only other advice I can give you is to consult the oracle known as Dear Maddy.
John what great stories. I will certainly pass them along, both to the Human Person and to the dogs, perhaps on that day known as The Eve of the New Year :-).
I am sure you got this, but the reason you tell your pets this story is so when you tell them the next one, they will have something to relate it to.
Don’t worry, dear doggies, they are only actors, and it’s not real news.
Lol…thanks John 🙂