Musings From The Edge: Dog Prayers

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Ever wonder whats going on in your pooch’s head when he or she is lying around gazing off into nothingness. Well, just by chance I happen to take a brief survey, which is by no means meant to be comprehensive, but some of the canines on my street did give me a bit of insight. It seems that they have bought into the prayer thing that their masters do and here are a sample of their responses:

Dear God:


Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a Dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We do love a nice ride! Would it be so hard to rename the ‘Chrysler Eagle’ the ‘Chrysler Beagle’?


If a Dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad Dog?



Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?


We Dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID’s, electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?

Here is a list of some of the things I think I need to do to be a good Dog and get to heaven.
1. I will not eat the cats’ food before they eat it or after they throw it up.
2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell.
3. The Litter Box is not a cookie jar.
4. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
5. The guy in the UPS truck is not coming just so I have someone to chase around the yard.
6. Sticking my nose into someone’s crotch is an unacceptable way of saying ‘hello’.
7. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house – not after.
8. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt across the carpet.
9. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch.
10. The cat is not a ‘squeaky toy’ so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it’s usually not good thing.
How do these sound to you. OK?

P.S. Dear God: When I get to Heaven may I have my testicles back?

Amen

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About Post Author

Bill Formby

Bill Formby, aka William A. Formby, PhD, aka Lazersedge is a former Marine and a former police officer. He is a retired University Educator who considers himself a moderate pragmatic progressive liberal, meaning that he thinks practically liberal, acts practically liberal, and he is not going to change in the near future. But, if he does he will be sure to let you know.
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Jess
13 years ago

Nothing like kitty roca breath on the dogs is there?

The Lt.
13 years ago

Now this is marvelous. Our two dogs demonstrate remarkable personality and emotional traits. Thanks Lazer’s Edge.

13 years ago

LOL. The cat box isn’t a cookie jar. It is a box of trail mix- crunchy AND chewy!!

lazersedge
Reply to  Mother Hen
13 years ago

Yeah, well Rascal and I will never agree on that one. 🙂

Admin
13 years ago

As one would expect: I love this post!! Thanks Bill.

lazersedge
Reply to  Professor Mike
13 years ago

Thought you would Mike.

lazersedge
13 years ago

That sounds good but the little Yorkie next door belongs to a couple of bible thumpers and he insists he is going to the Rainbow Bridge in heaven. I don’t know. I am just a reporter here.

13 years ago

We call it going into the DZ – the Dog Zone……..

13 years ago

Great Bill – Love your list.

lazersedge
Reply to  Holte Ender
13 years ago

Not mine, I don’t stick my nose in people’s crotch to say hello. At least not when I am sober anyway.

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