Obama: Give every American a free parrot
About Michael John ScottMr. Scott is the owner and publisher of Mad Mike's America. He is a U.S. Army veteran, career law enforcement executive, and dog trainer. He is a university professor, and criminal justice consultant, holding several degrees, including a master's in criminal justice and human services. He has completed the requisite coursework toward his doctorate, and is still working on his dissertation.
View all posts by Michael John Scott →
It is true that the world is troubled with pain, but our president and his brilliant team of advisers has devised a way to lighten our load and bring a little sunshine into our lives. Read this wonderful story:
WASHINGTON—After months of tense bipartisan negotiations, President Barack Obama announced Monday he had secured a deal to provide every man, woman, and child in the United States with a parrot. “These are beautiful animals that can live up to 80 years and are very smart,” said Obama, feeding sunflower seeds to a blue and gold macaw he referred to as General Parrotraeus. “At a time when there is so much dividing us as a nation, we must never forget that there are some things every American can cherish. You will enjoy these birds.” A press release from the White House stated that while no food or cages would be provided, citizens who already own a bird may opt out with proof of parrot.
If the logo didn’t give it away this is from our dear friends at The Onion!
Peter Lake
April 30, 2011 at 8:57 am
Hahahahahaha! Made my day. Gotta love The Onion.
Walkingtall
April 30, 2011 at 9:31 am
This is the first time I visited here and joined your facebook club right away. While I wander about your delightful site I will be waiting for my parrot. HAHAHAHAHAHA!
greenlight
April 30, 2011 at 9:41 am
What if you have cockatiels? Can you opt out with cockatiels?
And why am I even asking? Of course I’d take a free parrot! It’ll be a nice comfort when I lose my right to health care, Social Security, and unionization.
Squawk!
A Michael J. Scott
April 30, 2011 at 9:42 am
LOL! Cockatiels should qualify for happiness, especially if you have two of them. Blue and Gold Macaws, like other big Amazons, can be incredibly annoying. They are extremely loud and noisome, much like Donald Trump
greenlight
April 30, 2011 at 10:21 am
But the important question: Do they have better hair?
Oh well, I suppose a Macaw in a toupee could make for some smiles.
A Macaw trained by Trump…now that would be a nightmare. I’m more of a “family show” kind of gal. Then again, I just read that Macaws can make fair to poor talkers…hm, that does sound kind of like Trump.
Jess
April 30, 2011 at 11:33 am
Hey you should do what I did and get in touch with some overseas people, see if they have relatives they could foist you off on in a country with national health care. AYUP, I certainly did, told someone the other day to start looking at relatives I could marry when I get rid of my husband. Hubby’s not taking it well though, don’t know why this would be
Jess
April 30, 2011 at 11:30 am
What about those of us, who are really scared of the birds (like to look at them, but really terrifingly scared of them) and love the horses, can we be satisfied? Why does he want to scare me with birds, it’s some kind of subliminal message isn’t it? Oh see what I did there, you knew I would
greenlight
April 30, 2011 at 11:33 am
Great thoughts, Jess. And ponies! We need a pony for every kid.
If we wait around for election season, we should be able to get politicians to start promising all sorts of cool things.
Four Dinners
April 30, 2011 at 3:07 pm
Monty Python – The Dead Parrot Sketch. I recommend to you all.