The Silly Book says men can breast feed
Read Time:2 Minute, 6 Second
I do so wish the Christians would stop reading The Silly Book
The Surgeon General has determined that reading The Silly Book can be harmful to your health
Are you dancin’ on me dire knockers here? How freaking stupid can these bloody Christians be in the changing fortunes of time? Men can produce milk and feed babies because the bloody Bible, known here as The Silly Book, says it’s so? What the f*ck? I do apologize for my less than church-like language, but what the hell (didn’t say f*ck), I’m not a church goin’ guy anyway.
Bugger me! I’m exhausted so you can read this bit of nonsense from a God loving Silly Book reader:
In his quest to test “an obscure secret of biology,” Michael Thomsen starts by getting biblical, meaning he got his stuff from The Silly Book! He quotes Numbers 11:12—”Carry them in your bosom, as a nursing father bears the sucking child”—as a sort of introduction to his unusual personal challenge: to see if a man can lactate. Thomsen writes that male lactation has been observed in fruit bats, goats, and guinea pigs; so why not humans? And he was irked that the assumption that men can’t breastfeed has been used in the courtroom as an argument against gay marriage. So the 33-year-old, set out to produce some milk, based on what he had read in The Silly Book.
First, a science lesson: A hormone called prolactin is what causes the breast tissue of both men and women to lactate. Thomsen could, in theory, take a drug to stimulate his body’s production of it, but he was unsure of both the side effect and his chances of getting a doctor to prescribe it to him. So he decided to try a nipple-based method: using a manual breast pump, which “ideally involves pumping each breast every three hours around the clock,” while downing an “organic lactation booster from Whole Foods.”
After seven long and monotonous weeks in which he spent hours pumping without producing a drop, Thomsen realized what he was missing: the baby. “For all our assumptions about breastfeeding, the one abiding truth is that it exists to nourish and comfort new life. The walls of gender could be broken down, but without a child to benefit, what was the point?”
Praise the Lord and don’t forget to read The Silly Book to ensure your daily happiness and encourage you to perform stupid experiments like this one.
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This is one of the most stupid, uneducated, unscholarly posts I’ve ever seen in my life.
Glad you enjoyed it.
This is from the Onion right? If not it’s one of the craziest things I’ve ever heard.