A gift from an absentee dad
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A Gift from an Absentee Dad
In order to understand this, I need you to stay with me. No commercial breaks – or I assure you – you will read this five times and ask the question, ‘Wait, now who is Marci?’ Simply stated…. Marci is my ex-husband’s ex-wife that has my step-daughter that I didn’t know existed and is now simply a good friend named Marci. Now, if you understood that, let’s continue.
I have made clear that I have an almost 18 year old daughter, a 15 year old son, and a four year old silly girl. The older two were from a marriage that ended almost 14 years ago (do the math)… sweet little Emma was the product of a too much of everything summer (again, different article).
After a very bitter divorce, a restraining order, zero dollars, and a few (a lot) of drinks…. I ended up a single mother with an ex-husband that gave me an ultimatum: Drop the divorce or you and the kids will never see me again. Yea, that was 14 years ago….. nope… haven’t seen him. Neither have the kiddos. Okay, that’s the history….
Here’s the silver lining. During a time when an attorney was necessary for a restraining order due to some stupid threats, I found out that this man, whom I was married to, had relinquished rights to a daughter from a prior marriage. I knew nothing of either (hey, I was only 23). ANYWAY, this man obtained his own attorney to terminate his rights from my children. I was absolutely okay with it – UNTIL the paperwork came. After a bajillion pages discussing how my kids won’t inherit his ‘would be’ lottery winnings, nor take insurance on his life (dammit), there came the last and life changing statement. ‘I AssJerk (aka, not his given name), have decided that it is in the children’s best interest that I terminate all parental rights; and while this was a difficult decision, it is in their best interest.’ I quoted this for you. Now, what is wrong with that???? Nothing, other than Mr. AssJerk CROSSED out, yes crossed out – in ink – the part about it being a difficult decision! We shall now refer to him as Mr. DumbAss. Because you guys know me well enough now… these kids are it. Nothing gets in the way. I cannot believe someone thought they could sharpie them out of this world…..again, ANYWAY, I refused. I said, ‘uh, never mind, not happenin’…. And so the sweet man moved to a different state, out of attorney general’s grasp, and I haven’t heard from him since. But, that’s okay. There’s Marci (refer to the first line). Out of sorrow, anger, guilt, and perhaps a parenting epiphany, I called Marci, told her who I was and that I knew she had been down my road already. She was, to say the least, magnanimous.
Twelve years later, I enjoyed a weekend visit with my friend Marci, her husband Rusty, and my ‘step-daughter Meagan, AND her baby, Addison. You lose Mr. DumbAssJerk. We win. We all win. No, I don’t get child support, or insurance, or every other weekend off…. But you don’t get any of us – And they all lived happily ever after….. The end.
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Great post Tamra. I really enjoyed the maze.:) Sounds something like my family tree.
One thing I don’t understand is why adults take things out on the kids or use them as weapons. Well, yes, actually I do understand it since I have saw it happen so many times. I almost believe it somewhat like serial killers in that the kids are depersonalize to being things rather than little people. Well, actually, I see that a lot at Wal Mart. “Waaah!” Slap, Slap. “You better stop screamin'” “Waaah! Waaah” Slap, Slap, Slap. Same thing.
Ok, never mind.
Great post, Tamra! The best thing to come out of my marriage, by far, was my stepdaughter–and I do talk to her mom far more than I do my ex.
He’s definitely lost the most in all of this–with his issues, I doubt he will ever truly be happy. The best we can do is move right along…
Right on, Tamra. It all almost always works out for the best. One of my very first cases I was representing a young lady in a divorce. Like most divorces I’ve handled, I withdrew as counsel right when the thing became an pissing match with no end in sight. Months later I asked the the attorney representing the dad/husband how the whole thing turned out. They had two kids. Each parent kept one kid and released their parental rights to the other. The idiocy and selfishness of some people overwhelms me at times.