Musing From The Edge: A Great Simple Man

Way back in September of last year I wrote a post about someone who I consider a great man. Not the kind of man you will read about in the headlines of the local, state, or national newspapers. Not a sports hero or what we now use the much too often used word “hero” to describe. But a simple man who, like many others, lived a simple life, worked hard every day of his life to care for his family and simply to always do the right thing by people. His name was Thomas and he had just entered the University of Alabama hospital for an experimental heart operation. After struggling almost a year Thomas finally lost his fight for life. I wrote the post largely on the premise of the meaning of success and what it really meant. Does one have to be famous, rich, well known, or make some monumental contribution to humankind to be considered a success. Thomas was none of those but if you knew him, you would know why I consider him a success in his life. He gave more to this world than he ever took from it and only asked that he be allowed to work, take care of his family, and enjoy every minute he could on this earth. Below is a reprint of the tribute I wrote for him then.

What is a successful life these days? What marks our legacy? I am left asking myself these questions after a conversation with a very old and very dear friend of mine who is dying. One might expect me to save at least part of this for his eulogy but it is best, I think, that these things be said now. We hear so many people say about someone who has passed away, “he was a good man.” Well, in the case I want to say this before he passes away so that he knows what I said and I that I mean it from the bottom of my heart and soul.

Far too often these days we hear people talk about a good solid American. The kind of person this country was built on. Well I know one very well and though he is not my brother by blood, he is my brother in every other way. From the first day I met Thomas and shook his hand I knew we would be close friends forever. I first met him right after he had married my oldest sister and there was something about the way he looked me straight in the eye with a firm hand shake and simply said, “I am really glad to meet you. Becky has told me a lot about you.” It wasn’t a slick how are you doing, glad handed hand shake like you get many times these days. His hands were those of a working man. Big, calloused, strong and yet accepting and he embraced mine. Just the way he carried himself and handled himself you knew you were in presence of a strong, principled man. One who worked hard for a living and was not ashamed of what he did.
Over the years my relationship with Thomas grew stronger and my respect for him grew in the same proportion. Coming out of a poor family in North Mobile family that virtually grew or hunted most everything they had for food. Most people from the city back then and now would call then hicks, rednecks, or whatever. But the loss was theirs for they never knew the goodness and strength that this family had produced for the world. For the most part Thomas and I became closer than even two brothers could have ever been. I watch him handle problems with his family in his own quiet, steadfast way. I don’t think I ever saw him really lose his temper. He spoke to you in a very direct manner and when he finished you had no doubt as to how he felt about you nor the topic of conversation because he was very clear about both. There was never any meanness or anger, Just straight, right at you how he felt. If you didn’t like it, you knew the way to the door. That was just his way. No hidden agendas, no manipulation, no beating around the bush, That’s Thomas.
I think my favorite times with Thomas was when I went down to Mobile County to visit my folks I would go do to Thomas and Becky’s house when we were a bit younger and the first thing we talked about was an all night fishing trip to Gulf Shores. This was long before it had wrapped itself in the tourist blanket dollars as it is today. We would go over to the state pier and buy some frozen shrimp and sit out on the pier all night fishing, drinking coffee, and just talking. Most all of the time we never caught enough fish to bring home but that wasn’t the point. This became, for a short period of time, a ritual for he and I where we shared our thoughts with one another. While not a highly educated man Thomas had an extremely sharp mind and clarity of vision. He understood things that great learned minds pondered over for years.
Right now Thomas is in a fight for his life. I am sure there was probably things he could have done in his younger years to take better care of himself, had he known to do so, or if he had chosen to at the time. That is probably true of a lot of us above the age of sixty these days. There are perhaps genetic factors going on right now that no one has control over. All I know is there a very special man who has worked hard all his life to rise above his beginnings, has raised to great children who are carrying on in his character, that is hanging on to life by a thread in the University of Alabama Hospital. If fate or God, or whatever forces that be see fit he may be a candidate for a surgery that will allow him to continue in the world for a while longer. If not his days may truly be numbered and a major part of me and my world will leave with him.

Oh yes, one other thing Thomas loved …. ROLL TIDE ROLL

Thomas was 65 years old when he passed and he will be sorely missed but I am thankful for the years I had with him.

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