My name is Dwight, I’m a gay man from Idaho, and I was raped

gayrapesad My name is Dwight, I’m a gay man from Idaho, and I was raped

It has been a little over 10 years since that terrifying night that changed my life, my body, my mind and my heart. While living in Denver, I made the mistake of trusting the wrong person.

While having a drink with somebody I thought was a new friend, I was drugged (in my drink), abducted, bound, and gang-raped by four men. It was obviously planned and premeditated. It was brutal, violent, and sadistic. It was without a doubt a “hate crime”. I am telling my story in hopes of helping others. I am NOT a victim, I am a Victor! I am a survivor!

I left my hometown of Emmett, Idaho for a short time in 2001 and went to Denver, Colorado. My sister and her family were moving there. I could no longer hold my secret in. My intention was to have the safety of anonymity of a big city.  I was facing the fact that I was gay, but I could not say it in small-town-rural-close-minded Idaho. The years of bullying and name-calling in school, just for being suspected of being gay, told me that I could never “come out” among the people I loved, and the town that I devoted myself to both personally and professionally.

My time in Denver was brief, intense and ended in violence, which prompted my return to Idaho, back to the safety of Emmett, and my family. I went there with the intention of “coming to terms” with being gay. I knew inside I was gay, but I was not “out”, and I was running out strength to hide from it. Shortly after being introduced to a man, who I thought was becoming a friend, I soon realized he was not a friend, he was evil. He invited me to go have a drink with him and some friends; I was so excited because I had never really gone out with a guy before. Shortly after arriving at the bar, and after a few sips of my first drink, I knew something wasn’t right. I could feel that something had been put into my drink, I felt “out of my mind”.

He and his friends led me to the car, after I got into the vehicle, they bound my wrists together. They then said they were going to show me what “being a faggot was really about”. I then have no memory until my wrists and ankles were being tied to a bed. I couldn’t see anything, they had blindfolded me. Then each of the four men took turns raping me, taking breaks only long enough to hit me, or take another drag off of their pipe.

I remember there being a strange odor, and I could hear them whispering about “how good the Meth was”. I can remember how cold my body was, and how hot my blood felt as it ran down my legs, and down the crack of my butt to my back. And, I can remember the horrible ripping, tearing, burning pain…I felt as though they were swinging the sharp side of an axe between my legs, chopping away like they were avidly attempting to fall a tree.

Truth be told, there were moments during the crime when I thought I would meet the same fate he did, there were moments when I prayed to live and escape, and there were moments when I prayed for the mercy that only death could bring; anything as long as I could no longer see, hear, or feel anymore is all I wanted. I could see out the bottom of the blindfold, my wrists and ankles were tied to the corners of a bed. But, I was thankful that consciousness was on and off for me, the drugs in the beverage and passing out from the terror and trauma was a small blessing. I am fortunate to not remember every single detail, which I am so far beyond thankful for.

Ten years later and I am grateful that my life did not end. I ended up bloody and bruised inside of my Ford Explorer sometime during the middle of the following day in the parking lot of my apartment complex. Where I wrapped myself in a blanket and slowly made my way into my apartment, and spent hours sitting on the floor of the shower for hours tending to my many wounds. I then went into “hiding” for a few days, and eventually got fired from job for missing work.

In the shower, I sat there and the water went from hot to warm to cold…but I could not even feel the water. I stared at the drain with a foot on each side of the drain that I knew were mine, but they no longer felt like they were attached to my body. I watched for hours as a steady stream of blood, their fluids drained from me, it mixed with water and together and went down the drain.

I was in so much physical pain, and in shock, my body was no longer functioning properly. I could not feel a thing. It was the closest thing to an out-of-body experience I have ever felt. In my mind’s eye, I can still see myself crouched over, sitting on the floor of the shower, with my arms around my knees, my head between them, alone, and mesmerized by the drain.

As I sat there, I had a million pictures flash through my mind; pictures of that night, pictures from pre-school, memories through my life flooded my brain. I could still clearly hear their voices; I could hear them cheering one another on. I could hear the horrible things they said to me. I could hear them threatening my life, over and over. As if the torture they inflicted on me wasn’t enough, they verbally degraded and taunted me. They made statements like, “faggots are suppose to like this”, and “hey little girl, stop crying”, and among one another they chuckled, “boy, I hope he doesn’t get pregnant”.

I got out of the shower and crawled to my bed. I stayed there for two days without moving. I vowed I would never speak of this, I would not report it to the police, and I would not seek medical attention. I would just “deal” with it.

I could hear the phone ringing, and I could hear voices coming through my answering machine. I still did not move. I listened as my boss called and left a message telling me I was fired, I did not even flinch.
I knew they knew where I lived, and I was waiting for them to come back and finish me off, I waited for the sounds of their voices again, I waited to hear them coming up the hallway to my room to kill me.

After getting out of bed, I went into hiding. I couldn’t go out in public. I had bruises all over. I had ligature marks around my wrists and ankles. The blood vessels in my eyes were broken, and I had blood spots on the whites of my eyes. I talked to my mom and my sister on the phone and acted like I was fine. I acted as though I had been at work.

What I didn’t realize at the time is that there was more than blood that drained out of me in the shower. My goals, spirit, dreams, happiness, and life were attached to those blood cells that swirled around the drain. All of it went into the Denver Metro Sewer System.

In my silence, I knew I had to leave Denver and return home to Idaho. I did not feel safe because they knew where I lived. I did my best to secretly tend to all my wounds, tucking my prolapsed rectum back into myself, then hemorrhoids, and bleeding, etc. I told myself that I would just pretend it never happened. My body was damaged, as was my heart and mind. I had no idea just how much I would be dealing with for the following 10+ years.

A whirlwind of medical procedures, illnesses, surgeries, and financial woes ensued and have NOT stopped yet. People think that if you are a victim of a crime, that it is just the one main event, then it is done. Believe me, that is not the case. I am still afflicted by many diagnoses and conditions. The damage, the trauma, and the stress take a tremendous toll on your physical being. And, for ten years now I have been amidst a complete financial disaster. I have done my best to work in between surgeries and procedures.

In May 2011, after almost 10 years, I finally released it. I told my family and friends, I spoke of it on Facebook. I instinctively hid it inside of myself, just like I did about being gay. It has been 10 months now of coping, healing, speaking, feeling, living, battling, overcoming, and striving to love the skin that I wear. I will never give up, and I will never stop trying. I started a page for Hate Crime Survivors on Facebook. I communicate with other victims and survivors. It is now a part of who I am.

I will be 35 years old on the 28th of this month. In a couple weeks I will be moving into my Dads house, because of all the financial burden of these 10 years. I am letting go of my rented townhouse, and my thrift store furnishings with the hope that life will give me a chance to start over again. These past 10 months have been so difficult in many ways, but also my life has become a beautiful thing that I truly cherish for the first time in almost 35 years.

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83 Responses to My name is Dwight, I’m a gay man from Idaho, and I was raped

  1. Peggy Roche Reply

    March 20, 2012 at 10:36 am

    Dwight….you have beyond my full attention and complete sincere sympathy for you dreadful ordeal. By the grace of the Old Ones neither I nor my immediate family members have ever suffered such a thing first hand but I have spent several decades actively involved in LGBT issues (especially young people) and HIV/AIDS activism.You have much to contribute and offer the community. Please do not give up now…share and I promise you will save many folks sanity and probably their lives. Peggy

  2. Dwight Munger, Jr/III Reply

    March 20, 2012 at 12:42 pm

    Peggy,
    Thank you for your kind words. People like you have made my life so much better! I ask you to please “share” my story on Facebook/Twitter, etc. My hope is that it may raise awareness and prevent others from enduring the same torture, and that hate will END! Thank you again!
    Dwight Munger, III

  3. Steven Kertes Reply

    March 20, 2012 at 12:44 pm

    Dwight-

    I have known you and your family since you were about 8 years old and the words you speak are so painful to listen to I can only imagine how painful they were to live through. I commend you for your honesty, integrity and bravery for handling such a tragic event with such grace and dignity. I know from experience how painful it can be to hikde our true identity and wanting the world wo know what we are really about and what we stand for. Being gay in this country can be very painful and it saddens me. Your story truly saddens me but I smile because I have known you for so many years and I know your character and what your all about. Dwight, don’t give up the fight your story will help hundreds of young men struggling with their sexuality and with who they are. You exemplify what it means to get knocked down but to get right back up and keep fighting. Karma is a bitch and I will guarantee you that these individuals will pay for their horrific crime when they least expect it.

  4. Erin Nanasi Reply

    March 20, 2012 at 1:58 pm

    You really are one of my heroes. This made me cry for so many reasons, and the main one is that you, after everything, are a light in the darkness.

  5. Anonymous Reply

    March 20, 2012 at 3:34 pm

    Dwight, I am very sorry you had to suffer this extremely traumatic assault. I applaud you for pulling yourself through this to clearly see how strong you are and recognize that they did not steal your dignity or your strong character. I hope you continue to surround yourself with equally strong and loving friends who will support your continued recovery. You have shown others that within themselves are the strength to overcome extreme adversity. They don’t have to choose hopelessness. I wish you the very best in your future.

  6. Dwight Munger, Jr/III Reply

    March 20, 2012 at 5:25 pm

    My personal Facebook Page…
    Dwight Munger III

  7. Dwight Munger, Jr/III Reply

    March 20, 2012 at 5:33 pm

    Dear “Annonymous”,
    Thank you so much for your kindness. The words you have given to me are a gift! People like you help to make the world an easier place to live in. I am grateful for your comment.
    Sincerely,
    Dwight

  8. Dwight Munger, Jr/III Reply

    March 20, 2012 at 5:39 pm

    Steven/Steve,
    Thank you so much for being a kind person, and a great friend all these years! Life has not been easy to say the least, but because of this crime my heart is much more capable of loving my friends, family, even complete strangers. I agree, they will succomb to Karma. I appreciate and love YOU my friend.
    Most humbly,
    Dwight

  9. Dwight Munger, Jr/III Reply

    March 20, 2012 at 5:48 pm

    Erin,
    You are a hero to me! Thank you for helping get me the opportunity to share my life at MadMikes. Thank you for the work that you do each and every day, your words, articles, videos, etc. help so many people. I have cried some today too. I will never understand why this happened. But, I have reached a point where “why” is not something I try and find an answer for any longer. All I want is for my life to be the best I can make it be, and I want to make life better for the countless others who have endured the same horrible things.
    I adore you, respect you, admire you, and love you so much! Thank you again.
    Always,
    Dwight

  10. Dwight Munger, Jr/III Reply

    March 20, 2012 at 6:03 pm

    PLEASE FEEL FREE TO *SHARE* THIS STORY. (There are “share” buttons above). My intention is to help raise awareness for hate crimes. I would truly appreciate it, thank you.

  11. Kevin Robinson Reply

    March 20, 2012 at 6:35 pm

    Dear Dwight,

    I’ve just read your story and i’m so sorry you had to suffer such a horrific assault. I want you to know that I think you’re an amazing human being for not giving up hope and having the courage and the strength to carry on and battle through the adversity you have endured and are still enduring. Your example will inspire others and help them in the future.

    I hope those men that assaulted you will be brought to Justice one day for their horrific crime against you and will meet the severest punishment by the law.

    You keep your chin up mate and hold your head high and I hope that you will continue to keep that Phoenix spirit of yours rising and find peace with the love and support of your friends, family and in time someone very special.

    I’ll leave you with this quote from Confucius, it is a quote that I read everyday and has helped me through some tough times:

    “Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall”

    • Dwight Munger, (Jr) III Reply

      March 21, 2012 at 4:15 pm

      Kevin,

      Thank you so much for you kindness, and thank you for the quote you shared. Your words and the quote mean the world to me, and I am so grateful that you took the time for me.

      Always,
      Dwight

  12. Alex Sawyers Reply

    March 20, 2012 at 7:08 pm

    Dwight,
    Even though I knew your story, I got a bit choked up reading this story here. I know it must be painful writing this, but doing so just shows how much courage you have in doing so. I don’t think I’d be able to deal with all that you’ve been through over the last 11 years. No exaggeration here – you are the most courageous person I’ve ever known in my life. You are my friend, my brother, and my hero!

    • Dwight Munger, (Jr) III Reply

      March 21, 2012 at 4:17 pm

      Alex,
      I love you and I cherish your friendship. You have one amazing heart that others should strive to have. Thank you my dear friend.
      Always,
      Dwight

  13. Steven Reply

    March 20, 2012 at 8:42 pm

    Rape is a crime that often goes unpunished, for fear of retribution, and shame..it is especially hard on gay men, for the first words i’ve heard when it has happened to someone is…’they got what they deserved’…I applaud your for your courage in standing up and revealing this painful part of your life. You are an amazing man, and you bear strength that most people could only imagine they had. You will be in my thoughts and prayers for continued strength and courage that you may be able to tell others and tell the world, ‘You’re not alone..you will get through this. It may be the toughest thing you’ve done, but you will get through it’.

    • Dwight Munger, (Jr) III Reply

      March 21, 2012 at 4:22 pm

      Steven,
      “They got what they deserved”, I have heard that too, except it was “You got what you deserved”. But, those who say that are WRONG! I can not begin to express my appreciation for your word, thoughts, and prayers. Good people, like YOU, make the journey we call “life”, so much more beautiful! And, I thank you with every bit of my being for your kindness.
      Sincerely,
      Dwight

  14. Leslie Parsley Reply

    March 20, 2012 at 10:27 pm

    I’m crying so hard I can hardly write. My tears are from the profound sadness I feel for the mental and physical pain you endured on that horrible night and that you have been burdened with for all these years. They’re also from the courage I know it took for you to tell your heartbreaking story, to relive it and to share it with the world, and your courage to reach out to others who’ve endured the same horrendous abuse. You, sir, are indeed a very brave man.

    • Dwight Munger, (Jr) III Reply

      March 21, 2012 at 4:25 pm

      Leslie,
      It has been very tough, to say the contrary would be a lie. However, people like YOU, who take the time to share their kindness make the world a much brighter place. I am grateful for your comment, and I appreciate you for having taken the time to share your heart with me!
      Most graciously,
      Dwight

  15. anonymous for this one Reply

    March 20, 2012 at 10:44 pm

    I had lunch with my 24-year-old son today. I ached as tried to find the child I had for 13 years. He was brutally raped by an older peer in our home. Social withdrawal, drugs, and suicide attempts were part of his life before he finally told us what happened. The counseling he got before his disclosure nailed the problem down to “having older parents”,or, my favorite,” he was born in the wrong time (WTF)- he would have been better suited to the Wild West”. Yes, I paid for that wisdom. His suicidal thoughts continued and his most serious attempt resulted in a year of residential hospitalization, long-term out-patient therapy, individual and group counseling, and multiple medical cocktails. At 18 he announced he was done with interventions. The only girlfriends he was able to have long-term relationships with were both rape victims. I swear it was like we were living a version of “Benny & Joon”. Dwight, you are so brave to share your story.

    And if I may, I would like people to think twice when they joke about some man going to prison and running into Bubba. Rape is horrifying.

    • Dwight Munger, (Jr) III Reply

      March 21, 2012 at 5:14 pm

      Dear “anonymous for this one”,

      First, let me say that my heart aches too, it aches for you and for your son. I too know the despair you speak of, the despair both you and your son feel. Doctor’s/Counselors can be as damaging as the incident itself. The first surgeon (“Dr. K” of Boise)I went to did not know of my incident. He examined me, then he degraded and belittled me. He reprimanded me, and said, “you really need to stop sleeping with so many people, and you need to slow down on the anal sex”. He then went on to say, “if you don’t commit to doing this, then I’m not going fix anything on you because it is pointless.”

      I felt so horrible already, and I had no strength left. So, I just cried and said “ok”. He then proceeded to do some surgical procedures, and he seemed to punish me while he did it.

      Please, tell your son of my story. I had many moments where I thought of suicide too. Please tell your stay strong. I am so sorry that he has had to endure this type of terror too. And, tell him that I will hold a special place in my heart for him, and for you.

      Both of you can “friend” me on Facebook as well if you would like.

      Most humbly,
      Dwight

  16. Barbie Pratt Reply

    March 21, 2012 at 1:51 am

    I don’t know exactly how to word what I am feeling right now. I just read a life story of a wonderful, beautiful human being that was so brutely abused physicly and mentally. I cannot begin to fatham what you went through. This is a horrible nightmare, something that is seen on tv. This is not supposed to be reality, only fiction. How in the world have you ever made it through so much pain? I am so shocked, outraged that filthy creatures would do something like this and put themselves on a high scale standard… What??, they are nothing but vermon, satins slaves. They were the ones raping you and thinking it was fun. so what does that make them.. You went through the worst thing anyone could ever imagine and you are a survivor!! God will take care of them in the end. It is so hard to forgive someone like this. You are a remarkable person and you will do wonderful things in the future. Thank God for strength and compasion. Look at you now! You are the example that victoms need to come out of there horrible tragedies in life they have had. I am sure your story will help many. Thank you for being so tough and so very brave. My heart and prayers are with you. Take care young man and keep going forward :) You have all of my love!! God be with you each and every day.

  17. Dwight Munger, (Jr) III Reply

    March 21, 2012 at 4:11 pm

    Thank you so much to those of you who have shared my story. I can not yet find the right words to thank each of you enough. By sharing you have potentially saved another human being from suffering! This type of hatred, these horrific actions happen every day to men, women, children every single day! This is why KINDNESS is so important to me, to me kindness is the only thing that can omit hatred at its core. My story is graphic. But sometimes the truth is graphic. So, I ask that you to continue to SHARE IT. Share it one your pages, and share it on any sites where it may be pertinent or helpful to others. I ask you to do this with the hope that it will reach all the right people…those who have suffered similar situations, and those who have hate in their heart! I gain no money, no possessions, nothing tangible in sharing this, but I gain many other things, things that can not be touched with my hands! I love and respect each of you, and I thank you with all my heart! – Dwight

  18. d.brady Reply

    March 21, 2012 at 5:17 pm

    I am so sorry to hear what happened to you.I don’t think there are words that can say. The pain you went thru. Stay strong. I was betrayed by someone close its been 20 yrs. But with the love and support from my husband I find it easier to cope. My prayers are with you.

    • Dwight Munger, (Jr) III Reply

      March 21, 2012 at 8:09 pm

      Dear “D”,

      Thank you very much for kindness. I am sorry that you were “betrayed” too. It makes me happy to know that you have a good source of support. I appreciate your prayers and your words. Thank you for taking the time to read this, and thank you for taking the time to leave a comment for me.

      Sincerely,
      Dwight

  19. Jenifer Jeney-Edwards Reply

    March 21, 2012 at 6:24 pm

    I have no words to make things better. I will not even pretend that I do- because I’ve been there myself and I understand. Nothing I can say will take away what happened, but your strength shines through and I thank you for sharing this story with the world…

    • Dwight Munger, (Jr) III Reply

      March 21, 2012 at 8:12 pm

      Dear Jenifer,

      I am sorry that you too know the pain of this kind of incident. I am thankful for the love you shared in your comment. And, I can feel that your strength carries you through as well. You keep shining, and I will keep shining too, I promise.

      Always,
      Dwight

  20. Josh Sowell Reply

    March 21, 2012 at 9:13 pm

    I cannot believe that we still live in a society where this is acceptable. I am honestly at a loss for words… I can only begin to imagine what you went through and the courage it took to share your story. No one should ever have to go through this.

    • Dwight Munger, (Jr) III Reply

      March 23, 2012 at 3:28 pm

      Josh,
      Thank you so much! I’m not going to lie, it has been a tough week for me in sharing it. At the same time, it has been strangely liberating, and there have been so many kind words from people like yourself. That makes the days better for me. This society has a very long road to travel to get where it should already be! I appreciate you taking the time to speak with me.
      Sincerely,
      Dwight

  21. carina Reply

    March 22, 2012 at 3:49 am

    dear Dwight, I am so sorry for the ordeal you had to go through, it saddens my heart to think that some people think they have the right to violate someone else like that! It also saddens me that in this day and age that Gay people like yourself still cannot live their lives as God created them and are still suffering from other people’s prejudices! I am so gratefull for my Gay child that opened my eyes to the ‘gay culture’ and the way you are unnecessarily suffering because of people’s fears of the unknown. I wish for every person who has anything against gay people to have a gay child themselves, and work through that with love in their heart for their child to acceptance!
    Rape is also an act of violence, and not to be kept silent anymore! people like you who suffered at the hand of a rapist must not keep quiet anymore! I know that must be especially hard as there are also a lot of people who think that rape victims ‘deserve it!’ which is absolute rubbish of course!
    I do agree that what you sow you will reap, so whatever those people did to you will come back to them when they least expect it, so even if you did not report it, what you became after working through this terrible ordeal is much more than what they would ever be able to say for they will reap so much more! violence begets violence and I am sure that they will pay in ways they never thought possible!
    I do thank you for sharing this, even though it broke my heart reading it, May you become a beacon of light wherever you go, and may you help many more by being such a stunning example of being strong in spite of such an adversity!!

    • Dwight Munger, (Jr) III Reply

      March 23, 2012 at 3:42 pm

      Carina,
      You are a very kind person, and a great Mom, I can tell! Thank you very much for response. I couldn’t begin to tell you how much I appreciate it! It is sad that every single day gay people are still judged beyond belief, and many time they are judged in the name of God/Jesus. Like you, I wish every family had at least one person in their immediate family. If so, there would be much more love and much less hate. You and your child are more than welcome to “friend” me on Facebook (as is anybody who reads my story). Once again, I am grateful for your loving support.
      Always,
      Dwight

  22. george lang Reply

    March 22, 2012 at 10:19 am

    dear dwite i just want to say im sorry to read what you went through in the mile high city. ive been in denver most of my life.
    the jerk wads who rapped you and treated yo so horrible need to be locked away for life. most peop[le here in our gay comunoity are heard working honest folks who nevr hurt others. i would love you to visit denver again and let the mile high city show you what its really like hear.i hope whom ever treated you that way got life in prizon for it

    • Dwight Munger, (Jr) III Reply

      March 23, 2012 at 3:46 pm

      George,
      Thank you very much for your support. It means alot to me. Denver is a beautiful city and I would like to visit there one day as a part of “healing”. Soon (probably within a few weeks) I will submit a follow-up to my article, to explain more of the aftermath, etc. Please feel free and share my story with others. Thank you again for the kindness you have given to me.
      Sincerely,
      Dwight

  23. Skye Reply

    March 22, 2012 at 1:01 pm

    As I read your story, another one was at the forefront of my mind; a different man sharing his story of rape. After the incident he did go to the police and was told, “A gay man can’t be raped.” They refused to take a statement from him or use a rape kit to collect DNA evidence or investigate the crime at all. I’m not going to say these horrible tragedies happen for a reason, because I’m not sure they do, but I commend you for telling this to the world. I do believe it will help you heal and help others who have been in similar situations. There needs to be more awareness that these kinds of hate crimes do happen, that there is help and support for those who feel all alone, that victims aren’t to blame- they didn’t deserve it or “ask” for it, and there is light after the storm. I do believe in karma, that the universe always balances itself out. But that doesn’t mean that criminals will always find themselves behind bars. The scars don’t disappear but they do heal, and the best revenge against those who would see you broken is to rise up and refuse to be less than you are. May all victims become victorious. ~Peace & Love~

    • Dwight Munger, (Jr) III Reply

      March 23, 2012 at 3:52 pm

      Skye,
      I have recently become aware of the person you are speaking of. And, I had a similar situation, that combined with the shame and embarassment I felt, led me to not pursue the justice I deserved. I will be submitting a follow up, (within a few weeks) to explain more of the situation. I sincerely and whole-heartedly appreciate your support and encouragement. Thank you so much for taking a bit of your time to leave your comments for me, that in itself is a gift.
      Most Sincerely,
      Dwight

  24. Jason Reply

    March 23, 2012 at 4:46 am

    Dwight, I keep crying reading your story. Not just because of how bad I feel for you having gone through such a horrific ordeal, but because I know what you’ve been through. I was molested when I was 6 years old. The person who did it was 14 at the time, and he has become the deacon of a church in oklahoma city. I can’t ever do anything about what he did other than speak out. I am 34, still have nightmares and flashbacks and am diagnosed with PTSD. I only admitted it happened to me 6 years ago, and when I was younger it confused me a lot. I thought my being bisexual meant that somehow I liked what happened to me. I know better now. It isn’t easy living with what happened, but I live regardless. If you ever need a friend, I would love to be one. I am friends with Mike and Erin on fb.

    • Dwight Munger, (Jr) III Reply

      March 23, 2012 at 4:11 pm

      Jason,
      In all honesty, I have cried alot this week too. I have tears again right now actually. I admire you already! I am so sorry that you had to experience such horrible things in your life too. You and I both know that, “I’m sorry” does not take it away. But, there is no other words to say. I would be HONORED to be your friend! The nightmares, flashbacks, etc. are all to familiar to me. You are speaking a language that I know so well. Please continue to fight, we can fight against it toghether! I am so proud of you for setting yourself free of it 6 years ago, I appreciate your note more then I could ever express.
      YOUR FRIEND-
      Dwight

      https://www.facebook.com/#!/DwightMungerIII

  25. Harold Hughes Reply

    March 23, 2012 at 8:12 am

    What a horrible experience, one that lasted long beyond the original incident. You are my new hero- your courage and tenacity are inspiring and should energize all of us who are marginalized and abused. Love you- more courage and strength to you always!

    • Dwight Munger, (Jr) III Reply

      March 23, 2012 at 4:13 pm

      Harold,
      I love you too! Your words tell me that you are an honorable man, and I am very grateful for what you have said. Thank you, for taking the time to speak with me, and thank you for the love you have shared with me, that is a gift I will savor!
      Most humbly,
      Dwight

  26. Dwight Munger, (Jr) III Reply

    March 23, 2012 at 4:20 pm

    I continue to be amazed at how many wonderful loving people there are in the world. I am without the right words to express what I feel right now. THANK YOU is all that I can say at this moment.

    With “MadMikes” blessing, within a few weeks, I am going to submit a continuation of “my story”. There is much more left to reveal, an much bigger picture to paint on how a hate crime changes your life.

    Again, I ask each of you to continue to SHARE my story any where that you see fit. You never know who may need to read it, feel it, or experience it.

    For all of you kind people in the world, feel free and connect with me on Facebook.

    Personal page: https://www.facebook.com/#!/DwightMungerIII

    Hate Crime Survivors Page: http://www.facebook.com/hatecrime (please visit and “Like” it.)

    Gratefully yours,
    Dwight

  27. Bill Reply

    April 28, 2012 at 4:38 pm

    I lived and grew up in Emmett, Idaho also. I left when I was 18 because people started finding out that I am gay. I go back once a year, but I’m very careful where I go. It’s sad that I assume the worst of people when I don’t know them. My experience has been, from being brutally assaulted on three occasions, that you can assume that people will hate you if they find out. Once in awhile, you are wrong. My family has finally come to accept me, after not talking to me for 20 years. Today I live in Connecticut and am married (yes, legally married) to the love of my life, Kent. Somethings, things do turn out alright. But I could never live in Emmett again. I just wouldn’t feel safe.

    Hang in there!

    • Michael Reply

      August 20, 2012 at 8:20 pm

      Congratulations on your marriage. My partner of the past 11 years and I are going to DC next mouth to get married. I am glad that your traumatic experiences haven’t stopped you from advancing in life.

    • Dwight Munger, III Reply

      November 28, 2012 at 1:58 pm

      Bill, it is nice to know that there are a few of us who survived Emmett, Idaho. To know that you are married gives me hope of one day having a great relationship. Thank you so much for taking the time to reply to my article. Keep smiling and sharing love!

  28. Geoffrey O'Neil Reply

    May 23, 2012 at 2:22 pm

    Dwight,
    I am a member of a forum at Male Survivor and was deeply touched by your story and the courage to share it. I myself am also gay and also a suvivor of humiliating and debilitating sexual abuses. (I was much younger when it happened to me). I applaud your effort to create awareness and appreciate your story. Please visit us (the comunity at Male survivor) if you are able. Thank you again

    Geoffrey

    (bodyguard8367 –www.malesurvivor.org forums–)

    • Dwight Munger, III Reply

      November 28, 2012 at 2:12 pm

      Geoffrey thank you so much! I am sorry that you and the others know the horror of sexual abuse too. But, please know that I am ALWAYS on your side! I have not posted as much as I would like to on the page you spoke of, but in my own way I find comfort in knowing that it is there. Keep your head held my friend!
      Sincerely,
      Dwight

  29. Anonymous Reply

    May 28, 2012 at 10:32 am

    i was raped and it feels so good.

    • Jimmy Reply

      May 28, 2012 at 10:48 am

      You’re a scumbag. Why don’t you contribute to the discussion? Instead you make light of rape? Scumbag!

    • Erin Nanasi Reply

      May 28, 2012 at 12:12 pm

      It’s a shame that you, Anonymous, are so lacking in self esteem that you feel the need to come to an online magazine and demean yourself in this fashion. How horrible it must be, looking in the mirror each and every day, and realize you have nothing to offer the world. Nothing of substance, nothing of worth, nothing but your pitiful attempts at garnering attention. What a sad little creature you are.

      • Peggy Roche Reply

        May 28, 2012 at 1:55 pm

        Erin….I almost jumped thru the screen when I saw this….wouldn’t you know Anonymous would be the name! I have a few more names that come to mind!

    • Michael Reply

      August 20, 2012 at 8:14 pm

      It take a level of bravery to sit behind a computer screen and post something so heartless, childish, ignorant, and blatantly disrespectful. That level is zero. I am sure that your mother is very proud of her child for at least being able to use a period at the end of his/her sentence. She must have skipped the lesson in your home-schooled, back-woods education about tenses in a sentence.

      Considering that you left that comment strictly to get a rise out of people, you could have at least had the balls to use a name. Coward.

      “A coward is incapable of exhibiting love; it is the prerogative of the brave.” – Mahatma Gandhi

    • Dwight Munger, III Reply

      November 28, 2012 at 2:16 pm

      All I can say to you is that I truly pity you, for the type of person you are and the especialy for the type of person you are not.
      Dwight

  30. lori grundman Reply

    July 26, 2012 at 12:52 am

    Dwight. You are sharing your story as part of our “What’s your story?” Feature. I want to thank you for having the courage to participate. Most of our members are too uncomfortable to share their story. And you know full well how cathartic it can be. Perhaps by seeing your courage they will find it in themselves. Now from a personal note: You are the victor!! The survivor! Those bastards may have caused you pain that night but THEY DID NOT WIN. What kind of man needs 3 of his friends, drugs and ropes just to have sex. These are not men. YOU ARE THE ONLY MAN IN THE BUNCH. NEVER FORGET THAT. GOOD LUCK IN EVERYTHING YOU CHOOSE TO DO IN FUTURE.~Lori

  31. Jessica Reply

    August 20, 2012 at 6:05 pm

    I’m so, so sorry that this happened to you. Beyond that I don’t know what to say. (Hugs)

  32. Michael Reply

    August 20, 2012 at 7:39 pm

    I am in shocked silence by your tale Dwight. As I sit here trying desperately to put into words the thoughts and emotions running through my head, I feel overwhelmed. The hopes of that young man who set out to start a life, his life, your life, were destroyed in an agonizing instant. My heart aches with everything that they have taken. Yet, I can rejoice that you have come out of this with a conviction and strength that many of us don’t have on the best of days.

    “My goals, spirit, dreams, happiness, and life were attached to those blood cells that swirled around the drain.” This line alone continues to bring renewed tears to my eyes, because of the truth that anyone who has been taken advantage of could sense. You are not alone and your strength and courage in standing up and speaking about this will give hope to anyone dealing with similar troubles. Please continue to shine so that others my find their way out of the darkness.

    I would like to use that quote if I may.

    • Peggy Roche Reply

      August 20, 2012 at 8:46 pm

      Michael…obviously I completely agree with you and I am also glad you responded to the asshat who posted that outrageous comment several months back. It never ceases to amaze me when folks wriggle their way onto boards where they no they won’t be welcomed simply to spew some hate!:)

      • Michael Reply

        August 20, 2012 at 11:17 pm

        Exactly Peggy. I have no problem calling people out on their ignorance. What Dwight has done is brave and he should be treated with respect for it. To belittle that with a childish comment from someone who obviously has never been put in a position to even understand what he/she said is unacceptable.

  33. Artie O Reply

    October 2, 2012 at 9:16 am

    Dear Dwight,
    I just came across your story this morning (Oct 2nd 20012). My heart goes out to you, sending love… What you had endoured, well I am at a loss for words.
    Please remember that you are in my thoughts and prayers.
    Sincerely,
    Artie

  34. Anonymous Reply

    October 5, 2012 at 9:27 pm

    I’m so sorry dude! I thought I was the only guy who went through a similar ordeal. Between the age of 13 and 16 my stepfather would force himself on me. I ran away from home when I was 16 and haven’t been back since I now work in a diner and rent a small room in an apartment. I’ve never told anyone because I’m just to scared I guess. I haven’t spoken to my mom or any of my friends back at home for two years now. I don’t know what she thinks happened to me by all I know is that I’m not going back until that monster is dead. I miss my mom and I love her very much but I’m just not ready to face up to things.

  35. greg Reply

    October 8, 2012 at 12:52 am

    I do promise you the true gay community is very welcoming and we do take care of our own xoxo I do wish you alot of love and luck in the road to greatness

  36. Anonymous Reply

    October 9, 2012 at 12:34 pm

    dwight i feel soory for ya dude.

  37. Wayne Solomons Reply

    October 31, 2012 at 10:47 am

    Hlo Dwight i read y0ur st0ry and it has given me c0urage to g0 on and tell my st0ry to0 ,im pr0ud of y0u man , its h0rrific what y0u went thru ,same f0r me, im so unreluctant ,i d0nt have supp0rt, i filed a case but n0thing has c0me fr0m it, i n0w live every day with PTSD ,and am so afraid of leaving the h0use, but i hope things wil change f0r me as it has f0r y0u, and it thank y0u f0r all the pe0ple who c0mmented on y0ur st0ry, God bless them and let them care even m0re, thank y0u ,and all my l0ve to y0u Dwight ,im a 28 year old Coloured gay guy and i was gang raped by five men, last year 2011 ,its been just over year ago, and im im so sick of living y0u kn0w ,i hate my life after everything that has happened, i d0nt kn0w how to get back to who i used to be ,

  38. Wayne Solomons Reply

    October 31, 2012 at 10:55 am

    I posted earlier on your story, im wayne,coloured,28 year old gay guy, i was gang raped by five men

  39. TheModerateCentrist Reply

    November 5, 2012 at 2:46 am

    I am at a loos of words. I am sorry you had to endure this. You have my sympathies.
    -TheModerateCentrist

  40. Red Reply

    November 20, 2012 at 11:59 pm

    Dwight, I stumbled upon this by accident, and I was very moved when I read your story. One thing that impressed me is how strong you are. You might not be able to see it, but I can. Anyone who can overcome all of that and pick up the pieces is.

  41. Jasper Reply

    December 8, 2012 at 3:20 am

    I was shocked on how brutal and selfless on the crime that you endured, you are such a strong person, because you had the ability to survive and recover, not just physically but also mentally. You had the ability to stand up for your self all those years of your life, I have also endured teasing, namecalling, and being labeled “Gay “. You are such a great role model not only to the Male but also tha Female society.I have used your story to stand up for myself, I cried once I read your story, you have endured a situation I never imagined could happen in a person’s life. You are one of the strongest people in the world, because you endured the pain and suffering of that ordeal. Thank You For Sharing Your Story, I Have Become Attched To It So Much, You Are Now One Of My Role Models.
    Sincerely, Jasper.
    P.S. Merry Christmas In Advance! :-D

  42. Mark Reply

    January 31, 2013 at 4:11 am

    Dwight my heart hurts so much for you, remember you are not the only good person in this world – we are not alone. My name is Mark, I’m Caucasian 6’4″ and I just turned 25 a few months ago. I cannot express to you fully in words what your story means to me right now. I don’t know how to feel, what to feel, who I am. I don’t feel attached to my body, each day is like a dream, and I have lost all concept of time – don’t even know if it’s still January.

    I have been living in Denver for the last 4 years, which is why your story really hits home for me. Like you I grew up on a farm in Iowa, an intolerant and scary place to be gay. I understand wanting to accept yourself despite how much you wish you could be like everyone else. I understand wanting the anonymity of a large city. When not even your family accepts you, you internalize that emotion and expect the world not to accept you either. You’re afraid to even hold hands in public with the person you love, I get it!

    I don’t go to gay bars, hardly ever. I have been out to a gay bar exactly three times in the last 5 years. Those places make me hurt for my community. It is so sad to see so many people without heart, people using each other, and so many people choosing to be a stereotype instead of themselves…and just acting like animals. I felt like dancing that night to escape some negative thoughts, couldn’t get anyone to go with me, and thought I would feel safer going to a gay bar if I were going alone. I drank responsibly, one per hour! About 30 minutes prior to closing time I ran into an older male co-worker of mine. I was so happy to see a familiar face that I allowed him to purchase me a drink, without me seeing it poured. After that my memory is spotty. He took me somewhere else. I would describe the way I remember it similar to a very slow strobe light, I remember images. I don’t remember my body or feeling anything. My situation was also torturous, it was pure horror. I was bound, stripped, forced, whipped, beat with a paddle. I was raped by at least 3 men and 1 woman, one of those men is my co-worker. My body hurt so much the next day. Going to the hospital or police was the absolute last thing on my mind. Unfortunately, I don’t bruise easily and have little evidence. It really sucks that it’s his word against mine. While I feel some hemorrhoids and minor tearing, it’s nothing like what you experienced. I also showered immediately and changed my clothes. Then proceeded to let myself go as to be as physically unattractive as possible. I am afraid to go back to work, I am afraid I will be treated like a liar by police if/when I request a restraining order. I am afraid of so many things right now. I worry I will waste money on a lawyer for this to not go anywhere. I can’t be alone for one second, I can’t stand it. I’m now growing a beard, having trouble motivating myself to do anything. I want to stink, I want my clothes to be dirty, and I want to hide my face behind this beard. I don’t want anyone to think that I’m good looking, not even a little bit. I’m struggling with physical contact with other people, also.

    I was so lost I turned to the only person I could think of, my ex boyfriend. I was so desperate for help I drove to his house and waited outside. I took 325,000mg of aspirin and slit my left wrist. I was so sure the world was so full of such evil, dark souls that this was no longer a world I wanted to be a part of. I was rushed to the ER, spent one day in ICU, and a few days in recovery.

    The hospital refused to test for STD’s or for date-rape drugs because of the circumstance. Because I attempted suicide I was watched by a guard 24/7. No permanent damage except ringing in my ears. It completely broke my spirit Dwight, I wish I didn’t understand that feeling! I have been seeking help, took two weeks off of work. Taking meds. Met with several counselors so far, found a great one. I understand how difficult it is to even THINK about reporting what happened to you, when you are a man. This system is designed to work for women only, unfortunately. I am very frightened at this time in my life, having this been so recent. I don’t know what’s next. Please keep in touch with me, I really wouldn’t mind talking with you. I want to be okay and I want to be a survivor, but I know that I am neither of those things right now. Thank you for sharing your story, it’s nice/messed up to know that you understand what I went through, what I’m going through now, and how to cope in the future. I look forward to hearing from you.

    • Dwight Munger, III Reply

      June 8, 2013 at 2:34 pm

      Mark,
      I am in tears!!! I am so sorry that I did not see this sooner! This website is suppose to alert me of activity, however to my knowledge I did not receive notification of your post. If you have NOT already done so search my name on Facebook and friend me ASAP! YOU WILL BE A SURVIVOR SOON! All my love, Dwight

  43. Ananymous Reply

    February 3, 2013 at 11:38 am

    Faggot

    • Jason Reply

      February 7, 2013 at 1:15 am

      Care to grow a pair? Or do you not have the guts to say who you are? You have the balls to call someone a “faggot” but not the balls to stand by your own words? Worst part, you are probably some little dumbass kid, someone who hasn’t dealt with his or her own sexual hangups and identity issues, so to help yourself feel better, you run down others. Deal with yourself, you will feel much better. If you are a hardcore biggot, then be a man or woman of enough conviction that you be who you are instead of a coward who can’t be open about his or her homophobia.

    • Dwight Munger, III Reply

      June 19, 2013 at 1:20 am

      Mr. “Ananymous”
      Remember that “Karma”, “The Universe”, or “God” spares nobody! I feel sorry for you, you are apparently and angry, bitter, and generally or sexually insecure person. That makes me sad. Being called a “faggot” does not phase me much anymore. If you read about the hate crime, being called a “faggot” sort of pales in comparison. That being said, I wish you nothing but great things in life and in your future.
      Respectfully,
      Dwight Munger, III

  44. Livvie Reply

    February 6, 2013 at 3:52 am

    Dwight there aren’t any words or more specifically not enough words. I wish I were as brave as you are. I may not be gay or a man but I do know the terrifying trauma of rape. It’s been 24 years since it happened…how does a 7 year old admit to it after being told it’s their fault? Like your attackers the person who raped me was never legally held accountable but karma took care of him. You are a survivor. I hope everything works out for you. Things will get better.

  45. Lp Reply

    March 27, 2013 at 6:59 am

    Im sorry this happen to you I am proud of you for moving on when I was littleler a freind told me if I didnt suck him he wont be my freind I didnt have any friends than so I did now I feel scared and confused of me I hate being a girl I wish I was a boy thats one reson im confused is this me or his fault i fill dirty and I fill like im living a lie being a girl

  46. Mike Reply

    April 27, 2013 at 5:59 am

    Isn’t it strange that the most homophobic members of society are bisexual or gay men in the closet like your attackers? Meth makes everything even worse. I’m sad for you as a straight man, who never would sexually assault another person. The onus is on them & their odious, criminal, amoral actions.

    • Gus Reply

      May 13, 2013 at 11:56 pm

      Mike, I totally agree with you. Most of these homophobic are bi or closet gay. A real straight man doesn’t do such things. It is simply because they insecure with their own sexuality and being self-hatred. I got this situation several times when I was young but now these days I’m kicking butt anyone dare to intrude me and my body.

  47. Ally Reply

    May 31, 2013 at 8:00 pm

    You are such an inspiration to me. I was raped by two different people when I was 13 and it’s been about 5 years now. My two best friends are the only ones who know what happened, I barely had the courage to tell them. And.now I’m so terrified of sex, it feels bad, and gross and wrong. whenever someone shows a sexual intrest in me, I shut them out and can’t look at them the same way. And I really hope this isn’t too personal to ask, but does sex ever become enjoyable oagain? Or at least not so scary? Again, I’m sorry if that’s too personal.

  48. Dwight Munger, III Reply

    June 8, 2013 at 2:24 pm

    I just want to say THANK YOU SO MUCH to each of you who took the time to read my article. THANK YOU! And, many thanks to those of you who took the time to comment and share your thoughts. I will be posting another article soon to tell more of my “story”. Many of you have become friends on Facebook, and I could NOT make it without you! Your words of encouragement and kindness help to keep me walking forward. Also, many, many people have emailed. I am still answering emails, but, I have around 90 of them still to reply to. Thank you in advance for your continued patience.

    Once again, I am dealing with some serious medical issues. I go to the hospital 7 days a week, I’m unemployed (again!), and I am doing my best to hold my head up. I’m running at a snails-pace these days. But, a couple more months and I should be much better! :)

    I am forever GRATEFUL to each and every one of you! All of my love goes out to every one of you!

    Most thankfully yours,
    Dwight

  49. Nikki Holiday Reply

    June 14, 2013 at 7:34 pm

    There is no words, absolutely none good enough to describe my sorrow at what happened to you. Thank you for sharing your story, because it may be a long time in the coming, but eventually all this has to stop. I just can’t imagine how people can do this kind of thing… I am probably not even half the age of anyone else who commented (aside from those jerks who can’t seem to openly insult someone without hiding behind the internet), I am not male, and I am not, as far as I have discovered yet, bi or lesbian, but the general disregard for humanity shown to you is… well, it makes me ashamed to be a human being. Oh gosh, I think I’m crying. Sorry is such a feeble word, and not enough to convey how I feel, but I am so, so sorry for what happened. You are eternally a role model, and you have earned my deepest respect. Never give up. Its people like you who change the world.

  50. lamya Reply

    June 18, 2013 at 10:09 pm

    Reading about the Brutal crime that happened to You brought tears to my eyes….at the part When u felt alone in Your shower made me even upset I wanted to hug you an tell u I was there for you!!! Your Very blessed Your also strong you weren’t Going to let them cowards end Your life….I’m keeping you in prayers Keep Your head up Your doing Very well!!!

  51. johan Reply

    July 2, 2013 at 12:26 pm

    None of this has to do with loving sexual activity. It is pure violence in which sexual organs are misused and caveties ravished. Incredible courageous to tell this story. I truly pray and hope you will find somebody loving you and giving you the experience sex is supposed to give somebody: love and tenderness. May the Lord strengthen you as you work through what happened to you. I hope too, that those who did this to you, will spend a very long time in jail. Yours, Johan.

  52. Sam Reply

    August 9, 2013 at 2:48 am

    Your story was really painfull..It’s in good spirits that u stepped again and trying to lead a normal life….I pray to god ur perpetrators go behind the bars for horrific crime they have commited…having said that..now onwards u r my hero ,an inspiration and an ideal and u give great lesson to everybody that any trauma could never ever lessen the spirit of living a life to fullest…And lastly i wish u all the best for ur life n this chapter gets erased as a bad memory ..Almighty help u to lead life happily n normally…Gud luck …Thank u

  53. AJ Reply

    August 11, 2013 at 6:58 pm

    I feel for you Dwight, in fact I am in a similar position as you were in now. I knew I was gay from a very young age but being a Indian didn’t help the matter much. I wanted to tell the world who I really was but I was too afraid.I moved back to India to be myself, but that didn’t help at all. I was befriended by a group of gay people, who eventually gang raped me. I was in the hospital for two months. It was a trying time for me, I couldn’t tell whether it was fate’s way of telling me that me being gay was wrong or whether I just made bad friends. A year had passed since then but things weren’t getting better for me, just when I was on the right track again I was diagnosed with HIV, so I had to quit medical school. So I moved back to the states. Sad part is I couldn’t tell anyone about this till now. My parents think I just wasn’t cut out to be a doctor so I had quit as that was the reason I gave them. Rest of the family shunned me for quitting. I am not treating my HIV as I cant go to my family about this. I haven’t met a single guy since then and the fact I have HIV doesn’t help matter much. But on the bright side I am at the comfort of my home and getting a education and trying to keep up my health. Though I thought of ending my life many times, something keeps me astray from that mistake. I am really sorry you had to go through that trauma. I am glad you shared this story, reading it was painful but it helped me open up about mine for the first time. Hope all is well in your life now. Take Care.

  54. Tony Reply

    August 20, 2013 at 5:09 pm

    Hello. I hope you are well. Just like to say you are an absolute inspiration to many, many people, whom you will never meet but have done a great service to, for your honesty, courage and integrity in sharing your experience. Your inspirational story of the courage you have shown is an example to all who have read it or perhaps experienced similar. Most people wont leave a comment, but will have been touched by your bravery nonetheless. You are clearly quite terrific and I hope you take comfort from this post. I wish you every success.

  55. Anonymous Reply

    August 21, 2013 at 6:18 pm

    I’m just an old white heterosexual guy. You know, the type who might leave a caustic hateful anonymous comment. Well, here it is. I was moved to tears by your, and others’) stories. There is no room in this world for the hate and fear that the GLBT (whatever it is) community is routinely subject to. Hate crimes of the type you are surviving make me weep. I wish I could somehow help.

  56. Anonymous Reply

    August 21, 2013 at 6:20 pm

    I know to some extent of how you feel. I was gang raped at 11 yrs old and raped multiple times throughout my young adult life. Always being told it would take the gay right out of me. I have yet to overcome the dreadful nightmares and trama that was done. Your story and friendship has taught me a lot and given me strength. Luv u ..ur old coworker

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