Pastor Rick Santorum’s Summer Road Trip Guide

Rick Santorum visited Rush Limbaugh’s town of birth, Cape Girardeau, Missouri, and said this:

“This is my first trip to Cape Girardeau. Jo Ann’s been bragging on you a long time. It’s good to be in the hometown of Rush Limbaugh, which some people see as a trip to Mecca.”

Mecca. The birth of the Prophet Mohammed and the holiest site in all of Islam.

In keeping with Pastor Rick’s comparing a town whose sole claim to fame in that one of the largest ass hats on Earth was born there to a holy site, I present Pastor Rick’s Summer Road Trip Guide. Ahem.

1) Visiting Branson, Missouri is always fun for the whole family. Branson is like Reno, Nevada meets Nashville, but more wholesome and less talented. Or, as some people see it, a trip to the Wailing Wall.

2) Everglades National Park. Want to ride on an air boat in 95 degree heat while eating mosquitoes and watching for gators? Everglades National Park is the place for you. Or, as some people see it, a trip to The Garden of Gethsemane.

3) Visiting Mount Rushmore for the first time is awe inspiring. Four of our greatest presidents, their faces carved in stone for all time. Or, as some people see it, a trip to Mount Sinai.

4) For a more relaxed and tranquil experience, the Portland Japanese Garden may be just what you need. 5.5 acres to stroll among gorgeous botanicals and picturesque landscapes. Or, as some people see it, a trip to the Garden Tomb.

5) San Francisco boasts some of the best seafood in the world, fantastic views, Ghiradelli chocolate and Lombard Street. Lombard Street is world famous and millions of people walk its winding path every year. Or, as some people see it, a trip to Via Dolorosa.

6) Viewing magnificent ocean creatures up close is one of the most magical experiences in the world. Whale watching on either coast is great fun for the whole family, and there is something really awe inspiring about viewing magnificent animals like whales, dolphins, porpoises and seals less than ten feet away from you. Or, as some people see it, a trip to the Sea of Galilee.

Now, to be fair, Pastor Rick wanted to include two destinations designed specifically for fundamental Christians and their Quiverfull families, The Creation Museum and The Holy Land Experience. Here is some general information about both.

The Creation Museum is located in Petersburg, Kentucky. Inside, visitors will find numerous exhibits and dioramas detailing people and dinosaurs living together, non-scientific evidence proving the Earth is right around 10,000 years old and proving the Book of Genesis. Or, as I CALL IT, a trip to Las Vegas, because both locations are built on fantasy.

The Holy Land Experience in Orlando, Florida is a Jesus/Christian based amusement park, with Smile of A Child Adventure Land, a re-creation of the Garden of Eden and a guy wandering around dressed like Jesus. There’s even a musical! Or, as I CALL IT, a trip to South Orange Blossom Trail 20 years ago, because the hookers on OBT would save you for a price, too.

If you’re a fundie, and reading this list has you pounding your Bible and reaching for a gun, guess what, Chuckles? You now know how Muslims feel every flipping time one of YOU makes fun of their religion or belittles their holy sites or mocks their holy book. So, to Pastor Rick and all his minions, I hope you have a lovely time at The Creation Museum and The Holy Land Experience. We’re going to Dinosaur National Park in Utah, because the possibility of finding a 10,000,000 year old fossil is a lot more interesting than hearing a fundamentalist Christian lie about evolution or “Jesus! The Musical!”

Do you any suggestions for Pastor Rick’s Summer Road Trip Guide? Let us know!

Thanks to Daily Kos, Popular Mechanics, Sacred Destinations, The Creation Museum and The Holy Land Experience websites for information contained in this article.

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