A “zombie apocalypse” may actually be behind the recent face-chewing incident in Florida. Rudy Eugene aka the Miami Cannibal, may have had a voodoo spell cast on him. His girlfriend said the flesh-eating attack was either due to drugs, or a curse from the devil. Tea anyone?
According to the Tea Party a zombie apocalypse is the breakdown of society as a result of zombie infestation. In a zombie apocalypse, a widespread rise of zombies hostile to republicans, particularly Tea Party Republicans, engages in a general assault on political candidates and their supporters. Victims of zombies may become zombies themselves. This causes the outbreak to become an exponentially growing crisis: the spreading “zombie plague/virus” swamps normal military and law enforcement organizations, leading to the panicked collapse of civilian society until only isolated pockets of survivors remain, scavenging for food and supplies in a world reduced to a pre-industrial hostile wilderness. The worst thing to happen as a result of a zombie apocalypse, aside from a zombie Ann Coulter and Rush Limbaugh, would be the election of Mitt Romney, despite the best efforts of the loyal zombies.
(CNN) The term “zombie apocalypse” has been lighting up the internet all week and has been among the top Google trends Friday morning.
On the Web’s Urban Dictionary, here’s definition No. 4 of zombie apocalypse: “The End of the World, when people who have died rise again in rotten corpses searching for blood and brains to strengthen them.”
While we’re certain the dead are not rising, the past week has seen some of the most disturbing instances of human behavior imaginable.
A man in Miami happens upon a homeless man on the sidewalk and chews off 75% of his face in an 18-minute attack. The attacker’s mother later says her son is not a zombie as portrayed in the media.
Authorities in Canada have launched a massive manhunt for a suspect after a severed hand was sent to Canada’s Liberal Party, a foot to the Conservatives and a torso was stuffed in a suitcase and tossed in the trash of the Montreal apartment building where he lived.
A Maryland man admits to killing his housemate, cutting him up, then eating his heart and part of his brain.
A New Jersey man rips his torso open and throws bits of his intestines at police, according to the Bergen Record.
There have been other equally grisly crimes, but there’s no need to dwell on them.
Tea Party leader, Tom Tetley, claims that the only way Obama can win the election is to recruit zombies to destroy those who would vote Romney and then themselves vote for Obama. Tetley further claimed that only those born in Kenya have the power to conjure zombies.
Many thanks to CNN for their contributions to this story.