How to lose weight quickly – Don’t eat

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A revolutionary new diet is being promoted by two retired idiots, who claim they have lost over 200 lbs each by practicing their “no food” regime.

J. Arthur Rank and Norman (Noddy) Holder say it could work for millions of Americans who find themselves among the growing, and growing population of overweight people.

Their jointly authored book, “Lose A Pound A Day – That’s 365 lbs A Year Folks” is currently on no best seller list anywhere in the world.

The medical profession was horrified that any publisher would associate itself with such an idiotic idea. The AMA issued a statement which ripped Rank and Holder new assholes, saying they should be institutionalized immediately.

Fast food giant McDonalds countered the claims of the two nincompoops with a new book of their own “Lose Weight For $5 A Day – That’s $1,825 A Year Folks”. McDonalds are trying track down the terrible twosome and force-feed them Big Macs and French Fries. Their PR Department said: “We can’t have people going around not eating, its bad for business.”

Rank and Holder were asked about their social lives and did they miss going out to restaurants. “We still go out to restaurants” said Holder, “We just don’t eat, have a glass of water and leave.”

j-arthur-rank-noddy-holder
J. Arthur Rank and Norman (Noddy) Holder practicing what they preach, sitting in a restaurant and not eating.

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About Post Author

Hunter Steele

Colonel Steele is a retired military officer with a deep and abiding interest in history and politics. His views are often considered controversial but his thoughts and observations have been echoed in various publications.
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Minnesota Fats
11 years ago

That’s most stupid thing I ever read. I like it.

Bill Formby
11 years ago

Put them back in their straight jackets quickly before they breed.

Anonymous
Reply to  Bill Formby
11 years ago

They are way too old to breed. But you are right about the straight jackets.

Jess
11 years ago

Oh you bastids, this was a joke and I fell for it hook, line and sinker. I’m off to find what little sense I had this morning and see if I cannot knock it back into my head.

holte ender
Reply to  Jess
11 years ago

Hi Jess – Don’t you recognize those old geezers? Anyway, you have been away too long reading serious stuff. By the way, Johnny Depp.

Jess
Reply to  holte ender
11 years ago

I was actually going to ask you where you have been. I have missed you and your funny for forever it seems. Ah yes, now that Johnny is single again, I can stalk him in the hopes of tying him up in my basement Misery style and having my way with him… oops I mean making him know how meaningful a life with me would be 🙂 No I don’t recognize them at all and that is what makes me madder at myself for falling for this. You bastids 😉 I’ve been off doing political stuff like getting voters registered, doing some sub teaching here and there nothing major.

holte ender
Reply to  Jess
11 years ago

You sound like the old Jess, which is good. Getting voters registered is noble thing, just like your teaching. Keep up the good work.

Anonymous26
11 years ago

I don’t think they are that ugly, I would like to meet them before they waste away to nothing. But, as you can tell, I have no taste whatsoever.

Jeannie B.
11 years ago

I actually tried a similar diet one time. When I came out of hospital my husband left me, so it kinda worked well for me.

Jess
Reply to  Jeannie B.
11 years ago

Mrs Gingrich??? 🙂

holte ender
Reply to  Jess
11 years ago

Now you get it.

Sweetie Pie
Reply to  Jeannie B.
11 years ago

I had an experience like yours Jeannie B. didn’t work as well for me, my husband stayed.

Anonymous
11 years ago

That Noddy Holder guy looks like a cop who gave me ticket for doing 90 in a 35. Bastard.

Jackson Miss.
11 years ago

I realize this is a joke, but there are people out there who will take it seriously and say “it must be true, I read it on MadMikesAmerica.”

Admin
11 years ago

ROFLMAO!! That Noddy is a handsome old devil ain’t he?

Erin Nanasi
Reply to  Professor Mike
11 years ago

He does look like a bit of a rascal. I’m going to try this diet, but I’m going to change just one tiny thing. I’m going to eat nothing but Ben and Jerry’s Coffee Heath Bar Crunch ice cream, and immediately do 100 sit ups. Then puke.

Jess
Reply to  Erin Nanasi
11 years ago

Total waste of good ice cream if you puke it up, but you know that already 😉

Holte Ender
Reply to  Erin Nanasi
11 years ago

. . . do 100 sit ups. Then puke. After a couple of gallons of ice cream wouldn’t need the sit ups to puke.

Jess
Reply to  Holte Ender
11 years ago

Oh hell no, even as OCD with my workouts as I am. That would be worse than meth mouth after a while with the stomach acid and there are way too many peeps with eating disorders anyway. I like my teeth in my mouth thank you very much 😉

Holte Ender
11 years ago

J. Arthur Rank and Noddy Holder are surely two of the ugliest guys I have ever seen. I reckon they should start eating again and don’t stop until the ugly (and the stupid) goes away.

Reply to  Holte Ender
11 years ago

I agree with you, but I would say damn ugly. I am a few pounds overweight and looking at those two guys, I reckon I’ll stay that way.

11 years ago

If this isn’t a joke, it’s one of the STUPIDEST and most dangerous ideas I’ve ever heard of.

Jess
11 years ago

Anyone called Noddy needs to just go away. Best way to lose weight is eat less, move more. Keersyt on a cracker, if I myself followed this diet I would last all of a hundred days, then I’d be dead as a doornail. No one this stupid can be allowed to live, that is all.

11 years ago

Peeple keap geting, “mor stoopider an mor stoopider” awl teh tim !

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