Where Crickets Go to Die

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We have a three car garage attached to the house we are renting. The house is on a little over an acre of land, and we, over the past year, have discovered a plethora of wild creatures inhabiting the land around this house. Foxes, field mice, prairie dogs, chipmunks, at least 10 species of bird, 2 barn cats and a lot of insects.

We have wasps the size of your thumb, deer flies that can carry off a small child, ants galore and crickets. The crickets, however, seem to be dwindling in numbers.

A little over a month ago, during the nth heat wave this summer, I walked out into the garage and found a lone cricket, resting in the shade. I consider crickets lucky, so I stepped carefully over him, and drove to the store. When I came back to the house, I made sure not to run over the cricket, and made sure he/she was still okay. The cricket scuttled away from me, and I grinned. Happy cricket.

The next morning, the cricket was dead. Nothing was missing, it had not been dismembered by who knows what, it was in the same position, dead. I pondered this for a moment, then, because we do have so many birds flitting about, I put the cricket corpse out on the grass. Sort of an offering in exchange for them not pooping on my head.

A week went by, and bam, another cricket. Alive and well, just resting in the garage. And again, the next morning, the cricket was dead. Um. Two crickets had chosen our garage to spend their last moments on this mortal coil. Interesting, and a little creepy. Out went the corpse into the lawn.

As of today, we have had 22 crickets hop into our garage and promptly drop dead. There is nothing toxic in the garage, our cement floor is not laced with cyanide, we just seem to be the gathering place for dying crickets. Sunday, I tried to rescue one: I picked it up gently in an attempt to place it back onto the grass. It jumped, oh about 125 feet into the air, I screamed (I’m a GIRL), and it landed happily back on the concrete, glaring at me.

“Come on! Here, look,” as I pointed towards the cool grass, “That’s where you want to be! Not in this icky old garage. Out there, with the ants and other crawly things you can eat.”

Glare.

“Fine. You’ll go when you’re ready.”

And dead cricket.

Look, I am no conspiracy theorist, but there is something weird going on here. Wasps don’t zip into the garage and collapse on the floor. We have spiders alive and well in all the corners, making little baby spiders. We have moths, butterflies (little purple ones-SO cute), some sort of tiny white fuzzy thing that looks like the head of a pipe cleaner, and they all LIVE. What the hell, crickets?

Is it an omen? Crickets are good luck in many Asian countries, and while we are not Asian, we subscribe to the theory that crickets are pretty cool bugs, and we would never kill one. Our garage seems to disagree. Is this a garage out of a Stephen King novel? If so, why are all the other bugs thriving? Why did we practically need napalm to get rid of our field mice infestation? Why are the moths perfectly fine? Why is our garage killing crickets?

My husband says it’s HAARP. Right. Here’s his wildly silly theory: radio waves caused by HAARP are affecting the crickets on the property, because their ears on in their legs, thus making them more susceptible to the OH FOR SHIT’S SAKE.

Do crickets have ears on their legs? I should Google that. Give me a few minutes-I’m turning 500 match boxes into cricket coffins. Anyone have a ton of purple silk bunting and a lot of really tiny pillows?

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About Post Author

Erin Nanasi

Erin Nanasi is an avid underwater basket weaver, with a penchant for satire and the odd wombat reference.
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Jess
11 years ago

Hey you’ve got your own elephant graveyard but, without really big animals dying. You should be happy they have chosen you as the last refuge before dying or something. Oh and I have tiny little beds, bout 100 of them, I got for a miniature tree I was decorating. Maybe you could start your own cricket bed and breakfast with them. They come with a teeny pillow on them, so you would not have to get the sewing machine out for pillow making. I’m not a fan of the jumpy things, nor crawly things or spidery things. That is why I have a husband, he does things around the house concerning the insects so I don’t have to 😉

11 years ago

I’m afraid to go out there now. Last night, we found number 23.

Admin
11 years ago

I am a fan of crickets. I enjoy the sounds they make and like watching them jump around. Curious huh? Their peculiar chirping sounds bring back childhood memories….

Gary William Green
11 years ago

Crickets ears are on their rear legs, turtles smell with their butt, butterflies taste with their feet, cat gut on a violin bow is actually horse hair and camel hair brushes are made from squirrels fur…or so I have been told. Good article.

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