Twilight Movies: The Beginning of the End of Our Long Nightmare

Twilight cast. Pic from

I didn’t watch any of the Twilight movies, primarily because I’m not a teenager, but also because I’m not wild about love stories which means I’m not a lovestruck teenager who happens to be a vampire. I also read the reviews.

In point of fact I am a fan of vampire movies, and loved the one about Abraham Lincoln being a vampire hunter!  Remember the old “Hammer Films,” and their cool vampires?  Christopher Lee was the best. Also, how about 1992’s Bram Stoker’s Dracula, directed by Francis Ford Coppola and starring Gay Oldman as a seriously cool but rather sad Dracula?  I must have watched that 20 times.

That being said the treacly teenage mess that’s been the hallmark of the Twilight movie series now has a stake through its heart, as the last of these nonsensical films, Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 2, opens today.  I hope they remember to cut off its head so it can’t rise again.

(Newser) Today’s premiere of Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 2 brings with it one piece of good news for critics who have had to review the whole thing: That’s it for the Twilight saga … unless, of course, Stephenie Meyer writes more books. Some of the best lines floating around the Web today:

  • “This is it people, the long awaited day that Stephanie Meyer’s asinine chronicle of lame vampires, talking CGI werewolves, and the single worst female protagonist in all of fiction comes to a close,” writes Nick Spake in the East Valley Tribune.
  • “The Twilight franchise has overstayed its welcome,” declares Dana Stevens in Slate. “The film’s endlessly drawn-out ending, with its multiple spoken and written iterations of the book’s last word, ‘forever’ … may be the scariest moment in the whole pulpy yet vital Twilight series.”
  • “The symptoms of our long national nightmare should begin to fade as you’re heading out of the theater, dissipating by the time you clear the concession stand,” writes Michael O’Sullivan in the Washington Post.
  • Breaking Dawn, Part 2 doesn’t end the series on an especially strong note, but it ends it. Let’s count our blessings,” suggests Colin Covert in the Star Tribune.
  • Writing for Rolling Stone, Peter Travers is ecstatic. “It’s Dead! It’s Dead! By which I mean, It’s Finished! It’s Finished! Five movies have been squeezed out of four Stephenie Meyer Twilight books. All of them redefining cinematic tedium for a new century. And now, It’s Over! It’s Over! No more Twilight movies EVER!”
  • Writing in the Detroit News, Adam Graham sums things up: “Good riddance Twilight, may it be an eternity before you’re relaunched or rebooted.”

Now I suspect my beautiful niece and probably some of my granddaughters will be upset by this piece, but they’ll get over it when Christmas rolls around and those presents come rolling in.  Sorry guys.  No Twilight movie DVD’s.

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Posted by on November 16, 2012. Filed under COMMENTARY/OPINION. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. Both comments and pings are currently closed.
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11 Responses to Twilight Movies: The Beginning of the End of Our Long Nightmare

  1. Dale Fisk

    November 16, 2012 at 2:08 pm

    Ha! I’m sending this to all my kids. Brilliant! I loved the Hammer Films as well Mike, and agree with your assessment of the Dracula’s.

    • Michael John Scott

      November 16, 2012 at 2:16 pm

      Glad you liked it Dale!! I miss those Hammer films.

  2. Baker48

    November 16, 2012 at 2:13 pm

    Can you believe my wife, a 53 year old woman, loves these movies and has all of them. I think she’s watched all of them 100 times as well. I wonder if that says something about me?

    • Michael John Scott

      November 16, 2012 at 2:17 pm

      LOL. No comment Baker. Good luck with that. I hear these movies are addicting 🙂

    • Jess

      November 16, 2012 at 2:40 pm

      You’re a saint among men 🙂

  3. Jess

    November 16, 2012 at 2:38 pm

    There are people actually comparing this to Jane Eyre, Pride and Prejudice and Wuthering Heights as far as long lasting love stories. I dunno about you guys here and reading, but I have read all three of the aforementioned books and they are just not to be compared to anything. I tried, I really did, so hard to get past the third chapter in the first Twilight and could not. It is pure unadulterated drivel. Same as that stupid fan fic 50 Shades spin off from Twilight. I’m from the vampires are just sexy, blood thirsty creatures who cannot walk during the day camp. I’m a vampire purist dammit and do not want them to sparkle like diamonds, they are sexy enough without that crap. Yes, I did watch two of the movies but only because my nephew bugged the hell out of us to bring him because he wasn’t quite old enough to go by himself. won’t be making that error with this last one.

  4. Jess

    November 16, 2012 at 2:43 pm

    Sadly, this is not the last we will hear from Ms Meyer. She has penned another godawful book that has been turned into a movie. The Host or some such about an alien that gets into a body to take over the world. I think we’ve seen this one before on Star Trek or something.

    • Michael John Scott

      November 16, 2012 at 2:51 pm

      I read The Host Jess, and it wasn’t all that bad. Like you I couldn’t get past about the third chapter in the Twilight series’.

  5. greg gonzalez

    November 17, 2012 at 12:12 am

    While I wholeheartedly agree with you guys on how happy I am that we won’t be hearing about anymore Twilight films, I will say this- you guys are being a bit too harsh. Now before you guys decide to come after me with torches and pitchforks, and Mike kicks me off the site, I’m going to (at least somewhat) defend the TWILIGHT saga. Like all of you, I HATED it at first. I saw the first film and thought it was a horrible piece of crap. But then a friend and I were discussing writing and she mentioned how good the books were. I scoffed at her and told her she was smoking crack.

    A few months later, when Christmas rolled around, her gift to me was a set of all four books. With curiosity burning through me, I decided to blow the next two weeks reading them. While there IS an overdose of teenage angst and immature sentimentality, I will be the first one to admit that I enjoyed the story. Granted, I wanted to slap Bella more than once for being such a whiny brat, but the story does suck you in.(No pun intended.)

    If you overlook the whole ‘vegan vampires that glow in the dark’ and the werewolves who aren’t really werewolves bullshit, you will enjoy them. Of course, you’ll have to stretch your sense of disbelief almost to the breaking point, but if you can believe that Abraham Lincoln hunted vampires, then vamps who sparkle in the daylight really shouldn’t be much of a stretch.

    I don’t look at Twilight as a vampire story. Not in the traditional sense, anyway. I love vampires, and here’s some things you should check out, Mike, if you haven’t already- While the old Hammer studios are gone, a new one is back and making films again. They produced a really great film called LET ME IN a few years ago. I thought it was excellent. They also came out with Daniel Radcliffe’s first post-Harry Potter film, THE WOMAN IN BLACK. But I would suggest skipping that one unless you have a case of insomnia that even a gas truck full of Z-Quil couldn’t kill. And since you really enjoyed BRAM STOKER’S DRACULA, you might want to check out DRACULA THE UN-DEAD, a book written by Stoker’s ancestor and pretty much pick’s up where the film leaves off.

    Okay, guys- I’m done. Cry havoc and let loose the dogs of war. I’m ready for the torches and pitchforks.

    • Jess

      November 17, 2012 at 12:52 am

      While we disagree on the Twilight stuff, Let me In was an awesome remake and Chloe Moretz (sp) was excellent as the vampire in it. Woman in Black was not all it was hyped to be either so we agree on that.

    • Michael John Scott

      November 18, 2012 at 12:37 pm

      I’ve never had a problem stretching my sense of disbelief Greg (great imagination here), but the teen angst you mention would just make me ill. In real vampire movies the characters are adults, sometimes voluptuous and innocent (Lucy), and at other times cruel and vicious (all the cool Draculi). I did see Let Me In, and liked it although I found it to be distracting given the sub-titles. I also saw Woman in Black which was maybe OK, but I couldn’t give it more than 2 stars. All in all a disappointment. I doubt I will ever see the Twilight Series unless I get locked up and part of my punishment is spending the rest of my life watching them. See no torches and pitchforks Greg 🙂 Did you see “Flight” yet?