7 Reasons Why Cruise Ship Vacations are a Really Bad Idea
About Michael John ScottMr. Scott is the owner and publisher of Mad Mike's America. He is a U.S. Army veteran, career law enforcement executive, and dog trainer. He is a university professor, and criminal justice consultant, holding several degrees, including a master's in criminal justice and human services. He has completed the requisite coursework toward his doctorate, and is still working on his dissertation.
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Cruises are often advertised as luxurious escapes from the grinding tedium of our everyday lives. These moving, all-in-one vacations boast entertainment, dining, adventure, relaxation, and a world of postcard-worthy sights. And of course, most cruises are terrific. But when the rare disastrous event strikes, those giant vessels of portable fun go from Jekyll to Hyde just like that, and can even become prisons of panic.
These Carnival Triumph passengers are probably never going on a cruise ship again.
AP Photo/John David Mercer
Passengers can’t easily leave their confined spaces, limited supplies dwindle far too quickly, and help isn’t exactly forthcoming on the open sea. We may be more likely to die in a car crash than go down like Jack and Rose, but with the harrowing (if not utterly disgusting) stories emerging from Carnival’s latest disaster, let’s take a moment to review all the bad things that can happen while vacationing on a big boat.
1. Adrift and powerless
The Carnival cruise ship Triumph was hardly triumphant as it labored into an Alabama port on Feb. 14. After spending five fetid days adrift in the Gulf of Mexico, the 4,200 passengers and crew rushed down the planks, some even sinking to their knees to kiss the dry land. A fire in the engine room had knocked out the ship’s propulsion, power, sewage, and heating and air-conditioning systems. So instead of a lounging poolside, stocking up at the Asian-themed buffet station, or indulging in a relaxing massage, passengers spent four nights sleeping on sewage-soaked carpets, eating ketchup on buns, and pooping into plastic bags. Just making some memories, really.
2. Pirates (!)
In April 2009, The Melody set off from Durban, South Africa, with about 1,000 passengers and 500 crew on a 22-day luxury cruise that would end in Genoa, Italy. Early in the trip, while the ship passed through waters north of Seychelles, pirates surrounded the boat and opened fire. The cruise ship’s security detail returned fire, which was enough to keep the intruders at bay. The Melody’s distress call alerted nearby Coast Guards which, with the help of the Spanish navy, were able to apprehend the nine attempted hijackers and escort the ship to safety.
3. Run aground and capsized
The Costa Concordia suffered one of the biggest disasters in recent cruise-liner history when it ran aground in January 2012 off the coast of Tuscany. The ship eventually sank, and dozens of the 4,229 passengers and crew died. The ship was only three hours into its voyage through the Mediterranean when the ship first hit rocks. Survivors reported hearing a loud bang before the liner was plunged into darkness and shuddered to a halt. It wasn’t until the enormous vessel began to list dramatically that its passengers erupted into complete panic, with people stealing life jackets from one another and opting to jump into the sea instead of waiting for lifeboats. One passenger compared the terrifying ordeal to Titanic.
4. A flu outbreak
Over the Christmas holiday, hundreds of vacationers embarked upon luxury cruises only to find themselves trapped with an unsavory bunkmate — a viral stomach bug. On the Emerald Princess cruise ship, for example, 5 percent of the passengers came down with some sort of gastro intestinal flu. The sick had to be quarantined in their rooms with the threat of “unnamed consequences” if they dared to leave. Those who managed to escape the virus’ nauseating effects were asked to stay away from the buffet and eat only at the full-service restaurants. The sick did enjoy the comforts of room service, however. On the prestigious Queen Mary 2, 194 passengers and 11 crew members also came down with the suspected Norovirus bug, which is highly contagious and typically transmitted from person-to-person.
5. Going missing
Occasionally, passengers just vanish. In April 2011, John Halford was enjoying his last night of a week-long Egyptian cruise. His bag was packed, he had texted his wife, who was at home in Britain, to say he’d see her the next day at the airport, and went off to dinner. Passengers reportedly saw him have a cocktail later in the evening. And then he was gone. Worryingly, Halford’s story is far from unique. That year there were at least 13 people who went missing and, as the Cruise Victims Association reports, some 165 people have disappeared while at sea since 1995. While some suspect accidents, suicides, and even sinister crime waves, in the end, most cases go unsolved, the families left in limbo.
6. Crime
Cruise ships are like floating foreign islands where laws shift like the tides. The way criminal matters are dealt with can depend on the ship’s location in the ocean, its home port, or the nationality of its passengers. And prosecuting these crimes can be difficult. Crime scenes are often contaminated, since no police are onboard the ships. And if the ship is in foreign waters, it is often up to the captain to decide whether to incarcerate someone suspected of committing a crime. If a U.S. citizen is involved, the FBI will investigate, but some victims of crimes say that the action is often too late. In the end, some 16 percent of all murders and 7 percent of sexual assaults aboard cruise ships lead to convictions or plea bargains, according to FBI statistics. Lawyers for cruise liners maintain that crime statistics remain low, and are roughly equivalent to the chances a person has of being struck by lightning.
7. Collisions
In March 2012, a luxury cruise ship collided in deep fog with a container ship about five miles from the coast of Vietnam. Passenger Andrew Lock said he and his wife suddenly heard the ship’s foghorn alarm. Startled, they looked out their window and saw a container ship appear out of nowhere directly in front of them. They braced themselves for the impact. “It was a horrifying moment,” he said. Within five seconds of the ship appearing, their cruise liner collided into its side. The Silversea Cruises maintains the damage was limited, but passengers say it felt like a “major collision” and watched as the container ship rolled over at a 90-degree angle. Lock said it looked like the cruise liner had “crushed” the other ship.
Story by Lauren Hansen | The Week
Lyndon Probus
February 19, 2013 at 11:03 am
I’ve cruised the Atlantic 8 times and will be doing it again at the beginning of May. Other than the lights going out for an hour on the second trip, I’ve never had a bad experience aboard the Queen Mary 2. If you want to cruise I recommend Cunard lines. Stay away from the party boats….
Anonymous
February 19, 2013 at 12:09 pm
With all respect Lyndon, you get what you pay for. Most people can’t afford regular cruises on the Queen Mary so we have to settle for those ‘party boats.’
Faye B.
February 19, 2013 at 11:10 am
The ONLY “cruise” I have ever gone on was a 4-day “Windjammer” cruise aboard a schooner along the coast of Maine — 13 passengers and crew and beautiful scenery. Those behemoths like the Carnival Triumph are ugly as hell, too big, and more like being on a floating hotel than a boat. I prefer being on a boat where I can feel the ocean under me.
Michael John Scott
February 19, 2013 at 11:21 am
I always wanted to do that Faye. Nice small group enjoying the sea, which I happen to love.
James Smith
February 19, 2013 at 12:49 pm
Having been on sailboat deliveries around the world, my idea of a cruise is a 35-70′ sailboat with two to four other sailors. True, there are no casinos, buffets, or dance rooms, but the food is often surprisingly good and the sensation of being safer than with 3,000 strangers on board is equaled only by the knowledge that you’re actually on the ocean sailing and not in a floating hotel.
Joe Hagstrom
February 19, 2013 at 11:17 am
I went on a Mississippi Riverboat cruise a few times. It was cool but after three hours it really got old. Plus I was worried that the boat wasn’t registered in Liberia. If you can’t trust a Liberian who can you trust?
Michael John Scott
February 19, 2013 at 11:20 am
LOL LOL Joe….Gotta love a Liberian
Joe Hagstrom
February 19, 2013 at 2:41 pm
I really like naughty Liberians.
Opps. Sorry. Family friendly site. Which is ironic considering it’s run and infested with heathen athiests.
Bill Formby
February 19, 2013 at 3:47 pm
Hold on there Joe. I think I resemble that remark.
Michael John Scott
February 19, 2013 at 4:55 pm
LOL! Yes. Heathen, militant Atheist scum Joe
But that’s just me 
Jess
February 19, 2013 at 7:24 pm
Me too and shockingly, I just got an email from a prince there that really likes me and wants to give me some money. Said that if I go ahead and tell him my bank acct info he will be depositing it into my account any day. Exciting times for me as you might imagine. Oh and not for nothing, it’s Msrs and madam heathen athiests if you please. I would like that title since I will be coming into a boatload of cash thanks to my new Liberian or Nigerian friend the prince.
Joe Hagstrom
February 20, 2013 at 12:03 am
Heathens and athiests. My kind of folk. Of course I won’t see any of you in the afterlife so that’s why I’m enjoying our heathen, hedonist athiest society while I’m here. There’s no beer in Heaven either. God I hope there’s golf.
Jason
February 20, 2013 at 6:33 am
Oh, great. I have to come and read a story like this. Going on a Carnival Cruise in July. I have already been a little nervous as is, and because the inlaws are paying for this trip, no way to get out of it. Chances are, yes…I will have a good time. I can’t help but be a little paranoid now. I guess it is a good thing this cruise ship is going to Alaska/Canada and not someplace more exotic.
James Smith
February 20, 2013 at 7:18 am
Some years ago, I took a two-week “Heart of Alaska cruise/tour with the Princess line. Everything went perfectly except I gained ten pounds that took a lot longer to lose than to gain.
All the connections, boat, air, buses, trains, went perfectly. Our luggage was always in our rooms when we arrived. Not a single hitch in anything for the entire trip.
Booking the side tours on board was more expensive, but I expected that and often booked the same tour locally for far less. I had the same experience a few years ago when we went on a one-month tour of Europe. Booking the same local tour ourselves was always far cheaper and often better.
I think you’ll be fine. As we say here, Boa Viagem.
Michael John Scott
February 20, 2013 at 9:31 am
I’ve read and heard that the Alaskan cruises are the best. I would love to do that someday….
James Smith
February 20, 2013 at 9:38 am
One caveat, I took the next to last cruise of the year (discounted, of course) and sometimes, it was a bit colder than I would have liked. There was already what they call “Termination dust” (snowfall) on the mountains. But it was also the time of the Alaskan State fair where I saw pig races and the mosquito season was over. Maybe it all balanced out?
Bill Formby
February 20, 2013 at 1:38 pm
I took all the cruises I ever wanted to when I was in the Marine Corps. Sorry, but once you get out there in the middle of some ocean you at the mercy of too many things that you cannot control. I have been on troop ships and air craft carriers so I figure that I no longer have a yearning to to go asea.
James Smith
February 20, 2013 at 1:59 pm
Poor man. You never were really on the ocean. You were locked up in a steel box with nothing to say about where you were going or why.
When I do a boat delivery, I have control over whether I go or stay, the route I take, when I leave, and with whom I am sailing. That’s a lot different than your experience.
Bill Formby
February 20, 2013 at 7:41 pm
James, maybe you would not call the Atlantic Ocean, the or the Caribbean a real oceans but I certainly did. True, I was out there many, many moons with no control over where we were or where were going but that made very little difference. I spent many, many hours in the air also but just because they were not in a piper cub does not mean I wasn’t flying in the air. I realize your were on boats that were more like yachts but trust me The middle of the Atlantic can still kick a troop ship all to hell and back.
James Smith
February 21, 2013 at 4:56 am
Having crossed the Atlantic and the Pacific oceans in moats 70 feet or less and sailed the Caribbean many times, I am fully aware that they are all oceans.
A small lake can seem like an ocean if a string storm kicks up suddenly. In fact, the most frightened I have even been sailing was on Roosevelt lake in Arizona. A summer thunderstorm came up and laid my 19′ boat over on its side and kept it there until I could crawl over the near-vertical deck to lower the main sail. Water was pouring into the cockpit and down into the cabin.
Technically yes, these were yachts. Except the 70-footer which was a racing boat and more spartan than a troopship.
Why should I not trust you about the Atlantic? If I have crossed it in boats 50′ and less, yachts or no, they were far more vulnerable than troopships.
As I said, the difference was, I could decide whether to go or not go, what route to take and when to change that route if I decided conditions were unfavorable in that direction.