To be a geek or not to be a geek–what a stupid question
About Gregory B. GonzalezGregory B. Gonzalez is an angry black man who isn't actually black. No, really- he told us to say that! His parents once had him tested for Tourette's, but when the doctor came back with his results, he said, "No, he's fine. Your son is just an a**hole!" It's been downhill ever since. He lives like the Unabomber, only without the explosives. Feel free to contact him provided you can actually locate him. Just keep in mind that he'll probably make fun of you to your face. We here at MMA can't stand him, so if you want him, he's all yours!
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I hate to sound as though I’m attending my first Alcoholics Anonymous meeting, but here we go- my name is Greg Gonzalez, and I am a geek.
I know that must come as something of a shock to my loyal readership, but yeah… the coolest guy you know on Mad Mike’s is a full-on pop culture slut. I’m not just some newbie who wandered into a comic book store one day and thought, “Wow! Now I can be cool because everyone else is into comics, too!” either- I am an elite geek. The only way you can reach elite status is either by knowing pretty much everything there is to know in any given geek subject, such as movies, TV shows, music, comics, horror, and sci-fi. Of which I am familiar with all of the six subjects listed above. Or you can attain elite status simply by your length of interest, but it has to be longer than 15-20 years.
Oh, and I wanted to clarify- there is a very CLEAR difference between nerds, geeks and dorks. I’ve already described geeks, so let’s move on to nerds. Nerds are the Steve Jobs types- people who are highly intelligent, socially awkward, tech-savvy gamers. Dorks have re-branded themselves as themselves as ‘hipsters’, but in truth, they have no real identity and travel in both geek and nerd circles, thinking that they’re cooler than they really are. If you run into a hipster, just do what I do- walk back to your car, open the trunk, pull out a bat, and do your best impression of DeNiro from THE UNTOUCHABLES.
(If that inference was too subtle for you to understand, let me speak more plainly- I HATE HIPSTERS. If the apocalypse ever happens, the only things left will be roaches, the cast of JERSEY SHORE, and hipsters!)
But I digress. The reason I bring this stuff up is because, as my father is wont to say, “I have a cute story for you!”
It all begins with this past Sunday. I woke up relatively early to make it to the monthly comic book convention at the Shrine Auditorium in Downtown Los Angeles. If the Shrine sounds familiar to you, that’s because it used to be the home of the Academy Awards before they moved it over to the Dolby Theatre in Hollywood. The reason I wanted to go was because I had heard that two stars from THE WALKING DEAD, Laurie Holden (Andrea) and Danai Gurira (Michonne) were going to be doing a signing appearance there.
I left the house barely awake, but relatively excited. I was kinda ticked at myself for leaving later than I intended, but that’s because I figured I’d end up smack at the end of a huge line of people waiting to get in. Turns out I couldn’t have been more mistaken. While there was a big line at the doors, it wasn’t terribly massive.
As I paid for my ticket, I asked one of the staff what time the signing was going to be. She said, “We don’t know what time they’ll be here exactly, but they should be here around twelve p.m.” Then she added, “Oh, and don’t forget- if you want something signed, it’s thirty dollars. Cash only!”
It took my brain a moment to process the information. I said, “Hold up- you mean they’re actually charging for autographs? What a fucking rip!” I walked away in disgust.
I thought it over for a minute. As much as I despise paying for a signature, I REALLY wanted to meet Laurie Holden and have her sign my Walking Dead dvd. But shelling out money really goes against the grain. I mean, I knew why they did it- when people started to get non-personalized autographs on memorabilia, it was so they could turn around and make a profit on it. Since the celebrities weren’t making a dime from that, they started charging. Some celebs still sign stuff for free, but only if they can personalize it to the person who wants their autograph. That’s how they know their dealing with a true fan instead of a money-grubbing whore. In the end, I decided to forget it. I could use the money for something that wouldn’t eventually rub off.
A lap-dance not withstanding.
I was disappointed to say the least, but decided to make the best of it by walking around and seeing what swag there was to score. Under normal circumstances, I would have brought a buying list with me to find what back issues I was missing, but I was too tired from the night before to compile one. Besides, the thought of having to dig through a bunch of cardboard boxes and risk getting paper-cuts or getting stepped on didn’t appeal to me. I ended up buying a trade edition of Garth Ennis’ UNKNOWN SOLDIER and DC UNIVERSE: LEGACIES.
When noon rolled around, I stood in the back by the main panel stage, hoping to at least get a glimpse of Laurie and Danai before heading home. Behind me, Edward Furlong, who played the young John Connor in TERMINATOR 2: JUDGMENT DAY, was sitting at a table doing his own signing for thirty bucks. Not that anybody was lined up for him.
Then a pair of kids dressed in goth-punk style walked up to Furlong. A thin, gaunt, platinum-haired girl with her boyfriend next to her stood in front of Furlong and said, “We just wanted to stop and say that we really loved you in T2! You were awesome!”
Furlong gushed, “Thanks, Man! Yeah, it was a cool experience. Do you guys want an autograph?”
The girl cleared her throat and said, “Normally, I would love it, but I can’t afford the thirty bucks. I’m kinda broke!”
That was when Edward Furlong did something that pissed me the fuck off. With an overly cocky smirk, he said, “You can’t afford it? Ha! What a pair of losers!”
I felt bad for the girl and her boyfriend. They looked as though Furlong had slapped them across the face and followed it up by spitting on them as though they were a couple serfs begging royalty for a crumb of bread. Furlong just chuckled away like they were beneath him as they stood there, heads down from embarrassment.
I turned around and faced him. I said, “That was fucked up, man.”
Furlong snarled, “What’s it to you?”
I shot back, “Treating your fans like garbage is NOT cool. They may be broke, but at least they still have a future ahead of them! What about you? You’re pushing forty and still look as though you haven’t hit puberty yet! What have YOU done lately, asshole? You’re just coasting on a movie you made over twenty years ago! Grow a fucking brain, burnout!”
Jumping out of his chair, Furlong snapped, “Hey, you can’t talk to me like that!”
Walking away, I said, “I just did, DICK!”
On the way out of the auditorium, I ran into the blonde girl and her boyfriend by the parking structure. She stopped me and said, “I just wanted to say thanks for what you did back there.”
“Yeah, man!” Her boyfriend agreed.
I chuckled. “No thanks necessary. Nobody deserves to be treated like that. Besides, I think he needed to be taken down a peg. What an arrogant little shit!”
We all laughed and went our separate ways. Driving home, I kept thinking that maybe I’m not cut out to be a part of geek culture anymore. Not that I ever was, mind you as I don’t fit the traditional geek paradigm. I look too straight for the geek world. By the same token, I’m too much of a geek for the straight world. I walk in both worlds, but I’m at home in neither.
If anything, I’m a self-contained unit. I don’t make judgments on what’s cool or not, I simply like what I like- no excuses. If you can’t accept that, I could care less. I never needed a tattoo or outrageous clothes to be different, I simply am. My attitude defines me, not my interests.
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gregory b. gonzalez
February 28, 2013 at 3:06 am
Author’s note: I just wanted to apologize for the typos in the article. I try to nail down and correct as many as I can, but in this case, I was in a bit of a time-crunch to get this piece done, so I didn’t get the chance to revise it as much as I would have liked.
Either that, or you can blame Peter and Mike. Whatever’s easier.
(Just kidding, guys!)
Michael John Scott
February 28, 2013 at 8:17 am
Eeeyah….back to the editing board.
gregory b. gonzalez
February 28, 2013 at 6:13 pm
Think like a liberal, act like a republican: Do the right thing whenever possible, but when you screw up, pass the buck off to somebody else!
Jess
February 28, 2013 at 8:11 am
Furlong has been in and out of the grey bar hotel for a few months now, for alleged battery on his gf and disobeying the restraining order she got. Lost custody of his kid due to coke use. He’s a waste of skin and probably needs that 30 bucks per sig he is trying to get, for legal fees or what not so you did a good thing confronting his bad attitude. Some of these stars think they are entitled to be worshipped. My husband calls me his nerdorkeek, combing all three things because I fit into all the categories at one time or another. I’ll blame Mike, since I can
gregory b. gonzalez
February 28, 2013 at 6:43 pm
Jess, I don’t really give a shit what his problems are- as far as I’m concerned, he’s dug his own hole. It’s up to him to dig himself out. If he had treated those kids with even a modicum of respect, I wouldn’t have come down on him so hard. The guy is a tool, plain and simple.
BTW- I knew you were a geek. We can always smell our own. =)
Joe Hagstrom
February 28, 2013 at 8:39 am
You can be the cool kid on the block Gregory. I prefer to be the most feared.
gregory b. gonzalez
February 28, 2013 at 6:46 pm
Gregory B. Gonzalez and Joe Hagstrom- The Superman & Batman of Madmikesamerica.
Jess
February 28, 2013 at 11:29 pm
Just say no to Spandex, if you are going to go all superhero on us.
gregory b. gonzalez
March 1, 2013 at 1:38 am
I can’t speak for Joe, but I’m not into the tights look. Thongs, yes- Spandex, no. =P
Michael John Scott
February 28, 2013 at 9:17 am
LOL Joe…despite that sentiment, however, I would have done what you did Gregory, and have, embarrassing any number of partners. I got this from my mother
gregory b. gonzalez
February 28, 2013 at 6:48 pm
I think I would have felt upstaged had he been a little quicker on the uptake, but I guess the coke fried his frontal lobe.
Arthurofone41
February 28, 2013 at 9:27 am
This is one of those guys you hope jumps so you can kick his trashy ass all over the place, unless he kicks yours when you’ll be embarassed like crazy and wished you stayed home.
gregory b. gonzalez
February 28, 2013 at 6:51 pm
Arthurofone: I only pick on people my own size. Edwarbo Furlongbins is the only homeless resident of the shire. He would have needed a footstool to reach me.
lincoln82
February 28, 2013 at 10:39 am
I love everything over here, including the passionate Atheist posts, then again that’s a view I share. As to Greg, my whole family is enjoying the stories of his life, love and other stuff….
gregory b. gonzalez
February 28, 2013 at 6:55 pm
lincoln82- Thank you for the high praise. Of course, you’re also enjoying my personal pain. That makes me sad. =(
Just kidding. God knows my life is weird enough that people should be laughing at my expense. And believe me, everything I’ve shared up to this point is only icing on the cake.
Bill Formby
March 2, 2013 at 4:10 am
One question here Greg old boy. Since when did you become the coolest guy on Madmike. That’s taking in a lot of territory there hot shot. Perhaps you do not know of the many exploits of the Mad Mike himself, or of the now hidden from view Lazersedge there young fellow. Just because you may have a few years on us doesn’t mean we’re not cool. Ya dig.
Michael John Scott
March 2, 2013 at 7:31 pm
LOL Bill! You tell ‘em
gregory b. gonzalez
March 2, 2013 at 9:11 pm
Bill and Mike- I’m just the newest young gun on the block. I would never denigrate the exploits and reputations of the men who came before me whom I respect immensely. Having said that, I’m just here to make people laugh, give them something to think about, and to make fun of the people who deserve it. And if what I do inspires you to tell your own stories, then all the better. Being perceived as ‘cool’ is just icing on the cake.