- CRITTER TALK
- SCI/TECH/OTHER STUFF
St. Malachy was an Irish bishop who lived in the 12th century. His most famous prophecy, which came to him in a vision from You-Know-Who, concerns the sequence of popes.
The prophecy consist of 112 short Latin descriptions of future popes; the uncanny prophecies were discovered in 1590 and attributed to Malachy. Each description indicates one identifying trait for each future pope, beginning with Celestine II, who was elected in 1130. In some instances, the descriptions hit home in an uncanny way; they have led to centuries of speculation that the prophecy might be a real one which leads to the big question: what’s next dude?
According to the prophesy, there are only two popes left in Malachy’s prophecy, “the glory of the olive” and “Peter the Roman.” The latter will supposedly lead the Church through many tribulations, concluding with the last judgment, meaning the apocalypse.
If true that would mean we were in the “End Times.” With that in mind I would expect the College of Cardinals to be careful not to elect as the next pope anyone who likes olives, and the one after should probably hail from Botswana and be called Sammy, which is a real Botswana name. He would then be known forever as Sammy the Botswanan.
So be careful out there and remember, if you haven’t given Big Jesus a hug and declared him Lord and Master of All in the Universe, you are fucked.