The Adventures Of Maximus Spittimus – Part II

About Norman Rampart
I am an Englishman, originally from a small village in Lancashire where everyone looks the same - even, slightly worryingly, the sheep. I have been residing reluctantly in the general area of London for 38 years. I came here for three weeks, ran out of money and couldn't afford the coach fare home. I believe that an Englishman's home is his castle. Even if it is only a small end of terrace pile of bricks.
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Then they lets me out of the cageimuss. The lady Two Legs says ‘Enough spitting!!’ and grabs my scruff and sits me on her lapimuss.

I goes ‘FZZZZT!’ and she laughs!!! She laughs!!!! At me!!!!!!

I doesn’t care. I ‘as already pissed on the Man Two Legs and I will piss on her too!!!!

Laughings at me spittings!!!!

They ‘as no idea who I is.

They will learn!!!

I is Maximus Spittimus – The Emperor Maximus Spittimus!!!!

The Universe only exists because I is in it!!!!

Oh how they will learnimuss!!!!

I ‘as learned to typeimuss by the ways.

These are my adventures and I is tellings them!!!!

There is other cats here when I arrives. Princess Puffball is blindimuss and has to have a bath every week cause she stinkimuss too!

DJ and Scampi are the elders. I will learn from them. Cuddles Junior or CJ is a stray that just walked in one day and stayed. The Two Legs let just anything walk in MY house??????

Bumble aka The Bumbles aka Bumbleeny thinks she is the boss cat.

I will show her who is bossimuss right now

‘FZZZZZZZZT!!!!’

‘OW!!! She batted me with her paw!!!!

She will learn who I is.

I is The Emporer Maximus Spittimus and my adventures are just begining!!!!

I ‘AS SPOKENED!