- CRITTER TALK
Conservative commentator and author Ann Coulter refused to stay on board a Miami to New York commercial airline flight today after learning the pilot was a woman of African-American descent.
According to witness reports Coulter was concerned the experienced, decorated pilot in question may have gained her position as a result of affirmative action and wasn’t fully qualified to fly.
The incident began when Coulter boarded the American Airlines flight and took up her first class seat. After a trip to the bathroom, she noticed the pilot was a black woman and became immediately distraught.
According to passengers, at that point Coulter stood at the front of the cabin and began screaming her concerns to the entire flight as they finished boarding.
“Aw come on people, a black woman flying a plane? You know she got that job through affirmative action. Am I the only one worried about this? I mean hello? Our lives are at stake here…”
Ann of mean labels
The confused passengers weren’t sure what to make of Coulter’s outburst, and remained completely silent.
“Really? So we’re just gonna let this happen? We’re gonna let political correctness determine our safety? Is this what we’ve come to in Obama’s America? Letting just anyone fly a plane out of fear of being called a racist?”
“Oh come on don’t be coy. I know you’re all thinking it! I just have the courage to say what everyone on this plane is thinking. Am I right?”
“I mean what’s next? Are we gonna let Mexicans become doctors now? Jesus Christ people!”
Realizing her efforts to provoke a mutiny had come to naught, Coulter then took her carry-on bags and bolted back up the jetway towards the gate against the orders of the flight attendants.
Final descent into madness
In reality the pilot of the plane was trained by the U.S. Air Force and was a decorated veteran of the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, where she flew aerial refueling missions for transport and reconnaissance aircraft.
She has been flying for American Airlines for four years, and is one of that airline’s most experienced 737 pilots.
After the incident Coulter was taken in for questioning because violating the instructions of flight attendants is a federal offense. Law enforcement officials, however, say no charges will be filed.
“Clearly this woman has some sort of mental illness,” explains TSA spokesperson Dirk Diggler, “We recommended against pressing charges, and mandated a full psychiatric evaluation.”
Coulter, however, is unapologetic about her actions. In a statement released on her official Tumblr account she defended her decision to stay off the plane.
“I made the best decision I could with the information I had at the time. I’m not gonna risk my life for the sake of some liberal fantasy of equality. ”
Coulter is known for her controversial views on race, and is the author of the recent book Mugged: Racial Demagoguery from the Seventies to Obama.
My God what a bitch!
Now that’s all said and done, acknowledging that Ann Coulter is, in fact, a bitch, we should point out the Daily Currant is an English language satirical newspaper whose stories are purely fictional, and this one is no exception, but hey I can see this happening can’t you?Click here for reuse options!