Putting Death On The Roads In England
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Do you have ‘driving instructors’ in the USA? Or driving tests? I’m led to believe by my driving students that such things exist in Europe at any rate.
The British driving test is reckoned to be one of the hardest in the world and it may well be, then again, I have no evidence to substantiate that other than the comments of my driving students from around the globe.
I’ve taught people from Eastern Europe – lots of them – India, Pakistan, Africa and on one glorious occasion, the USA.
From the USA was Lisa and she was a good student who learned quickly. As a matter of fact I would have ‘put my house on’ to pass her test first time with flying colors.
I would have lost my house because she failed. Why? On ‘the manouvre’. The driving examiner gave her ‘turn in the road’ which, basically means, turn the car around safely from facing one way to another. She could do that manouvre with her eyes closed – well, not literally as she might have hit a tree.
Somehow she ‘lost the plot’ – she completely buggered it up and, as a result, failed her driving test. Her ‘driving’ was fine – she only collected 3 minor faults and you can collect up to 15 minor faults and still pass.
“You DONUT!” I said – and thereafter called her ‘Donut’ until she passed the second time with flying colors and received a donut from me by way of congratulation. A tradition I have continued with all students when they pass. They get a donut.
Now learning to drive has nothing whatsoever to do with intelligence or academic ability. I know this by teaching “Debbie,” not her real name obviously.
Debbie was – and is – a beautiful person who hasn’t a ‘bad breath’ in her body. I can confidently say that she also has a noticeable shortage of ‘little grey cells’ in the area of her brain. Regardless, I would be proud to have such a sweet creature as my daughter.
We were stuck in traffic on one lesson and I noticed about 30 sheep grazing on a steep hillside to our right. All the sheep were facing the same way as they grazed as sheep are often wont to do.
“You see those sheep Debbie?” I asked
“Yes”
“Do you know why they are all facing the same way on that steep hillside?”
“No”
“It’s because they are genetically bred with their right legs shorter than their left legs so they can stand on steep hillsides”
“Really? Wow! That’s amazing!”
‘Debbie’ passed her driving test and is now loose on our British roads in a large and dangerous metal box known most commonly as ‘a car’ and, according to three recommendation driving students I received via her, still believes what I said about the sheep.
I can’t decide quite how much this may be a worry – perhaps I’m just an evil old git eh?
Tanya is from Bulgaria and she somehow failed to grasp the concept of ‘left’ and ‘right’. Invariably I would say ‘turn left’ and she would turn right or vice-versa.
I solved the problem by saying ‘left’ and ‘right’ in Bulgarian and it worked a treat.
Some of my driving students go off on their driving test with a large ‘L’ for ‘left’ and a large ‘R’ for ‘right’ on their left and right hands in black marker pen, and I’m not kidding. Examiners don’t mind because they realize it’s a way of combating the jangling nerves.
Tanya went on to test with a large ‘L’ on her left hand and a large ‘J’ on her right, noticed the examiner as he signed the driving test documentation.
He looked over at me as her instructor. “L and J? What IS that?”
“It’s Bulgarian mate. If you say ‘left’ or ‘right’ she’ll do the opposite. No idea why. It just happens. Say ‘Lavo’ for ‘left’ and ‘Jazno’ for ‘right’ and it’ll be cool”
“I’m not doing that!” he replied indignantly, “this is a British driving test!”
“Suit yourself mate” I said.
Tanya passed.
At the ‘debrief’ the examiner admitted he’d given up on ‘left’ and ‘right’ and finally started saying “Lavo” and “Jazno” quite simply because he couldn’t fail her for going the wrong way, as long as she did so perfectly safely, but he was worried they might end up in Glasgow if she didn’t start going the way he wanted her to.
Do you have driving examinations in the USA? And if so, are they difficult? Do you need driving instructors? I’ve a few gaps in my diary and, for a very reasonable remuneration will happily teach over there.
I’ve put enough ‘death on the roads’ over here after all.
God Save The Queen and I’m turning Lavo
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Yup, we have those in several different languages too, for the written tests here in California. I took driver’s ed and training behind the wheel in high school and started driving my junior year. Failed the written permit test once and the driving around one I passed handily. That would be 3rd year of high school. Took a motorcycle class also, that lasted over three weekends of instruction and passed my motorcycle license couple of years ago. I did dirtbiking when I was younger, so I had all the good stuff down as far as the motorcycle. I cannot parallel park to save my life and have actually called hubby from inside a restaurant to do it for me if we drove separately. If I cannot drive right into a spot, I will drive around and around till I find one I can drive into.
We also have driving schools here in Brazil. We have one oddity, though. One must take a “psychological exam” as part of the test. I have observed this must be to determine if you are crazy enough to drive here.
As an example, one can turn left here from the right lane and vice-verse. This is not only legal but normal behavior. Your Bulgarian student would be fine here. 🙂
Any time a Brazilian does something stupid or inconsiderate when driving, they will give you the “thumbs up” sign as if that makes it OK. Only a few minutes ago I was nearly hit while walking by a driver that turned right from the left lane without signaling. I gave him a somewhat different sign and he only did a thumbs up and happily drove on.
Part of the reason for this could be that lane markings here are only suggestions, not something to be taken seriously.
Of course we have driving tests Norman, fifty different ones to be precise, and some are more difficult than others, and yes, we do have driving instructors. As a matter of fact high school students can opt to take driving courses. There are also private instructors.