A Cosmic Jewish Zombie Can Make You Live Forever

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Christianity is made up of odd, if not downright outrageous beliefs. You have to believe there’s a cosmic Jewish zombie called Jesus who would get rid of all the wicked people in the world.  These ‘wicked people’ are those who don’t embrace the zombie as their ‘personal savior.’

Most Christians believe that Jesus was conceived by the Holy Spirit, born of a virgin, performed miracles, founded the Church, died by crucifixion as a sacrifice to achieve atonement, rose from the dead, and ascended into heaven, from which he will return. The majority of Christians worship Jesus as the incarnation of God the Son, who is the Second Person of the Holy Trinity.

Now that’s all well and good but in reality the following, complete with cool picture of a guy in an uncomfortable situation, is a more accurate portrayal of “Jesus.”

Christianity

Hat tip to my pal Gary.

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About Post Author

Professor Mike

Professor Mike is a left-leaning, dog loving, political junkie. He has written dozens of articles for Substack, Medium, Simily, and Tribel. Professor Mike has been published at Smerconish.com, among others. He is a strong proponent of the environment, and a passionate protector of animals. In addition he is a fierce anti-Trumper. Take a moment and share his work.
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10 years ago

So Jesus is supposed to be heavenly and that makes him cosmic. He’s Jewish. And he allegedly rose from the dead making him a zombie. Perfect.

powerthroughprayer96
10 years ago

I wonder how you Obama lovers can sleeep at nights, when you know he believes in our savior and lord. You are a bunch of hypocrits over here.

Anonymous
Reply to  powerthroughprayer96
10 years ago

Obama doesn’t really believe that bullshit. He’s pretending just like most American politicians so they can keep their power and money. You know, like the Catholic Church/Vatican/Pope/child sexual abusers/the almighty deluded xians etc.

Anonymous
Reply to  Anonymous
10 years ago

Yeah that’s what you say. You sound like a Christian defending the bible.

Jess
Reply to  powerthroughprayer96
10 years ago

I have a machine that makes noises like the ocean, for a calming effect that helps me sleep, oh and weed. Thanks for asking.

Jess
Reply to  Professor Mike
10 years ago

I’ve got the same sounds and thunderstorm for some weird reason. Guess for some that kind of noise distracts them. I prefer the ocean and the forest stream, bird noises for restful snoozing. Mike, you are a college professor I think I know where you might begin to start looking. It will come to you in a second or three 😉

Jess
Reply to  Professor Mike
10 years ago

You mean to tell me that among the profs there you don’t know anyone that smokes weed? What kind of school of higher learning does not have hippydippy professors teaching there. It’s an outrage.

Jess
Reply to  Professor Mike
10 years ago

Yay for weed holding colleagues, I knew it would come to you since I am psychic like that 🙂 I’ll expect a typo ridden post as soon as you get to smoking. That is when you can put money on it that I am high, typos all over the place.

Keith Pinster
Reply to  powerthroughprayer96
10 years ago

If I could find a politician who was brave enough to denounce all of these delusional superstitions, you know I’d vote for him/her in a heartbeat. We aren’t hypocrites for voting for the lesser of 2 crazies, we’re just stuck between a rock and a religiot.

10 years ago

Now if I’d been presented with a ‘cosmic Jewish zombie’ as a kid I may well have got religion!

Dale Fisk
10 years ago

That about sums it up Mike! Millions of people believe this nonsense, and I did as well, about 30 years ago.

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