When Brides Kill: Sometimes You Don’t Know What You Want

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WAFormby has spent his life trying find out what he wants to be. When he determines that he will let everyone know, including himself. Most of his life he has been an educator and still enjoys bringing the light of knowledge, as he knows it, into the darkness of ignorance, as everyone else knows it. Despite his wealth of experience, education and knowledge he is humble and tries not to take himself too seriously.
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Back in the good old days it seemed like things were as they seemed to be. I remember going to the movies as a kid and you could usually tell right away that the bad guys had on the black hats and the good guys had on the white hats. Now, of course, as I aged a bit I learned a little more about things like sucker punches and being pushed over the kid kneeling behind you and that all people who acted good did not necessarily wear halos. But it seems like lately one has to be even more careful when dealing with anyone, particularly one of the opposite sex, and double particularly when it comes to matters of the heart lest ye become the victim of a cruel, and perhaps deadly, sucker punch.

Take for example, this young couple that got all lovey dovey out in Montana.  They just had to get married, and did. This is what those conservative, for the bible, religious ideas of getting married before you live with someone can really get you in trouble. After about eight days of what appears to have been one way marital bliss the young bride decides she thinks she might have rushed into something she wasn’t ready for at the time.

Now, we can all speculate what it was she was not ready for if we wish. Could be he was a slob around the mountain cabin where they were honeymoonin’. Could be he was just down right lousy in bed, or he did his best but in eight days he still had yet to ring her bell and she figured that eight days was all the time she thought he needed. I mean, shoot, maybe she was lousy in bed and he made fun of her. Who knows what goes on in the mind of people these days. These two newbies to this nuptials business surely did not have the certainty of their feeling like Caroline and certain did not have here foresight.

But to their, hers or his, credit, they were going to talk about it. But here is where the gum gets a bit sticky. When you are having problems with someone I think the last place you would want to have a conversation about is somewhere in the vicinity of a treacherous mountain top, out cropping, or anywhere there is a drop off high enough to do you bodily harm. I mean, just in case, not that it would happen of course, but just in case, one of you got upset, and there was a bit of pushing and shoving. Why, you just never know what could happen? Or do you.

Well, that’s a good question and a jury was about to answer out in Montana until … until a Perry Mason moment occurred and the meek little bride suddenly confessed that, YES, I PUSHED HIM. Well, damn ain’t that a bitch. It was not an accident after all. Eight days of hell or paradise and it was the friggin mountain for you boy.

Well maybe, just maybe she will find someone more to her liking in the women’s prison in Montana because that will be her home for the rest of her life. Of course if any of you men want to take a chance on her in 30 years or so she might be up for parole. He, He, He……….

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Posted by on December 15, 2013. Filed under COMMENTARY/OPINION. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can leave a response or trackback to this entry
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13 Responses to When Brides Kill: Sometimes You Don’t Know What You Want

  1. Carol Maietta Reply

    December 15, 2013 at 12:57 pm

    Oh darn Bill, I was just going to invite you to a day trip to the highest point in Alabama :-) The really stupid thing about this bride was she was asked why she did it and she said she knew she didn’t want to marry him but was afraid to hurt is feelings by telling him…I love these “what were they thinking” stories. Poor groom and his family!

    • Bill Formby Reply

      December 15, 2013 at 2:27 pm

      Aha! That’s what that trip up to the mountains was all about. :) :)

    • Jess Reply

      December 15, 2013 at 4:03 pm

      Get thee behind me Satan ;) I wanted to take him to Everest, so I win. Have you seen how much a divorce lawyer costs these days, no wonder she wanted to take him on this trip, it was probably cheaper for her in the long run. Think about it, she won’t have to pay for clothing or meals anymore, not to mention housing. She will get all of that and more, courtesy of the greybar hotel.

      • Bill Formby Reply

        December 16, 2013 at 2:19 am

        Most of all Jess, the idiot did not see this coming. The last place you want to discuss marital problems is one the edge of a cliff. It’s like one of the cardinals rules. You don’t give Jodi Arias a gun and say kill me if you don’t love me any more, or if you are twin babies strapping yourselves in car seats in the back of Susan smith’s car in South Carolina an say mommie we understand if you don’t want us any more.

  2. Michael John Scott Reply

    December 15, 2013 at 1:40 pm

    This is one of the more bizarre stories of the year. This foolish, homicidal young woman will likely spend at least the next 20 years of her life in prison. Divorce is much easier.

    • Bill Formby Reply

      December 15, 2013 at 2:29 pm

      Yeah Mike, but divorce is not near as much fun. :)

      • Jess Reply

        December 15, 2013 at 4:04 pm

        Depends who you are in the process of divorcing Bill amirite?

        • Bill Formby Reply

          December 16, 2013 at 2:21 am

          Nooo, divorces are messy. This is nice and clean. Oops, he slipped

  3. Timmy Mahoney Reply

    December 15, 2013 at 5:21 pm

    I was once married to the bitch from hell and I admit I thought about blowing her fucking head off about twice a day, then thought better of it. She died of an aneurysm while I was at work five happy Decembers ago….

    • Jess Reply

      December 15, 2013 at 6:18 pm

      Hmmm, I don’t think it was me you married, or I would have remembered. I’m also not dead so yeah hmmm. Bitch from hell is a term of endearment that hubby uses for me once in a while, is this not a good thing :)

      • Bill Formby Reply

        December 16, 2013 at 2:26 am

        Jess, you are definitely a keeper. As least as far as I know. But then again, I would go up on a mountain with you.

        • Jess Reply

          December 16, 2013 at 11:42 am

          Damn, you are going to rethink that whole keeper thing, when you find out I am really someone that escaped an assylum for the criminally insane ;)

    • Bill Formby Reply

      December 16, 2013 at 2:23 am

      Well, its good that you waited, but then you are deprived the pleasure of knowing that you cause it.

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