- CRITTER TALK
Scotland, for the geographically uninitiated, is the pointy bit at the top of Britain. Some Scots are fed up with being governed by our parliament in London (aren’t we all?) and think they could rub along far better if they became a separate and independent country.
Alex Salmond is at the forefront of desiring this although even he saw the folly of not retaining the British pound.
Some Canadian chap called Carney is now the head honcho at The Bank of England and, whilst being apolitical, has gloriously spiked the Scottish Independence brigades guns by stating that – and I’m using my own interpretation here – ‘there isn’t a snowballs chance in hell that Scotland can keep the pound unless they accede monetary independence back to England’ (well the remaining UK which includes Wales and Northern Ireland but they don’t really count unless you include sheep and sectarian marches)
So there you have it Alex and co. You can have your independence as long as you let London hold your purse strings thereby letting the British parliament run the show.
Is it just me or isn’t that what’s happening now?
Look Scotland. You can keep your haggis and your porridge and your kilts and your Australian Braveheart and your Highland cattle but you aren’t messing with the UK – OK? North Sea Oil is ‘ours’ and will never be accepted as ‘your’s so you can forget that little wheeze here and now.
Actually I’ve always had a soft spot for the Scots. They’re always the ‘underdogs’ really.
They get precious little support from the British government, they rarely win anything in sport unless you include caber tossing, they’re far enough north for it to be bloody cold more often than not, they have unintelligible accents, Gordon Brown is Scottish and they are often the butt of English jokes – usually awful ones.
What’s the difference between a rich Scotsman, a poor Scotsman and a dead Scotsman?
A rich Scotsman has a canopy over his bed, a poor Scotsman has a can-o-pee under his bed and a dead Scotsman can-a-pee at all – boom boom!
Personally I would miss the Scots if they departed from the UK. After all, any nation that considers a deep fried chocolate and caramel Mars bar a delicacy has to be worth keeping don’t you think?
Itsa brau brict nict tonict” (or something like that) means “It’s a little chilly this evening”
“OI!! SEE YOOO JIMMY!!!” (I’ve absolutely no idea but I believe the sentence normally ends in what is quaintly referred to as a ‘Glasgow kiss’ otherwise known as a head butt).
Stay with us Scotland. We’ll never understand you in a million years but we would miss you.