- CRITTER TALK
Margaret Thatcher on the birth of her first grandchild : “We are a grandmother” We???? Her Majesty Queen Thatch. Good grief!
Ronald Reagan on Prince Charles and Princess Diana’s visit to the states : “Princess David” – He thought she was a bloke??? (in fairness he was in the early stages of ‘call me’ Alzheimer’s so I shouldn’t laugh really even though I do)
Dan Quayle : “If we don’t succeed we run the risk of failure” – Uh? Why isn’t this man President?
Christina Aguilera : “So where’s The Cannes Film Festival being held this year?” – er, Glasgow perhaps?
George W. Bush : “I think war is a dangerous place” – isn’t that place just down the road from Liverpool?
Arnold Schwarzenegger : “I think that gay marriage is something that should be between a man and a woman” – now that would be novelty.
David Icke : “I am a snow plough” – well it makes a change from ‘I am Napoleon’ I suppose.
It’s easy to laugh at their stupidity of course – and so we should. If you chose a career that puts you in the public eye then you run the risk of being shown up as a complete idiot to the world in general purely through, well, your own idiocy really.
However, half of the humour is down to the fact that we know who these people are. That’s the only way we know what they said. if the local butcher made a stupid comment few beyond the doors of his butchers shop would ever know, unless he’d tweeted it of course. The internet can be a very dangerous place – just up the road from Liverpool I believe.
I’m curious. How many readers, or indeed, contributers to MMA will have the balls – sorry ladies, I must rephrase, the courage to own up to speaking about something ten seconds before their brains caught up to tell them to be quiet.
I plead guilty as charged m’lord
“You look a bit queer today” – to a gay friend
“When’s the baby due then?” – to a fat neighbour I hadn’t seen in a while who’d got even fatter (we’ve all thought it even if we haven’t said it eh?)
“I’m only here for the wake. I’m in the mood for a few drinkies” – to the wife of the deceased whom I had never met.
“Hop on then” – to a hesitant passenger in a much earlier guise as a bus driver about 25 years ago. Only then did I spot he had only one leg.
Possibly my most cringe worthy moment of my entire life occurred whilst dating a pretty girl who, despite having quite a ‘pock marked’ face through a bad case of acne a few years prior – she was, despite the ‘pock marks’ extraordinarily pretty. In fact, the ‘pock marks’ kind of made her even more pretty in a strange way. Anyroad, where was I? Oh yes. I do digress don’t I.
We were walking along when a young man with extreme acne scars walked by. Somewhat unkindly I commented “Did you see him? A face like a dartboard”
Approximately 3 seconds later I began to scream internally.
Suffice to say our relationship somewhat withered quickly.
Well? I was only 17. Oh the cruelty of youth eh?
Come along then all you MMAers. Confession time!