Bigmouth Strikes Again

Read Time:2 Minute, 57 Second

When those in the public eye make idiotic statements or show themselves to be stupid / insane / bigoted / inhumane / thoughtless / liars / morons (delete as applicable) we, the common man (I know, I should have said ‘person’ – sorry ladies) laugh out loud at their discomfort.

Margaret Thatcher on the birth of her first grandchild : “We are a grandmother” We???? Her Majesty Queen Thatch. Good grief!

Ronald Reagan on Prince Charles and Princess Diana’s visit to the states : “Princess David” – He thought she was a bloke??? (in fairness he was in the early stages of ‘call me’ Alzheimer’s so I shouldn’t laugh really even though I do)

Dan Quayle : “If we don’t succeed we run the risk of failure” – Uh? Why isn’t this man President?

Christina Aguilera : “So where’s The Cannes Film Festival being held this year?” – er, Glasgow perhaps?

George W. Bush : “I think war is a dangerous place” – isn’t that place just down the road from Liverpool?

Arnold Schwarzenegger : “I think that gay marriage is something that should be between a man and a woman” – now that would be novelty.

David Icke : “I am a snow plough” – well it makes a change from ‘I am Napoleon’ I suppose.

It’s easy to laugh at their stupidity of course – and so we should. If you chose a career that puts you in the public eye then you run the risk of being shown up as a complete idiot to the world in general purely through, well, your own idiocy really.

However, half of the humour is down to the fact that we know who these people are. That’s the only way we know what they said. if the local butcher made a stupid comment few beyond the doors of his butchers shop would ever know, unless he’d tweeted it of course. The internet can be a very dangerous place – just up the road from Liverpool I believe.

I’m curious. How many readers, or indeed, contributers to MMA will have the balls – sorry ladies, I must rephrase, the courage to own up to speaking about something ten seconds before their brains caught up to tell them to be quiet.

I plead guilty as charged m’lord

“You look a bit queer today” – to a gay friend

“When’s the baby due then?” – to a fat neighbour I hadn’t seen in a while who’d got even fatter (we’ve all thought it even if we haven’t said it eh?)

“I’m only here for the wake. I’m in the mood for a few drinkies” – to the wife of the deceased whom I had never met.

“Hop on then” – to a hesitant passenger in a much earlier guise as a bus driver about 25 years ago. Only then did I spot he had only one leg.

Possibly my most cringe worthy moment of my entire life occurred whilst dating a pretty girl who, despite having quite a ‘pock marked’ face through a bad case of acne a few years prior – she was, despite the ‘pock marks’ extraordinarily pretty. In fact, the ‘pock marks’ kind of made her even more pretty in a strange way. Anyroad, where was I? Oh yes. I do digress don’t I.

We were walking along when a young man with extreme acne scars walked by. Somewhat unkindly I commented “Did you see him? A face like a dartboard”

Approximately 3 seconds later I began to scream internally.

Suffice to say our relationship somewhat withered quickly.

Well? I was only 17. Oh the cruelty of youth eh?

Come along then all you MMAers. Confession time!

 

About Post Author

Neil Bamforth

I am English first, British second and never ever European. I have supported Oldham Athletic FC for 50 years which has made me immune from depression. My taste buds have died due to too many red hot curries so I drink Kronenburg beer and milk - sometimes in the same glass. I have a wife, daughter, 9 cats and I like toast.
Happy
Happy
0 %
Sad
Sad
0 %
Excited
Excited
0 %
Sleepy
Sleepy
0 %
Angry
Angry
0 %
Surprise
Surprise
0 %
0 0 votes
Article Rating
Subscribe
Notify of

6 Comments
Newest
Oldest Most Voted
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
10 years ago

Stop me if you’ve heard this one before, but heaven knows I’m miserable now and still ill that some girls are bigger than others. I know it’s over, so what difference does it make that the joke isn’t funny anymore?

Reply to  mrloser
10 years ago

LOL. Good point man.

Admin
10 years ago

Let’s not forget John Travolta at this year’s Oscars when he mangled a name so badly it didn’t even resemble the star he was introducing.

Jess
Reply to  Professor Mike
10 years ago

Yeah poor Idina Menzel getting her name all screwed up to Adele Dazim. He’s supposedly dsylexic so that may have been part of it, maybe he never rehearsed her name properly.

10 years ago

OMG! I confess! I confess! If this were 500 years earlier, I’d be a Catholic, now!

Here’s one from an upcoming book. In fact, to be fair, I’d need several volumes. But here’s chapter 1, Issue 1.

When I was working with bands, a certain band in Boston had a Gay lead singer. This was the late ’70s, and Gays hadn’t quite achieved what little egality they now have. I had never seen this band, but received an opportunity to mix their opener. So during their set, I – naturally – stuck around to watch. Well, this lead singer would occasionally perform under a female persona – in full drag, and this was one of those occasions.

After the set, I was in the dressing room, smoking up and preparing to strike the stage. In comes this particular front man, now in his normal male attire. Well, I had no idea who he was.

So, I started in. “Did you see that last act? That guy’s a drag queen… f*ckin’ queers, etc. etc.”

Boy howdy, was my face red, when he said, “I’m L__ M____.”

Reply to  bitcodavid
10 years ago

Wow. So are you going to keep us all in suspense David? 🙂

Previous post How My Gay Friend Respects Fred Phelps Dying Day
Next post John Lennon: A Matter of Pee
6
0
Would love your thoughts, please comment.x
()
x