British Labour Party Turns To Obama’s Right Hand Man

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David Axelrod with President Obama
David Axelrod with President Obama

Taken from the B.B.C’s website :

The Labour Party has appointed US election strategist David Axelrod as a strategic adviser on leader Ed Miliband’s 2015 election campaign.

Mr Axelrod was a key architect of Barack Obama’s victory over John McCain in the 2008 presidential race.

He will work alongside shadow foreign secretary, Douglas Alexander, who is to run Labour’s general election strategy.

Labour will pay Mr Axelrod a six-figure sum and use his consulting firm AKPD in its bid to win power.

After masterminding Mr Obama’s election to the White House, Mr Axelrod went on to become a senior adviser to the president.

He quit the post in 2011 in order to work on the successful 2012 campaign to re-elect Mr Obama.

The strategist has since acted as a media commentator and as a director of the Institute of Politics at the University of Chicago.

Labour leader and Gromit lookalike Ed Milliband has welcomed Mr Axelrod onto the Labour election campaign bandwagon clearly, it is hoped, under the illusion or, if you prefer, delusion that Mr Axelrod will make him electable.

Despite disillusionment with the Conservative party of current Prime Minister ‘Call Me Dave’ Cameron, total disinterest in Deputy Prime Minister Nick ‘Mr Euro’ Clegg’s Liberal Democrats and a general dislike of the current Conservative/Liberal coalition government the mood of the electorate tends to lean towards the belief that, whilst Mr Axelrod successfully helped Obama’s two elections, getting Milliband elected would be beyond even God – if he existed and had a soft spot for Wallace and Gromit movies.

Having spoken to the British electorate – which, as all but three people and a hamster have given up bothering to vote at all was not as unlikely as you may think for your intrepid reporter – it can be possibly truthful to say that we may see The Hamster Party get it’s first MP into the House of Common or garden criminals.

The British economy is doing ok. Not great but ok. Seeing as Labour pretty much bankrupted us it bodes quite well for the Conservatives. As The Liberal Democrats are already negotiating with Labour to form a new coalition government whilst already in a coalition government with the Conservatives it seems implausible that anyone with the intelligence of a plant or even a stupid plant would ever vote for them again.

On those grounds, given what appears to be the average intelligence of many British voters – (10 years of Thatcher followed by 10 years of Blair sufficiently illustrate the point) – It would not necessarily be a surprise if our next government turns out to be a coalition between the Liberal Democrats and a cage full of hamsters.

Provided the hamsters were in favour of leaving the European Union thereby spiking the Liberal guns in that vein this would possibly be a workable coalition.

Two of the three remaining ‘bothered to vote’ electorate have hinted they may well support the Hamster Party. The third, a Mr Tony Blair of somewhere on Earth he can’t be arrested for war crimes, has pledged his support for Labour whilst the hamster remains undecided between the Conservatives and the Hamster Party mainly as ‘Call Me Dave’ Cameron’s jowls are beginning to resemble those of a hamster.

However, as Cameron is not furry and cuddly and is not known to run around in a small wheel the Hamster concedes he might not bother voting at all due to his lifespan resulting in him being dead by the next general election and ‘proxy voting’ for dead hamsters not being covered as yet in Britain’s constitution.

Breaking news just in indicates that after fighting two successful campaigns on behalf of President Obama, Mr Axelrod is said to be considering not joining the Labour campaign after all in order to protect his reputation for winning things. Mr Axelrod has denied this rumour strenuously despite being secretly filmed leaving a pet store with a cage containing a small wheel.

This is your British Politics Today MMA (5th) Columnist reporting from a secret location somewhere in England.

About Post Author

Neil Bamforth

I am English first, British second and never ever European. I have supported Oldham Athletic FC for 50 years which has made me immune from depression. My taste buds have died due to too many red hot curries so I drink Kronenburg beer and milk - sometimes in the same glass. I have a wife, daughter, 9 cats and I like toast.
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lovingJesus1950
9 years ago

Mr Rampart you are so mistaken. Our PM is the best. He loves Jesus and is committed to helping our people find the error of their ways. Only if you embrace OUR LORD will there be hope, and so don’t say things about Mr Cameron unless you are ready to pay the inevitable price.

Bill Formby
Reply to  lovingJesus1950
9 years ago

I am hoping that you are truly a joke Mr. /Ms. LovingJesus1950, whatever the hell that means. If not, and that is your defense of your leader you deserve to be drug slowly across the Channel by rope in the dead of winter through the icy waters until your skin has turned a nice deep color of blue and then forced to sit naked on the beach until this Jesus person comes to retrieve you. I say this because you obviously have not the brains to be uttering an opinion on leaders except and until the one you depend on swoops down and publicly saves to prove that he actually exists. Now, go on your way and play in the traffic.

Reply to  lovingJesus1950
9 years ago

So what would that inevitable price be there “loving?” Another trip to the pit? Not being buddies with the Jeeb? Pray, please tell. (I thought you would like that pray part)

Reply to  lovingJesus1950
9 years ago

The best what precisely? Hamster?

Price? £3:50 sound fair?

Weird people out there

Reply to  Norman Rampart
9 years ago

I always liked hamsters old bean, but I was a kid then. Still like them, but don’t really want one if you know what I mean.

Reply to  lovingJesus1950
9 years ago

I’ve thought about this and I think this is a wind up by someone who knows me who reads MMA and has seen the occasional religious nut comment. The fact the spelling is accurate makes me suspicious.

Come on whoever you are. Own up! It’s a piss take isn’t it?

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