Louisiana: No Oral Sex But You Can F*ck Dead People

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Those Krazy Kristian Louisiana lawmakers vigorously defended their long standing ban on consensual oral and anal sex today, despite the fact that it’s unconstitutional. What makes this ridiculous law even worse is that, oddly enough, Louisiana has no problem with people fucking corpses.  Say what dudes?  You can’t give or get a blow-job but you can fuck dead people?

From our friends at Gawker:

A quick survey of nationwide laws on sodomy and necrophilia shows that there are four states that explicitly ban the former in some way, while remaining silent on the latter:

  • In Louisiana and North Carolina, two willing adults can’t get no oral satisfaction, but they can diddle a dead person.
  • Oklahoma and Kansas are also cool with you banging the dearly departed, but they ban oral intercourse between consenting gay or lesbian partners.
  • For the record, several other states—Nebraska, New Mexico, and Vermont—also appear to allow necrophilia, but they’re cool with sodomy, too, so at least they’re consistent.

It turns out there’s actually a fraught history behind necrophilia and the law; many of the states that think they’ve banned it actually have vague injunctions banning “crimes against nature,” or they classify it as a sexual assault against a partner who can’t give consent.

That leads to some trouble in the courts. In Wisconsin a few years back, three young men were arrested while trying to dig up a corpse for sex. Since the state didn’t have an explicit necrophilia ban, they were charged with attempted sexual assault for their intent to have sex with an unwilling party. But an appeals court threw out their conviction, saying a corpse isn’t a person under state law, and therefore consent isn’t an issue. (The state Supreme Court, apparently afraid of suborning a corpse-banging epidemic, voted 5-2 to restore their conviction on shaky legal grounds.)

The problem is that “the dead body is a quasi-subject before the law,” according to legal theorist John Troyer in his landmark 2008 journal article on the subject, and “the ambiguous juridical standing of the human corpse in necrophilia cases compounds the sexual monstrousness of the necrophiliac and of necrophilic acts.”

In any case, it seems to offend our modern moral intuitions that any sex between consenting adults could be illegal, but sex with a dead person—can anyone be less willing than a corpse?—could be permissible.

Of course, Christian moralizers would say that’s why all non-straight, non-missionary sex should be illegal: because parsing out the secular legal intricacies of various sex acts is a lot muddier than resting on the word of God.

That would be great!… if everyone believed in their God and their interpretation of that God’s sexual laws. But hell, not even Louisiana legislators can apparently get on board with that thoroughgoing reasoning. And until they do, the anti-sodomy, anti-necrophilia religious right is just flogging a dead horse. (But not fucking it, obviously.)

Full map—red states are the anti-blowjobs, corpse-sex-friendly states:

States that ban blow-jobs but not having sex with the dead.  Map courtesy of Gawker.com
States that ban blow-jobs but not having sex with the dead. Map courtesy of Gawker.com
Hat tip to Jess!

About Post Author

Professor Mike

Professor Mike is a left-leaning, dog loving, political junkie. He has written dozens of articles for Substack, Medium, Simily, and Tribel. Professor Mike has been published at Smerconish.com, among others. He is a strong proponent of the environment, and a passionate protector of animals. In addition he is a fierce anti-Trumper. Take a moment and share his work.
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Glenn Geist
9 years ago

Necrophilia? Think that’s gross? Coulter, Malkin, Bachmann — go ahead, think about it and puke!

Jess
Reply to  Glenn Geist
9 years ago

there isn’t enough brain bleach in the world to get those images out of my head Glenn.

E.A. Blair
Reply to  Glenn Geist
9 years ago

Which Bachmann – Michele or Marcus?

9 years ago

You must understand the bible doesn’t specifically forbid sex with the dead. Then it must be OK.

The fact the bible also says nothing about oral or anal sex can be conveniently overlooked by the religious reich in their drive to control the sex lives and then everything else of the entire world.

Jess
Reply to  Professor Mike
9 years ago

This is seriously going to piss a lot of straight men off when they ask for a bj and the little woman says nope, can’t do it, it’s illegal. They do not think these things through to the bigger picture at all.

Jess
Reply to  Professor Mike
9 years ago

They are probably the religious types that lay under the covers to take their clothes off, lights out and make little squeaky noises during sex anyway so it wouldn’t be that different than being dead for the man or the woman. 🙂

Jess
Reply to  Professor Mike
9 years ago

You know the one, afraid to actually make noise so they let out little squeaks now and then when having the sexytimes.

Reply to  Jess
9 years ago

Think? Thinking is not something these people are even capable of doing. Even if they could, they have chosen to to do so.

Jess
9 years ago

Well there is my Mardi Gras 2015 all shot to shit since I was going to blow a dead guy.

E.A. Blair
9 years ago

{BadTasteWarning}

Maybe it’s because dead people are more responsive during sex than Republicans.

{/BadTasteWarning}

Marsha Woerner
9 years ago

Not to sound like a prude, but
ICK!
And can you have sex with a vacuum cleaner hose? At least there is more possibility of a response!
No, I’m not even going there anymore. ICK, ICK, ICK

Jess
Reply to  Marsha Woerner
9 years ago

Rule 34 Marsha, if you can think of it there is something sexual can be done with it and it’s probably on the internet.

E.A. Blair
Reply to  Jess
9 years ago

“You can point to any item in the Sears catalog and somebody wants to sleep with it.”

— Max Gail

Marsha Woerner
Reply to  Jess
9 years ago

🙂

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