Louisiana: No Oral Sex But You Can F*ck Dead People
Those Krazy Kristian Louisiana lawmakers vigorously defended their long standing ban on consensual oral and anal sex today, despite the fact that it’s unconstitutional. What makes this ridiculous law even worse is that, oddly enough, Louisiana has no problem with people fucking corpses. Say what dudes? You can’t give or get a blow-job but you can fuck dead people?
From our friends at Gawker:
A quick survey of nationwide laws on sodomy and necrophilia shows that there are four states that explicitly ban the former in some way, while remaining silent on the latter:
- In Louisiana and North Carolina, two willing adults can’t get no oral satisfaction, but they can diddle a dead person.
- Oklahoma and Kansas are also cool with you banging the dearly departed, but they ban oral intercourse between consenting gay or lesbian partners.
- For the record, several other states—Nebraska, New Mexico, and Vermont—also appear to allow necrophilia, but they’re cool with sodomy, too, so at least they’re consistent.
It turns out there’s actually a fraught history behind necrophilia and the law; many of the states that think they’ve banned it actually have vague injunctions banning “crimes against nature,” or they classify it as a sexual assault against a partner who can’t give consent.
That leads to some trouble in the courts. In Wisconsin a few years back, three young men were arrested while trying to dig up a corpse for sex. Since the state didn’t have an explicit necrophilia ban, they were charged with attempted sexual assault for their intent to have sex with an unwilling party. But an appeals court threw out their conviction, saying a corpse isn’t a person under state law, and therefore consent isn’t an issue. (The state Supreme Court, apparently afraid of suborning a corpse-banging epidemic, voted 5-2 to restore their conviction on shaky legal grounds.)
The problem is that “the dead body is a quasi-subject before the law,” according to legal theorist John Troyer in his landmark 2008 journal article on the subject, and “the ambiguous juridical standing of the human corpse in necrophilia cases compounds the sexual monstrousness of the necrophiliac and of necrophilic acts.”
In any case, it seems to offend our modern moral intuitions that any sex between consenting adults could be illegal, but sex with a dead person—can anyone be less willing than a corpse?—could be permissible.
Of course, Christian moralizers would say that’s why all non-straight, non-missionary sex should be illegal: because parsing out the secular legal intricacies of various sex acts is a lot muddier than resting on the word of God.
That would be great!… if everyone believed in their God and their interpretation of that God’s sexual laws. But hell, not even Louisiana legislators can apparently get on board with that thoroughgoing reasoning. And until they do, the anti-sodomy, anti-necrophilia religious right is just flogging a dead horse. (But not fucking it, obviously.)
Full map—red states are the anti-blowjobs, corpse-sex-friendly states:
Necrophilia? Think that’s gross? Coulter, Malkin, Bachmann — go ahead, think about it and puke!
there isn’t enough brain bleach in the world to get those images out of my head Glenn.
LOL!!!!
Arghhhhhh…..
Which Bachmann – Michele or Marcus?
You must understand the bible doesn’t specifically forbid sex with the dead. Then it must be OK.
The fact the bible also says nothing about oral or anal sex can be conveniently overlooked by the religious reich in their drive to control the sex lives and then everything else of the entire world.
That good old buybull! When in doubt drag it out, just like they doubtless did in Louisiana. Unfortunately for the civilized populace they didn’t stick to the letter of the Lord.
This is seriously going to piss a lot of straight men off when they ask for a bj and the little woman says nope, can’t do it, it’s illegal. They do not think these things through to the bigger picture at all.
Then they might be tempted to kill them so they can have sex without all the complaining 🙂
They are probably the religious types that lay under the covers to take their clothes off, lights out and make little squeaky noises during sex anyway so it wouldn’t be that different than being dead for the man or the woman. 🙂
Little squeaky noises? LOL. I’m intrigued dudette 🙂
You know the one, afraid to actually make noise so they let out little squeaks now and then when having the sexytimes.
Oh yeah! That 🙂
Think? Thinking is not something these people are even capable of doing. Even if they could, they have chosen to to do so.
Well there is my Mardi Gras 2015 all shot to shit since I was going to blow a dead guy.
{BadTasteWarning}
Maybe it’s because dead people are more responsive during sex than Republicans.
{/BadTasteWarning}
Not to sound like a prude, but
ICK!
And can you have sex with a vacuum cleaner hose? At least there is more possibility of a response!
No, I’m not even going there anymore. ICK, ICK, ICK
LOL. Yep “ICK” pretty much covers it Marsha.
Rule 34 Marsha, if you can think of it there is something sexual can be done with it and it’s probably on the internet.
“You can point to any item in the Sears catalog and somebody wants to sleep with it.”
— Max Gail
Great quote and likely true. Thanks man.
🙂