The Final World Cup Update

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Germany won.

G’night.

Well, that’s about it really isn’t it? Oh no it isn’t! – oh yes it is! Oh be quiet and let me report already.

The Brazilian World Cup of 2014 had nothing what so ever to do with any woman having a Brazilian so let’s put that rumour to bed right away. (The fact I have equated the Brazilian World Cup to a woman having a Brazilian and managed to include ‘bed’ into the sentence may indeed be something of a worry in it’s own way but never mind, this is, after all, me)

German players celebrate with their trophy after winning the 2014 World Cup final Germany and Argentina at the Maracana stadium in Rio de Janeiro.
German players celebrate with their trophy after winning the 2014 World Cup final Germany and Argentina at the Maracana stadium in Rio de Janeiro.

Brazil 2014 was, by a million zillion miles, the best World Cup tournament ever – well, 1966 was very good because England won but leaving that aside – 2014 was, to use a ubiquitous Americanism, AWESOME.

Even the 0 – 0 draws were entertaining games. I think there were only about 3 poor games in the entire tournament. Costa Rica qualified when everyone assumed they were the ‘whipping boys’ of their group. Brazil forgot to be Brazil, played crap and still made the semi-finals. Germany were resolutely German and, as Germany always does, got better and better as the tournament progressed. Argentina turned up with two players (Mascherano and Messi) before realising they needed at least 11 but too late, America under the guidance of German Jurgen Klinsman deserved to go further than they did but didn’t.

England forgot to qualify from their group as did Italy, Portugal, Spain and many others.

Uruguay – or at least Louis Suarez – entertained us via teeth resulting in FIFA banning him when all they needed to do was supply him with salt and pepper pots to ‘season’ the opposition in future.

James Rodriguez of Columbia decided he was called ‘HAHM-ez” and won the Golden Boot trophy by scoring more goals than anybody else. Jermaine Jones scored a marvellous goal for the USA against – er – was it Ghana? Sorry. Call me ‘Al’ short for Alzheimers – and I finally realised he wasn’t Cobi Jones from former USA teams as A) Cobi is now too old and B) Jermaine is a wee bit larger.

France looked quite useful until they weren’t any more. Algeria turned up for some reason and, whilst giving Germany a scare, went home again. Portugal had Ronaldo who is thought of as the best player in the world – unless you think that’s Messi – but it didn’t really help them much.

I remember Greece were there too although that’s only because they had a player with ludicrously long hair albeit he wasn’t a bad player really. What was his name? I forget, but, as they went home it doesn’t really matter. Georgius something? Oh I don’t know – they’re all called Georgius aren’t they?

Samaras! That’s it! No idea whether it’s Georgius though – but it probably should be.

Now who else was there?

Oh yes! Mexico. Mexico looked quite useful too but, as it happens, they weren’t. Belgium did quite well but, as they were Belgium, quite well was about as far as they were ever going to get.

In the end Holland beat Brazil in the 3rd Place Play off – but, then again, Accrington Stanley of England’s lowest professional tier could have beaten Brazil so nobody really cared about that.

Manuel Peter Neuer, the German goal keeper won the ‘Golden Glove’ as the best keeper of the tournament – America’s Tim Howard and Argentina’s Sergio Germán Romero must have been close behind him mind you. More to the point I had no idea Manuel Neuer had the middle name ‘Peter’ nor Sergio Romero the middle name ‘German’. Sergio’s middle name may be a wee bit controversial don’t you think? – Conspiracy theorists walk this way 😉

Argentina’s Lionel Messi won the ‘Player of the Tournament’ award which was clearly a ploy by FIFA to get ever more money from the ‘Messi’ name as, whilst he shone in patches he never really delivered and, clearly, Golden Boot winner Rodriguez and Manuel Neuer were more consistently better than Messi – as indeed were Argentina’s Xavier Mascherano and Germany’s Bastian Schweinsteiger.

So. It ends again for a further four years.

Personally, I enjoyed every moment. Even England failing to qualify from their group was cool. At least they actually tried for once. Bizarre really. They are usually slagged off for not trying but make the Quarter Finals, now they don’t even get out of their group and we love them for trying.

It’s a funny old game eh?

Yet again The Lightning Seeds featuring Skinner and Baddiel – none of whom America will have probably heard of – got it wrong. If football’s coming home then it’s moved house and now resides in Germany.

You lot have 4 more years to wait until it all kicks off again – we in Blighty have only 2. Why? The second greatest football spectacle is The European Championship and it’s 2 years away.

I’d invite the USA personally but, sadly, I don’t run the show.

Si thi (that’s northern England for ‘see you’) in 4 years USA in Qatar.

Yep. Qatar. That’s somewhere in Arab land. An oil rich country that doesn’t actually have a national football team of its own.

Corruption FIFA? Don’t be ridiculous 😉

About Post Author

Neil Bamforth

I am English first, British second and never ever European. I have supported Oldham Athletic FC for 50 years which has made me immune from depression. My taste buds have died due to too many red hot curries so I drink Kronenburg beer and milk - sometimes in the same glass. I have a wife, daughter, 9 cats and I like toast.
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Admin
9 years ago

One thing I have to point out: no matter how popular in America I don’t see the name of soccer being changed to football.

Bill Formby
9 years ago

Good wrap up Norman. Germany did in just well enough in fact play just well enough to win the games that counted. My money was on Belgium or The Netherlands all the way though I would have loved the US to have won it. But, it was, as you and James have pointed out, the best World Cup matches I have watched in a long time.

Reply to  Bill Formby
9 years ago

This World Cup turned me into a soccer fan. Can’t wait for the next one….four years from now.

9 years ago

I have to say, this was easily the best World Cup I have ever watched. Once, I even went to a local movie theater where they were projecting matches on a truly big screen. To be truthful, it is also the only World Cup I have ever watched or paid any attention to at all. Good that it was, by more knowledgeable opinions, a great Cup.

Speaking of cups, it seemed a bit odd to me that the trophy for a football championship resembled a hand holding the ball. The logo they displayed on TV about every 5 seconds was an actual hand holding a ball. But that’s no more strange than adults going ballistic about what is clearly a game for children.

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