The Tour De England And A Grumpy Old Man
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What? What??? The Tour De France in Yorkshire, England? The Tour De France in Epping in Essex, England and then, finally, in London? What the devil is going on?
Now look. If you happen to be partial to watching men wearing lycra whizzing along on bicycles then, by all means, feel free. It’s a free world – well, some of it is anyway – and if you enjoy watching men in lycra peddling bicycles furiously along various roads in France then so be it. What ever turns you on.
I mean, let’s face it, there are thousands of Brits who sit for hours watching cricket – reminiscent of watching the grass grow if you ask me – and thousands of Americans who think baseball is cool. Perhaps Bud in America contains a secret drug to dull the senses?
Now look. Let’s be serious here. The Tour De France is a bicycle race of sorts that has occurred since 18 something or other around the roads in France and that makes sense. It’s the Tour De France therefore it occurs in, guess where? – France.
This year the ‘powers that be’ who organise this Tour De France thing decided that stages 1, 2 and 3 would occur in England. Stages 1 and 2 in Yorkshire and stage 3 between Epping in Essex and London.
Now I’m sure this must have seemed like a good idea at the time but didn’t anyone think to point out to these ‘powers that be’ that the Tour De France is called that because it is The Tour De France and, as a result of its name, occurs in France?
Thousands of Yorkshire people turned out to cheer on these lycra clad cyclists as they whizzed by the country roads of Yorkshire. A farmer even dyed his sheep yellow to represent the ‘yellow jersey’ worn by each stage winner – I kid you not! Mind you, Yorkshire people tend to be odd. Well they do when, like me, you are a Lancastrian.
How? I say again, how? How can The Tour De France be held somewhere other than France?
Now I do realise that geography is not necessarily my strong point. My daughter is very good at it and can even tell you where Burkina Faso is. No idea myself although I do think it’s a marvellous name for a country.
Perhaps I’m just turning into a grumpy old man and getting annoyed at things that aren’t worth getting annoyed about but, BUT!
England is not France. Even my geographically challenged brain can ascertain that so why is The Tour De France in England?
It’s a bit like asking why does American baseball have a ‘World Series’ when nobody else in the world participates nor even wants to?
The ‘people in charge’ are taking the piss. They really are. It’s getting beyond a joke really.
“Let’s force Britain to be part of the European Union because we think it should be and bugger the people of Britain”
“Let’s go to war in Iraq because we think we should even though the British people would disagree but they don’t count”
“Let’s take the piss out of everyone who isn’t in charge because we are so we can do what we want”
“Let’s move the Tour De France to England for a bit to piss everyone off”
Now I know the last one isn’t quite on the same scale as the other three but it amounts to the same thing if you ask me.
I know you didn’t ask me but when did that ever stop me eh?
The Tour De France is precisely that. The Tour De France. It isn’t the bloody tour of the Yorkshire Dales, Epping and London. None of these places are in France.
I think I’ll stop drinking Bud now and go and dream of when the world made sense. Probably circa the 60’s when I was too young to have acquired an ability to critically analyse or form opinions.
Life was so much simpler as a child don’t you think? Well, it was in the 60’s when you knew where France was!
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…I bet that thought put everyone off their dinner 😉
Millions old boy, millions think baseball is cool, especially if her Giants are winning. No comments Mike or I shall be forced into cussing and I am trying to turn over a new fuckin leaf. You olds and yer always going on about the good old days of yore, when you know damn well it wasn’t. I am sick of you old people punching at clouds and yelling for others to get off their damn lawn stop it already. Change baby, it’s what’s for dinner now, otherwise we would still be bleeding people out and calling it medicine or having women just for bringing sammiches and shit like that 😉 Maybe this was jut a sponsor type thing like we name stadiums for things as long as it brings the scratch with it. I am fairly certain these things cost some coin and the more people paying into it, well I need not go on any further now need I?
Excuse moi!!! Oh for the days when women were in the kitchen and children were seen but not heard and the servants made your bed and the doctor put slugs on your arm and we had carrier pigeons instead of the internet….
I’m not THAT old you cheeky moo! 😉
Actually, you are quite right Jess. It is, after all, the 21st Century eh? I just get fed up, as a driving instructor out on the roads every day, at seeing strangely shaped men’s bottoms in lycra….puts me off me dinner does that…;-)
…or was it leeches on your arm….well…they are a bit ‘sluggy’ too…
🙂 Actually they are using leeches for some things now, like with infections, same with maggots since they will clean out bad wounds faster than anything.
Kinda depends on who is wearing the lycra for me too. It’s the same thing with tiny Speedos and swim shorts, only certain people should wear those things and Roberto Cavalli is not one of them. DO NOT GOOGLE, you have been warned.
I once considered taking a pic of myself in Speedos for my FB profile but realised that I would be the first person ever on FB to have minus 100,000 + friends if I did 😉
Re: American Baseball. Actually, there is a Canadian team. But to be a World Series, like you, I’d think there should be teams from places like Cuba and Japan.
Both take baseball fairly seriously and have contributed players to American teams.
The Tour de France in England? WTF?
Maybe the World Cup should take a cue from that and hold the preliminary matches in various countries with perhaps the semi finals and championship matches held in a host country. It would spread the enormous income around a bit more evenly and then truly be a “World Cup.”
As you are clearly incorruptible old bean I sadly believe you will never be elected to FIFA to see this glorious plan through!
because i like you, norman (you seem harmless, a very likable quality in this day and age) i will help you understand this.
in a former incarnation as a clerk serving at the disposal of nato i was temporarily assigned to a capitulation instructor for the french military, a colonel michelle patrice to be precise. i was happy to accept this assignment because, well….a colonel with a name like michelle patrice held a secret promise for me..but i digress.
my duties in service of colonel patrice included deciphering his notes of meetings, rendering them intelligible. colonel patrice attended a lot of meetings where potential capitulation partners were discussed, if one is to properly surrender to some foe or the other, as it turns out, it’s only polite to understand that foe. reading ones notes brings a clerk a lot of insight into how the note taker thinks. i learned that colonel michelle patrice, in spite of his lovely name and position, had a bit of a vindictive streak in him. for some deeply held psychological reasons formed long before i came into colonel patrice’s service i learned that he had a feeling of inevitability about having the british empire involved in a future capitulation ceremony and he resented that inevitability. he spoke often in these meetings about ways of getting even with that rascal empire preemptively. did i mention that i also learned, through some innocent memo or the other, that colonel michelle patrice held and undergrad degree in geography? inference welcomed.
so, as my career went from clerical to janitorial to unemployed, my colonel michelle patrice bounced around the french intelligence services for awhile until he ended up in the planning department of the diplomatic corps. this isn’t for sure, of course, but i think you can have pretty good reason to think that you now know how a bunch of brightly colored lycra clad cyclists came to be driving around your english countryside on the wrong side of the road.
hope this knowledge takes a little snotty out of your day.
peace. pj
PJ. You are a STAR! Thank you for the giggles!
Incidentally, I am indeed quite harmless – also, occasionally, legless 😉
What a fascinating story Penny! Thanks for sharing with us.
Private Benjamin???
🙂