Why Men Suffer More Than Women

About Norman Rampart
I am an Englishman, originally from a small village in Lancashire where everyone looks the same - even, slightly worryingly, the sheep. I have been residing reluctantly in the general area of London for 38 years. I came here for three weeks, ran out of money and couldn't afford the coach fare home. I believe that an Englishman's home is his castle. Even if it is only a small end of terrace pile of bricks.
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I’m in trouble before I start with that title aren’t I chaps? ¬†You may have noticed – possibly with some relief – a short absence by yours truly for a few days. The reason is simple and straightforward. I had ‘man flu.’

stock photo words in a wordcloud of influenza 79447729 Why Men Suffer More Than Women

Influenza can be Spanish flu or Hong Kong - although I think those two have been wiped out haven’t they? Anyway, influenza as opposed to a common heavy head cold.

Now ‘man flu’ is far worse than ‘woman flu’. In other words we, the chaps, suffer far more from flu than the ladies do. This is not the opinion of what passes for my mind – which, incidentally has now returned from holiday and had a jolly nice time. Comes to something when your mind is having a better time than you are – the above opinion is scientifically and medically proven.

Stanford University held a trial that showed that, due to higher levels of testosterone, men’s immunity to ‘flu like’ viruses was far lower than that of women. Therefore proving that we, the chaps, suffer more in the ‘flu’ stakes.

I know, women will go on about the suffering they endure at child birth and yadda yadda yadda but that really isn’t the point. We, the chaps, can’t really imagine what it is like to give birth and, remembering my wife’s pregnancy, will we be allowed to forget that? No we will not!

So, just for a change, we, the chaps, now have scientific and medical opinion on our side for a change. We suffer more than women from flu like viruses so actually, ladies, we are not being wimps when we retire to our beds demanding nursing care from you, we are suffering far more than you can ever imagine because you have more immunity so now it’s our turn to suffer so ner-ner-ne-ner-ner!

Oh was suffering ever so much fun??

“You did this to me!” screeched the wifey about to give birth to our daughter 24 years ago. “Me? I did it? Wow! I’m good!” I replied.

I’m not entirely sure punching me in the head was entirely called for. Good job I was using the gas and air at the time or it might have hurt. The midwife made me give it back to the wifey. Typical woman. No conception of my suffering as usual. All she had to do was push a bit and it’s all sorted. What about me with my man flu the last few days eh? Now that’s suffering. Science says so!

I will now head for the hills to a location were no woman will ever find me and lay low for a few days. Actually, given my now pleasantly rotund shape, perhaps ‘running for the hills’ is unwise. I’d be caught by the end of my street. Ah! I know.

TAXI!

 

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Posted by on July 24, 2014. Filed under COMMENTARY/OPINION. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can leave a response or trackback to this entry
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16 Responses to Why Men Suffer More Than Women

  1. gregory b. gonzalez Reply

    July 24, 2014 at 1:49 am

    Norman, it’s a good thing you live in England where it’s illegal to own a gun. Otherwise, you would have shot yourself in the foot. As it is, I highly doubt you’ll be getting laid after your wife reads this article.

  2. James Smith Reply

    July 24, 2014 at 7:02 am

    Re: the childbirth thing. Yes, getting kicked in the ‘nads is much worse. Consider this.

    After having a child, and they are a year or two old, many women will start thinking, “Maybe we should have another baby.”

    After being kicked in the nuts, what man ever thought, “Maybe it’s time for another boot in the balls?”

    • Pennyjane Hanson Reply

      July 24, 2014 at 11:57 am

      james. sometimes people find transition from male to female completely inexplicable. i’m often asked directly, “why did you do it? i try to answer in a way i think the individual asking might understand. if it’s a female asking i put it like this: “neckties”. i despise neckties so i figured if i transitioned i would never have to wear one of those self-imposed strangling devices again. that’s almost always satisfying to a woman, she gets it. low cut chiffon always beats a rope around your neck.

      when a man asks, i make the point you just made. i tell them i had that happen once and, “NEVER AGAIN!” you’d be surprised at how many men i’ve noted walking off with a look of intrigue and possibility on their faces.

      • Norman Rampart Reply

        July 24, 2014 at 2:03 pm

        It’s been a long hard hot day putting death on the roads and who should give me my first laugh of the day? Ta very much x

    • Norman Rampart Reply

      July 24, 2014 at 1:58 pm

      I knew I could count on you old bean! ;-)

  3. Marsha Woerner Reply

    July 24, 2014 at 10:02 am

    Awww, Norman; just SUCK IT UP :-)

    • Norman Rampart Reply

      July 24, 2014 at 1:59 pm

      I did! The wifey brought me a straw with my soup as it hurt to swallow too much ;-)

      • Pennyjane Hanson Reply

        July 24, 2014 at 5:39 pm

        oh, poor dear norman, bless your little heart. were i the wifey, i’d have you so filled with chicken soup you’d likely be found clucking around the back yard like a west london driving instructor after a “women’s special” promo down at the driving school.

        • Norman Rampart Reply

          July 25, 2014 at 5:32 pm

          chicken AND mushroom? I like chicken and mushroom…I’ll give you a shout next man-flu attack ;-)

  4. Stacey Gray Reply

    July 24, 2014 at 9:42 pm

    Actually Norman, we were quite aware of that. You’ll recall the times both you and Wifey were down with illness (a) (b) and/or (c) at the same time. And who was it got up from the sickbed and took care of the kids, and the sick husband, and probably cooked the meals, did dishes, cleaned the house and ran a couple loads of laundry? Right, the woman of the house.

    You lot suffer so much you become helpless, Women are always well enough to care for our “kids”, especially the big ones!

    We’ve always thought you guys enjoyed the suffering!

    • Norman Rampart Reply

      July 25, 2014 at 5:35 pm

      Precisely Stacey! Us poor chaps are helpless when unwell where as women have better immune systems – see? Women are better! – so it’s only fair us poor chaps should be nursed by you in between you feeling not as unwell as us and sorting out the kids / home / dogs / cats / bills / changing channels on request / soup duty etc etc…

      It’s the price you women pay for being, well, better ;-)

  5. Norman Rampart Reply

    July 25, 2014 at 5:36 pm

    I think I’ll shut up now before someone issues a fatwa…;-)

  6. Marsha Woerner Reply

    July 30, 2014 at 3:59 pm

    When you think about it, we’ll still have children, even if the men were required to be kicked in the balls 1st! The thing about being kicked in the balls versus labor is that the one is over fairly quickly. Labor? For some people that lasts hours and hours of painful labor, transition stage labor, and they still have more. You know that it’s a thing about how much pain someone is willing to stand.
    It may have more to do with how SANE someone is :-) ! I was lucky; I had two amazingly easy deliveries. Pregnancies themselves? That’s a whole ‘nother story! I got “morning sickness” all the way through two pregnancies (with chemotherapy level antinausea drugs all the way through the 2nd) We all know that men are bigger babies :-) :-)

    • Michael John Scott Reply

      July 30, 2014 at 6:43 pm

      LOL Marsha! I loved this, except for the part about the anti-nausea drugs of course :-)

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