You Can Choose Your Friends But Not Your Family

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We all have friends and families don’t we? I wonder how many of us wish we could change at least some members of our families?  I have, throughout my life, chosen my friends carefully. Drunks, lunatics, nymphomaniacs, dope heads, ne’er do wells and complete wastes of space. I have, far more by luck than judgement, acquired friends that anyone would gratefully accept as friends because they are none of the above.

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Of course, friends are friends. Ultimately, if they get ‘beyond the pale’ – I’ve no idea what that means really other than it probably means they are more than you can cope with – then you can just ‘drop them’. They are ‘friends’ that you would rather not have because they keep coming to your home and trying to shag your cats which, clearly, is not a good thing. You know this because your cats said “Keep this lunatic away from me!” Even worse, they keep drinking your beer without ever, ever, actually bringing any beer with them. Disgraceful behaviour.

Friends aren’t really that much of a problem. Obviously they, generally, will know where you live but, as long as you ensure you can ‘handle them’, then if they transgress with your cats or your beer you can ‘drop them’ and they won’t come back. Just don’t let a ‘friend’ know where you live if you think they could be more psycho than you eh?

Family on the other hand is a completely different matter.

I am going to tell you a story. This story has nothing what so ever to do with me (right, that covers any legal action by my wife’s dickhead of a brother – I mean my friends wife’s dickhead of a brother of course)

My friend’s wife had a complete mental breakdown. Why doesn’t matter. It was pressure of work, but whatever.

The ‘family’ came over to them on Boxing Day. Her parents had already been over on Christmas Day and a good time was had by all. My friends wife wasn’t exactly ‘firing on all cylinders’ but Christmas Day was cool – so he tells me.

On Boxing Day her brother and his wife and two kids came over. The kids are ‘sound’ as the vernacular of the day would say. Great kids. The wife is slightly ‘odd’ but relatively harmless.

There was an argument between my friend’s wife – not firing on all cylinders – and her brothers wife. Much ado about nothing really. Family stuff. Forget it and have a drink eh?

My friend rang them when he figured they would have arrived home to ensure the wife was ok after the little contretemps earlier. He cared about them even if he thought they were a bit weird. After all, they are ‘family’.

My friends wife’s brother then quite unexpectedly over the phone accused my friends daughter of causing his wife’s breakdown due to my friends daughters financial demands due to her very successful gymnastics career which, as a result of travelling around Europe had, indeed, cost them a substantial sum of money. Their daughter hadn’t actually ever made any financial demands. She had no idea that any money was even being spent by her parents. After all, she was a Great Britain gymnast so, in her mind, Great Britain was paying.

My friend was incensed. His daughter was something of a ‘daddy’s girl’ but, regardless, he wasn’t going to allow anyone to accuse her, quite wrongly, of playing any part in her mother’s mental breakdown. Even the wife’s employers Consultant Psychiatrist had stated clearly that ‘pressure of work’ had resulted in the mental breakdown. Financial worries may have played a ‘role’ but, as there weren’t any financial worries there was no role to play for them therefore the wife’s brother’s statement / accusation was without any foundation.

Why would he, the girl’s uncle, say such a thing?

Jealousy.

My friend’s daughter was an ‘A’ star student. Academically top drawer. She was also a top ranked gymnast. 2nd in Great Britain and 7th in Europe before a back injury forced her early retirement. She achieved top grades at school and won gymnastic medals all over Europe.

Also, as the first born grand child, she had been ‘looked after’ by my friends wife’s parents as a baby and toddler and had a huge bond with them that my friends wife’s brother’s children could never have. Not only because, at their birth, my friends wife’s parents were probably too old to look after babies and toddlers but my friends wife’s brother had chosen to live further away.

My friend was very angry about the accusation made by his brother in law and made his anger clear. He confined himself to making his anger clear verbally and, despite the temptation, refrained from punching his brother in law in the head.

Three years later my friend and his brother in law are still not on speaking terms. My friend has no problem with that as, frankly, if he sees his brother in law in another ten years it will be ten years too soon. However.

My friends brother in law stood with his arms folded and chewing gum at his own mothers funeral. He is avoiding his own father, who is now alone and a widower. It appears he is doing this because his parents refused to ‘take sides’ in this family dispute. “You must sort it out” said his father. His response is to treat his father with a complete lack of respect and to behave at his own mothers funeral with a complete lack of respect.

My friend made three attempts (through gritted teeth admittedly) to ‘smooth things over’ and all three attempts were rejected.

Fortunately, my friend knows where to hold a grudge and where not to. The nephews he no longer can see due to this ongoing family dispute still receive birthday and Christmas presents quite simply because he loves being an uncle and the ‘sins of the father’ have nothing to do with the children. They are – he tells me – great lads and he will always ‘be there’ for them if they ever need him.

Awkward really. My friend loves his nephews dearly. They are family.

You can choose your friends eh?

Incidentally, my friends brother in law is a retired police officer. Probably just as well for the police the dick head is retired I’d say 😉

I do so apologise. Sister Sledge??? I just felt I’d like a song on this and I couldn’t actually find anything relevant other than this. Oh dear. Bloody families eh?

About Post Author

Neil Bamforth

I am English first, British second and never ever European. I have supported Oldham Athletic FC for 50 years which has made me immune from depression. My taste buds have died due to too many red hot curries so I drink Kronenburg beer and milk - sometimes in the same glass. I have a wife, daughter, 9 cats and I like toast.
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4 years ago

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Bill Formby
9 years ago

Norman, you are really a great person. A piece of advice, friends and family are just other humans on this earth. If they act poorly they should all take a long walk off a short pier. The old, “but they are family” is merely some type of guilt trip to make people feel responsible for other people who are butt holes. The only rules that apply are that one should treat others as one would want to be treated. If they don’t, then off with their friggin’ head.

Pennyjane Hanson
9 years ago

my heart goes out to your friends sister, she must suffer a lot.

families!! can’t live with ’em, can’t shoot ’em.

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