You Know You’re Getting Old When ‘The Clash’ is Background for The Antiques Roadshow
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My wife likes watching antique shows on TV. Here in Blighty we have The Antiques Roadshow, Flog It and many, many more. I don’t mind her devotion to these shows as, whilst I would rather watch football, The Simpsons or a good movie I also love antiques.
My particular penchant is for arms and militaria. I have a large bayonet collection that includes bayonets from the Boer War, WWI and, my pride and joy, two French Epee bayonets. Epee (pronounced ‘eh-pay’ just so you know if you didn’t already) bayonets are pretty much as long as swords. The length of the musket was long enough on its own, the addition of the epee bayonet made the total length almost ridiculous really.
My French Epee’s date from circa 1880 and, quite conceivably, saw action in The Napoleonic War. One of them certainly ‘saw action’ a few years back when I stabbed a burglar in the bottom as he tried to escape over my six feet high garden gate but that’s another story.
“Oi!! Norman!!! Stop waffling on mate!!!”
Oh. Yes. Sorry. Digressing again. Sorry. Love my bayonet collection. Sorry. I’ll crack on.
As I sat watching an ‘antiques roadshow’ on TV with the wifey – the show has two antiques experts competing with their own money to purchase and then sell on antiques at a profit for charity – I had a shock. During the bit of the programme when the antique experts are travelling to their next destination to buy or sell the programme plays some music. The music often reflects what is happening or where they are going.
Today, they were going to London and the background music was The Clash ‘London Calling’ and I said to the wifey, “We must be getting old love. It comes to something when The Clash are used as background music for a bloody antiques show”
I then stopped talking and thought about it.
The Clash. One of the most influential bands in the history of music. The music industry offered them millions to reform but leader Joe Strummer (RIP) always declined. “The Clash was then, this is now” he once said.
The Clash. “White Riot”, “Should I Stay Or Should I Go?”, “Rock The Casbah”, “Tommy Gun”, “London Calling”. The Clash, reduced to a background track to an antiques TV show.
Then I thought a bit more – and I know, me thinking can be a dangerous thing and lead to all sorts of difficulties and misunderstandings – but I did. I thought some more and then I realised.
TV adverts, antique shows, game shows, reality shows. The Clash, David Bowie, The Boomtown Rats, Buzzcocks, The Jam, Blondie, The Stranglers, Madness and even, God or the deity of your choice forbid, The Sex Pistols. Really! A Sex Pistols song used for a TV advert! Johnny Rotten has even popped up advertising butter. BUTTER???? Johnny Rotten??? It’s true, he has. Well, it would be quite something if Sid Vicious popped up advertising anything I suppose but Johnny Rotten and butter? Perleeeeease!!!!
My youth has been savaged in a wave or even a swathe of TV shows and advertising. The bands and singers I idolised are now selling insurance on our TV screens – and they are too! Iggy Pop of all people. Iggy Pop advertising car insurance on British TV. IGGY POP????? Iggy Pop, the walking syringe whose spent most of his career creating incredible music whilst high on whatever he was high on and he’s advertising car insurance???
I often said to my daughter “You really don’t want to know what daddy got up to when he was a kid babe. Really you don’t”
She replied “You must have been safe daddy because you sang Sex Pistols songs to me in my crib and now they’re advertising butter”
Well, ok, I sort of made that bit up – the bit after ‘she replied’ but you get my drift?
My wild, uncontrolled, self destructive, shag happy, booze happy, insane, demented, anarchic, mad, mad youth has been taken away from me forever by Johnny Rotten and ‘Country Life’ butter.
Never mind the bollocks Johnny here’s my youth on a plate with bread and bloody butter.
Cheers Johnny and The Antiques Roadshow.
You know you’re getting old when your youthful mayhem is deconstructed into antiques, collectables and Country Life sodding butter.
“You’re nearly 60 dear. Calm down. It doesn’t matter really does it?” said the wifey.
Yes. It bloody well does.
mumble, grumble, grumble, mumble, I’m not old, grumble, I’m not old. ARRRRRRRRRRRGH!!!!!!!!!!
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My telly is always on in the background and I can tell you with 100% certainty that there is a car commercial in the States that plays Sid s version of My Way not sure but I think it is a Cadillac !
Paul McCartney once said that today’s popular music becomes tomorrow’s classical music, which seems stunningly stupid to me. It’s more likely to become tomorrow’s elevator music and it’s already a long time ago that Cadillac used Led Zeppelin to sell luxury cars. All our anthems of rebellion have been recycled and made into cat food and processed cheese. Born to be wild? Buy a Toyota hybrid!
But you do know that Tw*t means something shockingly different over here, don’t you? Nothing at all like a twit, I’m afraid.
Lol, good piece. While strolling through the grocery, I heard “Stay” by Shakespeare’s Sister piped through the sound system and stopped dead beside the bread to see if someone had gone mad. Everyone just kept scurrying through the aisles for toilet paper and nutmeg; I guess hoping and praying they could make it back to their own worlds. 🙂
When I hear the Smiths as background music, I will regrettably release the one thread of cool still remaining in my sweater of old-man-ness.
What’s her face should have stayed with Bananarama if you ask me…she tried ‘going serious’ with Shakespeare’s Sister. Wouldn’t have worked if it’d been his brother I reckon.
Bananarama eh? Now that was a girl band to bash your bishop to eh? 😉
Sainsbury’s supermarket in Hayes Town did exactly that to me about a couple of weeks back. I was wandering happily down the aisles when ‘This Charming Man’ came on in the background music.
I did feel like a twat crying in a Sainsbury’s aisle with a shopping trolley full of cat food 😉