Christian Swingers: Holier Than Thou or Just Full of It
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Sometimes, being a liberal is hard. You want to be a tolerant and understanding person while trying to accept other people’s eccentricities. But then there are times when you see or hear something, and you’re like, “What the fuck is WRONG with you people?” Which brings me to why I’m up late writing this blog. I recently read a story on another website about a married couple who enjoy swinging, which in itself, is no big deal, but the twist here is that they’re Christians and want to spread the word of God through their swinging.
If that makes you want to scratch your head to the point of giving yourself brain damage, join the club, because you’re exactly in the same place I am now!
Cristy and Dean Parave are two former bodybuilders who are married, big time churchgoers, and apparently like to bump uglies with other married couples. Which is all well and good, but bringing the bible into your deviant sex life is probably NOT the best way to worship Jesus. You think?
At this point, you’re probably wondering why I find this so offensive. Is it because I find the act of swinging morally repugnant? Well, no- I actually don’t. In all honesty, it’s a little warped given that I think that you should stay faithful to the person you married, but that’s just me. As long as both partners agree and trust each other, then swinging is just some harmless fun that may require a shot of penicillin down the line. A few years ago, a friend of mine dragged me to see a documentary about swinging called THE LIFESTYLE that made me go celibate for three months, but not because seeing different groups of people having sex with each other bothered me. Nope, it put me off sex because the whole time I was watching it, there were nothing but old folks running around and engaging in sex acts that you could only see in Tijuana involving a few gallons of lard and a donkey. No thank you. For a while there, I thought I might be scarred for life!
The reason these two nitwits offend me is because of their hypocrisy. Cristy Parave said, “There’s nothing in the bible against swinging, so we’ll just keep going until God says otherwise!” Well, I hate to mention it to this blonde bimbo, but there IS something in the bible that speaks against swinging- IT’S ONE OF THE TEN COMMANDMENTS!
“Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s wife.”
It doesn’t matter if your wife says it’s okay to bang the hot neighbor, or if the neighbor’s husband says it’s okay as long as he can bang your wife, or even if it’s good all the way around–the point is, YOU DON’T HAVE SEX WITH SOMEBODY TO WHOM YOU’RE NOT MARRIED! I mean, if you truly believed in God and wanted to live by his rules, don’t you think swinging would be a sin, and a pretty big one at that?
Before you think that I’m condemning all swingers or people in open relationships like polyamory and that kind of thing, I’m not. I honestly don’t care what people do or whom they do it to. Just don’t pretend that you have some moral superiority because you read a book of Jewish fairy tales and wake up early on Sunday to go to church! There is NOTHING I hate worse than some clown who claims to be a ‘good Christian’ and then twists what it says in the bible to justify whatever fucked-up shit they do whenever they’re not in front of a priest, pastor, or reverend!
It’s people such as this that makes me want to vomit. Preaching while committing a sin in God’s eyes doesn’t make you a good Christian- it makes you the worst kind of hypocrite there is. I don’t give a flying fuck if you think God exists or not. If you want to live that sort of ‘lifestyle’, that’s your right- just don’t pretend that because you’re a ‘Christian’ it absolves you and makes you better than everyone else, BECAUSE IT DOESN’T.
Now I’m gonna toss my barf bag in the garbage and get some sleep. Good night!
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I don’t see the issue dude. Christians are infamous hypocrites, liars, and charlatans. How is this different?
What makes it different is that they think it’s okay to justify what they do despite being ‘christians’. Just because swinging isn’t ‘against anything in the bible’ doesn’t mean it’s right in the eyes of Christianity. Not that I give a fuck. All I’m saying is, if you’re gonna do that, be honest about it- don’t pretend that you have some kind of moral high ground because you think that God is okay with what you’re doing.
They just want to get their freak on and justify it, as if it needs any kind of justification. They are using Lawd Hammercy as the excuse so they can get others doing the same thing and then they can say, well we are not bad people because Jeebus, it’s the others who are the bad people that do this without the trinity in the bed with us. It doesn’t need justification btw, sex is just sex and it can be separate from the whole love thing imo.
As I mentioned in the article, Jess- I honestly don’t care what these people do behind closed doors. That’s their choice. But don’t think that your fake piety makes you better than everybody else.
Greg, I always knew that Christianity & Hypocrisy were synonyms. I’ve had to live with xians my entire life and saw it everyday.
Same here, bro! My problem is that they can’t see it for themselves. I guess denial and stupidity go hand in hand along with the hypocrisy!