Coping with The Loss of a Pet
Read Time:3 Minute, 9 Second
The loss of a pet is a heart-rending, emotional experience and grief is a natural response. There are various stages of grief and we go through those stages when we lose a four-legged friend just as we do when we lose a two-legged friend or family member.
The stages vary depending on the source but often include the following:
- Denial and isolation
- Anger
- Bargaining
- Depression
- Acceptance
These stages are not absolute and each person may experience them differently and/or may slide back and forth between the various stages.
One of the things that grieving pet owners often have to deal with is the reaction of those around them to their grief. People who are not necessarily pet lovers may not understand the grief is real. This very rarely happens when the lost loved one is a human but is not uncommon when the bereaved has lost a pet. There may be that sense of “It’s just a pet” that you’ll receive from some people. It helps to surround yourself with those who do understand the bond we have with our pets. These people are more likely to be understanding and sympathetic. They are more likely to be able and willing to comfort you when needed and help you through the hard times.
Grief takes time to work through. Everyone is different. Where one person may reach the stage of acceptance within a relatively short period of time, another may take much longer, or may never actually reach that stage. There’s no right or wrong way to grieve. You need to do what is right for you. One thing you should not do though is feel guilty or ashamed about grieving. It’s a natural process and something we all go through at one time or another. It’s important to allow yourself to grieve.
Make sure you look out for yourself and your own health while you grieve. Grief is a draining process, both physically and emotionally. Be sure you’re eating right, getting plenty of sleep, and exercising as appropriate. Otherwise, you’ll only end up making yourself sick and your grief worse.
Pets grieve for each other also, just like we do. If you have other pets at home, you may notice a change in their behavior as they work through their grief. When my cat Ebony became ill, I started noticing urine spots on the bed. I just assumed it was Ebony until he left us and the urine spots continued. I realized at that point it was Lilly, who was perfectly healthy otherwise, who was leaving the spots. She was obviously trying to find a way to work through her own grief and the stress associated with it. When cats become stressed, inappropriate urination is often one of their responses. Understanding this, I simply gave her some time. About a week following Ebony’s loss, the behavior stopped completely and she returned to religiously using the litter box.
If your remaining pet is grieving, don’t punish him for any abnormal or unusual behaviors. After all, you wouldn’t want to be punished for your grief. You pet shouldn’t have to deal with that either. Do provide a little extra attention and support. Your pet will appreciate it.
I hope none of you have to go through the grieving process associated with losing a pet. Still, death is a part of life and, because our pets typically have shorter life spans than we do, the loss of that pet eventually is something that accompanies pet ownership. Very seldom do our beloved pets outlive us.
Edited from an article by Dr. Lorie Huston writing for PetMD.
Happy
0 %
Sad
0 %
Excited
0 %
Sleepy
0 %
Angry
0 %
Surprise
0 %
0
0
Well, I just wrote a way too long comment as I had my old pup euthanized yesterday. She was bad to the bone and she probably made sure my snark didn’t get published. 😉
Anyway, I used lapsoflovedotcom.,they come to your home and it’s expensive, yes but very loving.
She had CHF and I believe this is the last act of love we can give our pets.
Thanks for the article.!
Thanks for that reference Alice. I will keep it in mind as one of our dogs only has a couple of months, if that.
I just had my old dog put to sleep yesterday. There is a new service called lotsoflove.com. She just does hospice and euthanasia. It was as you would expect expensive (( 240.00+ 100.00 if you wanted her to take pet. But when I read about this being done in the home and it being, of course, so much less stressful to the pet than taking them to the vet. There is a list of 10 commandments , the last being ” when I am no longer enjoying my life, do not prolong it and stay with me while I am euthanized. Don’t leave cause you can’t bear to see it.
I love that and believe it is the last act off love we can give our pets. I recognized CHF in this horrid dog, shitzu. Bad to the bone she was but she survived distemper and was a strong willed dog. She would try to bite if I brushed her, took two groomers to groom her and she had practically no teeth. Rocked the hell out of that Chinese crested look, tongue lolling out of her mouth. Barked at that green shirted real estate AD everytime it came on and it comes on a lot. Forget watching any animal planet shows, bark bark bark.
Outside, she was part pig cause she could find any buried toadstool ,even a stem and would then eat and get tummy ache.
Had terrible. Twitches from the distemper and would kick me awake 2-3 times a nite and I had to be very gentle about waking her from them, as, you guessed it, would try to bite me. And even though she only had a few teeth, she bite hard!
I can’t say I loved her as she was a tough girl. She loved everything on 4 legs, cats, dogs. Four legs ruled in her eyes.;-) thought everyone who came to visit, was there to see her. Yet, I had to make sure she was on a lease before opening the door as she would say HELLO and then bye bye, watch me run .HA! Nope, never came when she got away and I called her. She would pop back just to check I,was still laying this great,fun game. And run again. I did learn not to chase them as they think it’s a game. She knew when it was 4:00PM , how I don’t know, as she would start barking, feed me. Made me think of my favorite movie ” Little Shop Of Horrors”. And she was fed in the morning as I learned to divide their food years ago.
So, she was not a mellow dog and is the very first dog I have ever had that would bite me. So, my sadness isn’t so much from missing a good companion as it’s so quiet now.
I do have another pup, just the sweetest most loving dependent dog ever. And she’s a Jack Russell / Bichon mix from our local HS. Mellow to her core.
Well.thanks for this blog, mademikesamerica!
Thank you Alice and I’m sorry about your dog. I hope you stop by again. We have hundreds of animal related articles under the category of Critter Talk if you are interested.
This something I really do not even want to contemplate even though I know it is coming, again.
Many of our cats are buried in our garden. I finally insisted that stopped as our garden was in danger of becoming a pet cemetery. If we ever sold our house I would have to say to the prospective buyers “You like the garden? Good, don’t ever dig it up!” 😉
Now they are cremated and their ashes scattered at their favourite bit of the garden.
There must be easily 30 cats that have died over the years – every one of them hurt when they left us.
I just look for the happy memories. That does help.
Oh… been there, done that. I’ve had at least 20 dogs in my life, and of course, have lost them all. You do get to be a sort of old hand at it, after a while. It’s not to say it doesn’t still hurt, just that you develop a thicker skin. Losing an animal is – for most of us – part of growing up, and we come to accept the fact that they just don’t live that long.
You remember each, and none can ever be replaced, but there is that place in your heart, which is boundless, and always has room to admit one more.
When a friend loses a pet, I generally tell them this:
When a dog dies, she gets to spend her days romping and playing, with her lost siblings. But at night, she makes the long journey home, to lay at her master’s feet. I am blessed to have many dogs, lying at my feet.
And of course, there’s my e-mail sig:
He that has been called I am, grew angry with Man and created a great chasm separating him from all the other creatures of the earth. As this massive gulf opened, one creature – Dog – jumped across the divide to join man in his exile. It is all this that they give us, and so much more.
-Inuit legend
The grieving process is complicated I agree but it’s different for everyone.