Hunting Pandas to Save China’s Environment
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The Socialist Kenyan President Hussein Obama has unilaterally entered a deal with pinko commie Red China to “reduce” greenhouse emissions which mad kooky liberal scientists claim cause the hoax known as global warming.
Naturally this agreement totally favors the Chinese as they are communists and Obama always favors the pinko over the capitalist.
There is just a ridiculous amount of pseudoscience regarding climate change. That 97% of climate scientists accepted man made climate change as fact only proves the failure of ObamaCare and his takeover of our education system with his common core standards and we all know that is just a clandestine way for Obama to indoctrinate our children to the evils of gay marriage and gun control.
As further proof of the wrongness of this 97% of scientists believing in global warming I submit how wrong they are with their acceptance of the Theory of Evolution. And they wonder why the common cold hasn’t been cured. The fools.
One thing we do know thanks to wasteful government spending though is that methane producing animals add lots of carbon dioxide to the atmosphere. And because the liberals are so up in arms about a little carbon dioxide, in the interests of bipartisan cooperation I suggest the following:
Because large animal farts are such a huge producer of methane which supposedly are polluting Chinese cities and not just the stench of communism, the best thing to do would be to reduce the numbers of large animals in China. The biggest ones there are of course the giant pandas. So it only makes sense to hunt them. As for them being endangered for God’s sake, what’s a few dead pandas when you think of the good that comes from it?
The economic opportunity from panda hunting could be a boon for the Chinese economy as well as the travel industry. The wealthy and powerful would pay outfitters any price to go panda hunting. Far easier to hunt pandas than those damn spotted owls. They’re slow and are too big to hide behind a stalk of bamboo. Just the type of prey Dick Cheney is looking for. Not that I recommend anyone go hunting with Dick Cheney mind you.
All in all panda hunting is a far better way to clean up China than closing their coal fired power plants. We got along just fine without millions of buffalo running around the west after we slaughtered them. The Chinese will get along just fine without all those damn pandas. And showing them how conservatives exploit resources in the name of freedom and capitalism might just change their hearts and minds. Just like what happened in Iraq when we were greeted with flowers and candy during President Bush’s Operation Enduring Freedom which also demonstrated the benefits of capitalism and freedom.
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Donald Rumsfeld signed up also Jess but only if we throw in a baby harp seal clubbing excursion.
Nuke China – but not until the Panda’s have been rescued 😉
Hippo’s fart through their mouths???? Ridiculous!!! I am NOT a hippo!!!
I’d have no problem with nuking China unless Obama orders it since then we republicans would have to be against it because Obama would be sending nuclear technology to China.
I don’t ask the rational to understand this. Only Ted Cruz supporters.
I’m already getting inquiries about panda hunts. Ted Nugent wants to be in the first party. And you confuse the republican idea of sport Jess. With us it’s not about the chase but the kill and not getting caught by our wives or constituents. Not that that matters in the long run but we do hate to be inconvenienced. Just ask my good friends David Vitter or Mark Sanford. Of course they’re still in Congress. But it was a bad couple weeks for them.
Oooh, now there is an idea or five. I’ll go on the same hunt Ted goes and maybe I’ll have a malfunction or three with my rifle. thanks Joe for setting this up.
You’re right Joe! China will get along fine without those pesky pandas stumbling all about, and the revenue from hunting will be huge. Good idea man!
Your precious wolves are safe from us MadMike. They remind us too much of Dick Cheney. Plus they kill and eat cuddly animals like bunnies. We hate bunnies.
I’m in on panda hunting. As long as I get the one that farts all the time like my farting hippo I am ok with that. Oh, you are talking about real panda hunting. Nah, not good with that one at all Joe, too boring not having something to chase like a tiger or jaguar. Big old lumbering slow assed pandas, way too easy.
Farting hippos? They fart through their mouths you know 🙂 Pandas are too beautiful and sweet to fart. Another funny article Joe. Republicans of course take every word quite seriously.
It was given me as a gift for something or another years ago, no idea who gave it to me. When you squeeze him he farts.
The RNC is thinking of a panda hunt to help Cheney pay for his next transplant.
Another gem here Joe. Who knew Panda hunting was good for the environment. If that’s the case it’s good for me man 🙂