HIV: Not Afraid to Talk, Cry, or Laugh About it
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December 1st, 2014, was World AID’s Day. I have been HIV+ for over 14 years now, getting ready to go on 15 in a few months. I look back at all of the friends that I have lost to this horrible disease and am saddened. I look back at all of the friends I know that are also positive and still with us and am gladdened.
Most people seem to believe that Americans no longer die from HIV. The reality is far from that. This disease is still taking lives on a daily basis, ripping loved ones from our arms. They never leave our hearts.
We have come a long way with treatment, and recently, prevention of this disease. We have started to make headway with the stigma surrounding this disease, thanks to people like David J Watt and Mr. Friendly. But, there is still much to be done.
My goal is to never have to sit down with another friend who was just newly diagnosed and have to explain what it is like to live with HIV. To never have to visit another hospital room of a friend that is dying from HIV. To never have to attend another funeral of a friend that has died from HIV.
Prevention is simple. Get tested on a regular basis and know your status. Use appropriate prevention methods like condoms and PrEP. Let’s have an open and honest discussion without emotion about barebacking. It happens all over the place. It’s not going to go away. I beg all of my friends that do bareback and are negative, regardless of how careful you think you are being, to go and talk to your doctor about PrEP. And all of my friends that do not bareback, but use condoms, I still implore you to go to your doctor and talk about PrEP. Condoms fail all the time. People will remove them during sex without you knowing. People lie about their status, whether it’s not actually knowing their status or knowing it and hiding it. Let’s just remove the emotion from the discussion and have an honest discussion. Let’s tell the reality of what is going on out there and educate the younger generation. We as elders in our community owe that much to them at the least. Those of us that have lived through the worst of this disease need to tell our stories so that people understand what truly happened.
I am open about my status. I do not hide it. I never will. I owe that to the people around me. I am not afraid to discuss it. I am not afraid to talk about it. I am not afraid to cry about it. And, yes, I am not afraid to laugh about it either.
So please join me, not just on the first of December each year, but regularly throughout the year. If you are negative go and get tested. If you don’t know where to get tested [for free] message me and I will help you find a place, even if you are not in San Antonio. If you are in San Antonio I can give you a list of places. If you are positive join me and tell your story. Let people know what it is like to live with this disease.
To all of my friends that passed on December 1, I salute you. I miss and love all of you and wish you were here.
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Youo are spreading and talking to people telling them it’s ok to get the HIV because all they hav eto do is call you and you will take them to a free place where they won’t die. I dont hage personal probs with gay people, except when they want us all to get the HIV.
Uh?
Roger? You are THE MAN. Stay safe and well mate and you’re amongst friends here (apart from the odd loony tunes but just ignore them eh?)
Love n hugs from England x
You’re not an odd loony tune Norman why do you think you are 😉
🙂 🙂 🙂
I bloody think he is. An old looney git, but likeable I must admit.
Love you too Anon xxxx 😉
Welcome to the Madhouse Roger, I hope you stay. Anytime I get to talking with the gay friends I have about PrEP the conversation goes all over the place. Here is some useful information from big gubbmint about HIV education and there is a link in there where you can get tested.
http://aidsinfo.nih.gov/education-materials/fact-sheets/19/47/hiv-testing
Oh, and welcome! Thank you for a well stated and open post!
This is beautiful. Just beautiful and thank you Roger Mingan Barker for bringing us your words. Welcome to MadMikes.
Sorry for the double post above, don’t know why that happened. I just wanted to say this was a moving and important post and I thank you for writing it. It is true, once something is out of the public eye everyone thinks it’s over. Jon Stewart interviewed the director of Doctors Without Borders last night and made that very point, tongue-in-cheek saying that now that there are no Americans with Ebola who might be spreading it here he guessed the crisis was over.
Thank you for reminding everyone who is at risk of AIDS to use protection and if at high risk, the PrEP treatment. I have read there is some backlash to the daily pill to prevent infection and can’t understand it. I agree with Greenlight that more education is still needed, especially for younger people who are growing up now that never experienced the darkest period of the AIDS epidemic.
Mauigirl,
thank you for the kinds words. PrEP has been getting a lot of backlash. The biggest thing is that PrEP has to be taken as prescribed or you run the risk of developing a resistant strain of the virus to the medication. Part of the problem is the fear that gay men are too flighty to be trusted with taking their medication properly. Needless to say that is quite insulting to a lot of people. But education is the big thing that needs to happen.
A powerful reminder that a lack of media attention doesn’t mean that this is no longer a public (and in some cases very personal) health concern. Self disclosure is a selfless act that helps educate and break the stigma, thank you for this article. I’ve been fortunate to know very few people with HIV, but I’ll never forget speaking with one who didn’t understand how he had contracted it, because he had never slept with another man. I have no idea how someone makes it beyond diagnosis without someone taking the time to explain the different means of transmission, for their understanding and for the well being of others with whom they might interact, but to me it was a striking reminder of just how much education is still needed.
Greenlight,
You are quite correct. There is so much more education needed today. I am neither ashamed nor afraid to talk of this. If it helps one person not contract it or not commit suicide because they did then it is worth putting myself out there. We cannot hide from this disease, but have to confront it head-on.
I thank you for this more than you could know and hope the ravings of a biblically oppressed wandering soul don’t upset you. He is the one lost and you, sir, have found yourself. Bravo.
Rachael,
Thank you. The people that use religion wrongly do not upset me. They make me laugh to be honest. I appreciate your very kind words, and those of all the supportive people so far on this article. 🙂
Well I am sorry but It is God’s wrath the HIV, and if you held your bibles like your boyfriedns you wouldn’t be sick. It is the Lord’s condemnation. There is still time to repent. Read your Gospels and pray for the Lord’s forgiveness. We will still love you if you embrace the Son of Man, OUR LORD JESUS.
Oh for heaven’s sake and I mean that literally. Stop passing your judgment on others. Not everyone believes your crazy doctrines. Now please go away.
Of all the ridiculous things associated with religion, the idea that any horrible disease or tragedy that occurs is the result of “God’s wrath” turns my stomach the most. If there is a God that actually pays any attention to our insignificant actions here on earth, do you really think he/she/it would cause millions of innocent people to suffer just because there are people of the same sex who love each other? AIDS can affect everyone, including children. What did they ever do to deserve “God’s wrath”? Ditto on earthquakes, tsunamis, Ebola and whatever else you so-called “Christians” want to come up with. Remember Jesus cared for the lepers. He didn’t say it was “God’s wrath.” People like you make true Christians (of which there are not very many) look bad. If there is an afterlife, you may be in for a surprise when you find yourself in a different location than you expected.
To use the bible and word of God to judge and condemn anyone is one of the greatest Sins against God you can commit. “Judge not, lest ye be judged”. Always remember that if you are going to use the Bible to judge anyone there is more condemnation against straight people than gay people. Think about that and repent your sins against God.
I’m sorry, “God’s wrath” I can understand your warped idea that God could have wrath about homosexuality, but presumably your “all-knowing omnipotent God” would realize that executing this wrath on babies, “innocents” receiving blood transfusions, “innocent” female partners of men who contracted AIDS one way or another, is antithetical to “his love”! Remember, Abraham convinced adonai (God) not to destroy Sodom and Gomorrah if they were even 10 righteous people! So if you believe the Bronze Age shepherds’ story, then even your God doesn’t believe in indiscriminate slaughter of innocents!
I have! Known many men (yes, in my case, exclusively men) who have had AIDS and/or lost loved ones to AIDS! It is very ugly! And then there are the few who got the “cocktail” of drugs the cost an arm and a leg and stopped or put it in remission. Did God also decide that those who were willing to try and could afford this were somehow NOT worthy of his wrath? I suppose this is probably not the appropriate place for total discussion of religion and God (but you started it), but that, deserved a response. S
A priest, a businessman are playing golf, and a nun is caddying. The businessman misses his shot, and says, “Goddammit! I missed!” The priest and the nun, both shake their heads and cluck their tongues.
Second hole – same thing. “Goddammit! I missed!” Again, the priest and the nun, shake their heads and cluck their tongues.
3rd hole – again, the same story. The clouds part, and a lightning bolt comes down – and zaps the nun. Comes a voice from above, “Goddammit! I missed!”
Moral of the story? If there is a God – history shows – he’s got a lousy aim.
LOL David!
You need to reopen and re read that buybull of yours. This is what is said about homosexuality in it>>>>>> crickets
Also too, why is it you people are always yammering on about the men only, you know there are women who love women and men and women who love both men and women right? Are we sick or are we just humans with a range of sexuality. Yeah, thought so. Keep your buybull stuff where it belongs, with the rest of the voices in your head. Yer welcome.
loony tunes
I have buried 20 close friends. Many of them, I stood by their bedsides and watched them die.
And just for the record, only a few of them were Gay.
Thank you for this, and welcome to MadMike’s America.
BitcoDavid,
Too many good people have passed away from HIV/AIDS. I don’t want to ever have to bury another friend.
Thank you for the welcome! I am very honored to be here and hope that everyone will enjoy and get something from my writings. 🙂
Oh my heaven, thank you so much for this. The tears that fill my eyes are tears of joy at reading the warmth in your words. Thank you again. You do understand.