President Obama’s Jive Turkey Pardon

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I know it’s taboo to mention the children of presidents but to show that not all of us righties are flaming, classless shitheads I must say that Sasha and Malia showed great restraint and class as their father was forced to perform the silly ritual of pardoning a turkey. These two young ladies will go far in life. President and Mrs. Obama have done a good job as parents.

President Obama pardons the turkey while daughters look on.  Pic courtesy ftw.USAToday.com.
President Obama pardons the turkey while daughters look on. Pic courtesy ftw.USAToday.com.

Naturally, being a staunch republican I must take exception to pardoning anything. (Except Richard Nixon who was victimized by the liberal media)

The turkeys President has pardoned may have done something evil to demand justice after all.  Better to execute someone or thing to be safe rather than let them do some heinous crime like murder or messing up a car or sidewalk with droppings. And that’s the way it is with a blanket pardon for millions of illegals who may have done something evil which includes sneaking into our country seeking a better life for them and their children. Despicable I say.

Now my good friend Governor Rick Perry is being bothered to delay the execution of a fiend who is mentally disabled. As my hero, the aforementioned Richard Nixon said there are penalties for breaking the law. Nobody is above the law. He said all that in regards to Vietnam draft resistors before Ford pardoned him.

So there can be no pardons or amnesty for criminals. Quite frankly me and my fellow republicans are tired of liberal excuses for bad behavior. It’s liberals fault that so many of my republican friends like David Vitter and Mark Sanford succumbed to temptations of the flesh. Making excuses for immoral liberal behavior weakened their faith just enough for them to search out pleasures of the flesh enjoyed by the lusty Bill Clinton which he got away with. At least Tiger Wood’s ex wife punished him with a nine iron to the head for his infidelities. Liberals would have tried to pardon him from that righteous punishment just as they gave Clinton a pardon.

It’s time to stop the pardons. It’s time to ship illegals back to their own homes after our cotton and tobacco and other produce has been picked so we don’t have to pay minimum wage to legal workers.

Our Nation was founded on the principle of law and order. We must punish transgressors and we can do it by cutting taxes and reducing government and not pardoning everyone. That will give us more to spend on defense so we can build more bombs to teach the Ruskies and Chinese and ISIS a lesson rather than giving them a free pass to spread their evil across the world. And we can also usher in an era of isolationism so other nations can spend more to teach the Ruskies and Chinese and ISIS a lesson.

These are reasons I like Rand Paul. He makes sense.

About Post Author

Joe Hagstrom

Reformed Liberal now dedicated to saving world from Obamacare and Godless Atheists. Using MadMike's America to audition for high paying job with Fox News.
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Norman Rampart
9 years ago

Question. Why are all the loony tunes invariably anonymous? Can’t they even spell their own names? – or, come to that, spell a fictitious name?

Says it all eh?

Norman Rampart
9 years ago

I would say they are gorgeous but at my age that might be misconstrued 😉

Quite how Mr n Mrs Obama can have raised two such lovely and normal kids whilst surrounded by the mayhem of the Presidency is testament to their parenting skills par excellence!

He’s not pardoning my bloody turkey! 😉

jess
9 years ago

Those girls have perfected the eye roll at their dad. Just the right amount of shade was thrown at him with no bitchy resting face needed.

Joe Hagstrom
9 years ago

The anonymous fellow makes good sense. Anyone who forces a woman to worship Aqua Buddha must be considered our savior. And a swift and sure death penalty would solve a lot of problems.

Sara Pinder
Reply to  Joe Hagstrom
9 years ago

Ha ha ha Joe. Aqua Buddha!!

Rachael
9 years ago

Joe I do so look forward to your articles. They keep me chuckling all the day 🙂

Marsha Woerner
Reply to  Rachael
9 years ago

Me too 🙂

anonymous
9 years ago

Well I DO like Rand Paul and I DO think he is the only one that can save us from the depravity that has gripped our nation. On another point you are right about the criminals. They do need to be executed because they showed no mercy to their victimes. Yes.

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