Fattyphobia or Fat People Bug Me
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There seem to be a lot of “phobia’s” around lately don’t there? Islamophobia is an obvious one of course that is used frequently which isn’t exactly a surprise is it? There are some excellent phobia’s around that, until I Googled the term, I wasn’t aware of. Alektorophobia is a fear of chickens – I kid you not. There are people out there afraid of chickens. I’d love to meet someone with Alektorophobia. There are so so many ways I could take the piss out of them.
Just think, you could ‘cluck’ and flap your arms chicken like and just crack up as they curled up into a ball on the floor moaning incomprehensibly. Marvellous fun! Barophobia is, of all things, a fear of gravity. What??? So, unless you float about you are terrified? Excellentay! Find a Barophobe and shove a heavy lump of cement into their arms!! All these phobia’s almost make me feel like Bart Simpson! I could have so much fun!!
I’ve decided to invent a new phobia. I’m calling it ‘Fattyphobia’. It’s a fear of fat people. I’ve had good look around and I can’t find a phobia of fat people listed anywhere so I’m creating one. It’s all mine and I’m copywriting it. ‘Fattyphobia’.
Now, you may ask, why would Norman want to create such a phobia on the list of phobia’s. You may not ask but I’m going to tell you anyway. I never change do I? I’m consistent if nothing else.
Fat people bug me. They really do – and I can say that as I am, at best, somewhat pleasantly rotund myself. It isn’t those, like myself, who are merely ‘overweight’ by a couple of stones or so it’s the ‘blobs’ that bug me.
Not all of them of course as there are genuine ‘health cases’ that cause people to be overweight and you can’t say anything then as that is most unfair but, in the main, the ‘blobs’ are ‘blobs’ purely and simply because they are greedy, eat too much, drink too much and wouldn’t know what exercise was if it fell on their fat heads – and, as often as not their heads are, indeed, fat as well.
A recent survey in Britain carried out by ‘Slimming World’ found that 47% of fat people upset by comments about their weight felt ashamed whilst 41% felt depressed.
Now this, to me, is a good start. If you feel ashamed and / or depressed then surely you look to solve the problem of being on the receiving end of said insults by dieting, exercising and removing yourself from ‘blob hood’.
Oh no. That would be far too obvious wouldn’t it?
Apparently 65% of ‘blobs’ felt so upset and depressed guess what they did? They ate more for comfort. Professor James Stubbs of The University of Derby suggested that being ‘rude and unpleasant is really unhelpful when it comes to motivating people to lose weight’ and, I admit, I do take his point. Nobody likes to be insulted but I mean to say, if you are grossly overweight simply because you are a greedy bastard and you take up two seats on an aeroplane then, frankly, particularly if I have the discomfort of sitting next to you, I really couldn’t give a toss if me saying “Oi! move over lard ass you’re in my seat as well as yours” upsets you. I’ve paid for my bloody seat and I’m buggered if your ‘overspill’ is going to pinch any of it.
Many years ago on a flight to Latvia for a gymnastics competition I was sat in the aircraft aisle seat. Next to me was a female ‘blob’ of absolutely gargantuan proportions. In the aisle seat immediately in front of me was a chap who, it transpired, was her husband. He was also a ‘blob’ of gargantuan proportions. I called over a stewardess before we took off.
“Excuse me but don’t you think that chap in front of me or the lady here next to me shouldn’t be moved to the other side of the plane? You know – to balance it a bit more?”
The stewardess looked quite shocked but before she could respond I continued :
“The thing is love, I can’t actually fasten my seatbelt. Every time I try this lump next to me swallows my hand in the rolls of fat before I can find the slot the belt should go into. Could you fasten it for me please?”
The ‘lump’ next to me was, by this time, glowing red with embarrassment but did I care? Not one jot. If you’re going to allow yourself to become a human version of a Diplodocus then don’t expect any understanding from me.
The stewardess attempted to fasten my seat belt several times before saying to the ‘blob’ “Could you just stand up a moment madam?” The Diplodocus then spent about five minutes trying to find her seat belt fastener between the rolls of fat in order to unfasten it so she could stand up – I admit wondering whether the aircraft contained some kind of lifting mechanism as I wasn’t certain standing up was going to be physically possible for her – mind you, she must be able to as she’d wobbled onto the aircraft in an upright position as far as I knew.
Finally the monolith unfastened herself and stood up. Immediately the seat in front of her failed to function correctly due to the enormous weight leaning on it and the back shot forward. The gentleman in said seat was thrown forward and received a bloody nose from the seat in front of him.
The stewardess then fastened my seat belt and went to placate the gentleman with the bloody nose. Mrs Blobby then sat down again with such force that her seat creaked alarmingly and I considered the possibility of the entire aircraft depressurizing at 30,000 feet after Mrs Blobby’s weight finally defeating the strength of the aircraft infrastructure and sending her hurtling Earthwards leaving a gaping hole in the fuselage for me to be sucked through.
It was a hell of a flight. My insistence to the stewardess that ‘Mrs Blobby’ should be denied any food during the flight caused a bit of an argument. Mr Blobby in the seat in front of me tried to turn around to remonstrate with me for being rude about his wife but his fat chin gave him whiplash as he turned too quickly and he subsided back with a groan of pain.
Now look. I know already. Some of you will say I’m being nasty about fat people but don’t you think that’s the whole point? America has a severe problem with obesity and Britain is gaining rapidly in the obesity stakes. The time for ‘pussy footing’ about is long gone.
There’s nothing wrong with teaching children to be polite and respectful and to not bully the fat kid at school. After all, the fat kid is only the fat kid because his parents are over feeding him – probably with the same crap that they eat. To be honest it’s a form of child cruelty if you ask me and the fat kid should be taken away from his / her idiot parents until they learn that making their kid a ‘blob’ is not good parenting.
Once the fat people are adults though it’s a whole different ball game.
I’m sorry. I do sympathise with anyone who suffers insults or rude behaviour but, if they are bringing it on themselves my sympathies dwindle rapidly and, I’m afraid, when someone being fat impinges unreasonably on me then I’m going to bloody well tell them so and if it upsets or depresses them then too bad.
If anyone reading this article happens to be fat – and don’t forget, I readily admit that I am fat albeit fat in ‘overweight lose a couple of stone’ kind of fat rather than ‘I can’t see my feet’ sort of fat – and you feel hurt or upset at what I have written then I could apologise but I won’t.
Go on a bloody diet you Diplodocus!
Incidentally, I don’t suffer from ‘Fattyphobia’ exactly myself although the thought of a huge gargantuan woman sitting on me has always, I admit, put the fear of God into me!
I could say this article is a little ‘tongue in cheek’ but, given the cheeks mentioned above I’d lose me tongue!! 😉
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And a lovely day to you as well, Bonnie! When you have to resort to making fun of people and calling names, you really don’t have a lot to offer.
I notice you blithely skipped over the valid statements I made about why being hateful to obese people is not helpful. Obesity and depression are also strongly linked and reminding people of how fat and disgusting they are to you actually just makes obesity worse, not better.
I’m sure you were a delight during the civil rights movement as well. Let’s not change things for the better for everyone, lets be mean and hateful to people for something they may actually not have any control over.
They are human beings and if we want a better world, making fun of things they may not be able to change isn’t really the way to go. That kind of humor is, thankfully, becoming less and less acceptable in civilized society and that’s a good thing.
This is not funny or clever or even amusing. It is a hateful, mean, degrading, spiteful rant about an issue that touches the lives of many, many people. Substitute Jewish or black or female or Muslim for fat in this diatribe and tell me how funny it would be then?
This is not ok. When people use these hateful diatribes to be “funny”, it reveals a great deal about them and what the people around them in their daily lives must put up with.
Do you have the right to say these awful things? Yes, you do. And other people have the right to tell you what they think about what you say. It’s sad that you think it is clever to present this toxic view of a serious problem as a platform for your “biting wit”. Let’s all tear down those who aren’t as perfect as we would have them be. That will definitely make the world a better place, yeah?
It’s just a joke, right? Because there’s no such thing as weight related disorders like polycystic ovary syndrome or anorexia.
I think Carol has the right idea here. Why not write things that help people be better than they are, not destroy and humiliate them.
Oh bleeding hell there Zocora. What? Are you a bleeding Gypsy with that name? Did ya never hear of fun? Normie was having a bit of fun, and I can guarantee he weren’t talking about anorexia. He poked fun at himself, and brought to the bar the problem of fatties everywhere. Did you not hear of the obesity epidemic? Fatties every bloody place you look, with their diabetes and their heart attacks. They bloody well should know what others see when they look at those jiggling waists and fat arses. Maybe it will get someone’s attention and make somebody stop eating the sweets and get healthy. So sod off ya cow!
Sorry Norman. Cacomorphobia is the fear of fat or obese people, derived from Greek caco meaning ugly, morpho meaning shape and phobos
Damn it!!!!
The responders have rights to opinions as well.
Being in health care, I have never seen name calling (such as blob) be a helpful or funny thing. As many of you know from my previous posts, my strong belief system is to bring out the BEST in others through actions and words. One can still be very funny with that in mind.
As far as Norman’s post, I wanted him to have honest feedback that perhaps he went a bit to far just to get a laugh. I also wanted Mike to see that perhaps some boundaries (like name calling to those with disease such as obesity) could be damaging to his site. My opinion only. To me, it did not feel that Norman’s article was intended to be a helpful wake up call.
I do think Lyndon will succeed, but not because of Norman’s insulting name calling. He will succeed because of those who want the best for him.
I wholeheartedly support your right to express your view Carol and I completely respect it.
I am fully aware that I ‘sail close to the wind’ on any number of occasions and, in so doing, probably upset or offend people occasionally.
I never intend to offend but I do believe in ‘freedom of speech’. With ‘freedom of speech comes the ‘right to offend’ someone.
I tend to ‘take the mickey’ rather than go on an all out offensive and ‘taking the mickey’ out of grossly overweight people is merely my childish sense of humour – self deprecating I hasten to add as my doctor tells me that if I don’t lose 2 stone my health will begin to deteriorate.
I am a fatty. Perhaps not such a fatty as some but a fatty never the less.
Any ‘insult’ in my above contribution is pointed just as much at me as anyone else of a blobby persuasion whether lesser blobby or greater blobby.
I’m probably a ‘middle blobby’ myself…..
Given the current climate it’s probably as well that my article was about fat people and not Mohammed eh?
Good luck Lyndon! We can do it mate!! Slimness awaits us!!!!
…er…who put those donuts there?
Carol as I mentioned in my first comment I am sad that you are no longer a frequent visitor and that our readers can no longer enjoy your wonderful articles. However, we all have different views. You might be surprised at the submissions I don’t publish.
Sorry there Carol. There’s nothing wrong with this article, and I read it twenty times. Perhaps it’s a bit off colour but what’s wrong with that? Looks like it might have even done some good at least from Lyndon’s perspective. Lighten up.
I certainly don’t agree with everything that is written here, but I still come here, and will continue to do so. Addressing controversial, emotional issues is tough to do, and Mike and his team have done it well. It makes me sad to see writers leave or people stop commenting because they don’t like everything they read. I don’t like everything I read in the NYTimes but I still subscribe to it, and comment regularly, because at it’s heart it is a great publication, just like MadMikesAmerica. Keep up the good work Mike, and I’ll let you now when I don’t like something, but I’ll come back anyway because there’s a lot of stuff I do like.
Some people have no sense of boundaries when it comes to humor or even expressing themselves. Norman, this article is an example of why I have minimized my affiliation with this site….no moral boundaries. I think Mike has to ask himself (again) what is he trying to accomplish with his site before he publishes something.
I’m not trying to accomplish much beyond entertaining and informing people. Norman is himself an overweight man, and as such is also poking fun at his own body, but more than that what Norman has done is address an international problem, at least in so-called civilized society, and that’s being fat. As you no doubt know obesity kills and we should be doing everything we can to prevent it, and, after reading Norman’s column several times, I reached the conclusion that Norman has addressed this epidemic in a fun way, one that just may get someone’s attention and save their life. I’m sorry you were offended, but I do try to keep things clean and moral, although I suspect the latter is in the eye of the beholder. My morality may be different than yours but that doesn’t mean I’m immoral. A good example of what is moral or what is acceptable to society or certain segments of society are the recent terrorist attacks in Paris. The satirists, and their huge audience, including myself, had no problem with poking fun at Allah, or Jesus, or any other religious icon. It’s fun, not immorality, but the Islamic terrorists disagreed. I think they were wrong and I hope each of the killers dies a horrible death. In the minds of some THAT would be immoral, but not in my world. Peace to you…
I am an overweight man, about 200 pounds to be precise. My wife, doctors, friends and neighbors have urged me to lose the weight, and I do try. After seeing Norman’s headline I was prepared to be incensed.
As a long time reader I have been incensed before by what has been written here but I understand that’s the nature of blogging. There are some articles you will like, some you will love, and some that may piss you off no end. People will take positions that are contrary to yours or offend your morality. That doesn’t mean what has been written isn’t right, at least in the world of the writer. We are all of us entitled to our opinions are we not? Must I step to the beat of your drummer?
While some fat people cannot help their condition, the vast majority can, and if I remember correctly from your earlier writings you are in the medical profession and would know that.
I’m trying to say that what Norman wrote got my attention. It’s rare that you can see yourself through the eyes of others, and Norman’s words acted as a mirror to my soul or should I say my stomach. What he said is akin to expressions of tough love and I plan on seeing my doctor next week (I’ve already made the appointment) to see what plans or medical assistance might be available to me.
Carol I must say that I think exacting one’s personal morality on others, and expecting them to follow the beat of your own individual drum, is wrong-headed, if not disingenuous. One man’s words might be one person’s poison and another person’s salvation, so I hope moving forward you won’t be so quick to judge.
In closing I want to thank you Norman, for having the courage, the audacity, and the insight to write words some people need to read. I don’t agree with everything you write, but I don’t agree that my wife is a good cook all of the time, most of the time, not all of the time. In this case you prepared a feast, no puns intended, as my “feasting” days are coming to an end.
Thanks again from a Diplodocus.
Thanks Lyndon. We may not always get it right but we try. Pleasing all of the people all of the time, however, is a futile exercise, but I do try. Sometimes, as in this case, and no doubt others, I appear to have failed. So be it. Good luck on your weight loss endeavor and please keep us posted.
Sir, your candor is refreshing and I wish you the best with your weight loss endeavor. I lost 120 pounds on Weight Watchers, and it only took me a year. I highly recommend it.