Happy Christmas World Cup!

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The World Cup of 2022 is being held in Qatar. This is, of course, a long way off yet but, Qatar is an Arab country that doesn’t actually have a national team – or if it does nobody knows about it. FIFA, who run world football and their President Sepp Blatter (how can anyone really have such a silly name?) took bribes galore and Qatar got to host this year’s World Cup.

worldcup

In many ways most of us don’t really give a shit. There is so much money in football (oh, all right, if you must, soccer) that we all know that corruption is even more rife than in politics.

Giving the World Cup to Qatar is like giving it to Mars or The Moon really. It is so bizarre all you can do is laugh and think ‘who cares any more?’

FIFA have now announced that, due to the probability of millionaire footballers dying on the pitch due to dehydration – now that would make it worth watching eh? – if the event was held, as is traditional, during the summer, it needs to be held in the winter so the temperatures are vaguely manageable.

Damn it! The thought of Louis Suarez biting an opposition player who had previously been BBQ’d by the heat was a sight I was so looking forward to.

Ah well. Never mind eh? The USA will probably do quite well – at least in terms of they clearly aren’t going to win it so maybe a Quarter final place or something? England will go over there thinking of ’66 and victory only to realise that the ’66 in question wasn’t 1966 at all but 1066 when they got stuffed and Harold got shot in the eye with an arrow.

Brazil might do ok as Brazil usually do ok. The Germans will probably do ok as the bloody Germans always do ok. Argentina have Lionel Messi so, assuming he’s in the mood, they’ll probably win it. Portugal have World Player of the Year Christiano Ronaldo but, sadly, nobody else really so they won’t win it.

“Ve haff to hold games in December due to ze heat” said Sepp Blatter. Actually he might not have said it but the ‘Ve haff’ is probably not too far away from the truth and neither, come to think of it, is ‘ze heat’.

FIFA couldn’t give a fuck could they? They’ve got their ‘kick backs’ from Qatar who have got their ‘World Cup’ and we, the fans, are incidental.

Qatar is very hot. I’m not a geographical genius I hasten to add but, as Qatar is mainly desert, is full of Arabs and camels and things I think it’s fairly safe to assume it’s quite a hot place.

Mind you. There was once an ‘England song’ by Fat Les called ‘Vindaloo’ and it has to be said, if heat is in the mix at this World Cup England could do far worse than have Fat Les re-issued – (for the uninitiated, a ‘vindaloo’ is a very very hot curry frequently eaten by yours truly)

“COME ON ENGLAND!!! COME ON ENGLAND!!!! – and, after three, one, two three, VINDALOO, VINDALOO, VINDALOO, VINDALOO NA NA!”

Jules Rimet still gleaming eh?

 

About Post Author

Neil Bamforth

I am English first, British second and never ever European. I have supported Oldham Athletic FC for 50 years which has made me immune from depression. My taste buds have died due to too many red hot curries so I drink Kronenburg beer and milk - sometimes in the same glass. I have a wife, daughter, 9 cats and I like toast.
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9 years ago

I’ve learned to love “soccer.” I’ve never been a football fan.

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