Billionaire Campaign Spending Is Wrong Unless Republicans Do It
Read Time:2 Minute, 48 Second
My Republican party is focused on attacking Hillary Clinton for allegedly using her influence as secretary of state to get companies and rich people to donate to her and Bill’s foundation. A practice that is outrageous and weakens America and emboldens our enemies.
One of our strategies to combat the courting of the wealthy and powerful is to court the wealthy and powerful because it’s different when we do it. It costs money to run campaigns and coordinate our minions to mount a disciplined attack, and between Elizabeth Warren and Bernie Sanders making sense, and the Clintons who can do whatever they want, and people like them anyway, we need billionaire money more than ever.
Everyone knows it’s patently unfair when a billionaire donates to the Clintons. Damn that Warren Buffet! Billionaires need to understand slashing wages and eliminating unions is good for them which in turn makes it good for America.
One of the powerful companies that donated to the Clinton family foundation was aircraft maker Boeing. The damn Clintons then used the money from the donation to build schools in Haiti. A terrible idea. We Republicans are proving that new schools are a waste of money and the weather is fine in Haiti. After all, the kids would be just as well off getting their schooling outside because their school would just get blown over by a hurricane anyway. That Boeing money would have been far better spent paying Republican strategists to come up with new ways to sell tax cuts for the wealthiest and elimination of Social Security and ObamaCare.
The rich and powerful corporations must get their priorities straight. Reaganomics will work eventually and we’ll have balanced budgets and be able to reduce the national debt. We just have to stay the course. Stay the course helped Reagan during a time of low poll numbers. Although we’re still waiting for Reaganomics to work as promised stay the course will give immediate results. Our base will buy into that as long as we promise not to take their guns and our talking heads keep hating on everything they hate.
My billionaire friends the Koch Brothers are supporting Scott Walker. A real American that hates unions and any hourly wage worker.
Other republican contenders for the presidency are courting Sheldon Addlebrain, the casino magnate that bankrolled Newt Gingrich’s failed presidential campaign in 2012. Jeb Bush already has the shadow billionaires on Karl Rove’s mailing list so we should be in good shape to fight the wealthy traitors that donated to Clinton.
Unlike Hillary, however, we will be honest at least in this instance. We will make no secret that we will support whatever causes ordered by our billionaires. Hillary will as well, but she’ll make speeches pandering to the poor and middle class about income equality and healthcare and nonsense they don’t really care about since it requires thought and only the wealthiest are capable of thinking.
On the other hand this does serve us when our guys speak of “broadening the base” which means we’re going to tax the shit out of those who aren’t smart enough to be billionaires so we can cut billionaires taxes. It’s only fair you know!
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old arguments put in the semi-angry sarcastic way that they should be presented. Hypocrisy by politicians and religious leaders will always find a good home just about anywhere. Do as I say and not as I do. Loved your article. Well done, Joe!
Glad to see you’ve seen the light Jess. We would also support a tax cut for the wealthiest so it trickles down and we could supply the new prisons with Bibles. Why prisoners are allowed any other reading material is a mystery.
No more schools should be built anywhere. We are in need of more prisons and we can get teachers in there to teach the criminals about good ole republican values and no science, mathematics or anything close to ungodly like behavior taught. This way we get voters who would vote for demonrats off the voter rolls and we get that sweet sweet gubbmint money in the hands of those who know how to use it to keep GoOpers in charge, just like it should be. It’s a win win for all the big moneyed people. I’m just trying to be helpful for the greater good…Greater Good h/t to Hot Fuzz for that gem.